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Monday, May 30, 2011


This morning I had a moment to write and for the first time in a very long time...I didn't feel like writing.
It was a little disturbing. Lately, it seems as if I write by feelings and by faith. I abandoned the post I was writing. I said a prayer in the car and I realized that my entire life has been lived by "feelings"...

I have always been one to be led by my emotions. My emotions have often defied all reason..and my emotions have led me into some very dark places.

My emotions have often led me into situations in which I felt "trapped." My emotions have led me into some very unstable relationships.

Today, I choose to write by faith..not by feeling.

I have several things that I would like to write about...Today I want to detail something that happened ten years ago. Patiently read, the bottom line is quite miraculous.

I guess it is no secret that I have had numerous supernatural experiences...I've seen miraculous things that God has done, and I have seen and experienced firsthand, the unseen realm of darkness that aims to destroy lives...the darkness that aims to tear apart...but often leads us onto paths that "feel right."

Ten years ago I recently gave birth to a baby boy. I was engaged to a man and we had our own little apartment in Baton Rouge....

There were some things going on in our apartment. My fiance was not a Christian and began to do some very very dark things. I'm not going to detail this time of my life. It's not my story to tell. I knew I should've left, but for a while I felt "trapped."

One day my fiance found me crying in a room by myself. Crying. I spent so many of those days in tears....realizing that life and beauty were waiting...but it seemed that, back then, good things were hidden from me.

It seemed that the good things of life weren't for me....

So I spent so much time crying.

I wanted that "rightness" to my life...but I wanted our life to be "right" as a family. I wanted to get married. I wanted us to serve Jesus...and have the promises of God.

Instead, there was a immense darkness.
I was in a very sinful situation.

In addition, there was a physical, tangible supernatural dark presence that dwelled among us.
I would so love to outline what I saw and experienced, but I wonder how many people would think I was crazy.

I suppose it doesn't matter what people think. I only hope that, by now, anyone who reads my blogs, will know that I hate lies, ABHOR LIES!, with a passion.

I have seen how lies destroy. I have seen how lies kill goodness in others. I see how lies affected my own life, and I have committed myself against them.

There were moving shadows in my apartment. Even my aunt can attest to this. There were things that moved. There were demonic forces.

I cringe remembering those days.

I begged my fiance to turn his life around. I begged and pleaded with tears and spoke of how I wanted that "rightness" for my life. I needed Jesus then...but I felt so trapped. I cried to Him and reached out to Him...but I didn't realize, at the time, that I could leave the situation.

I wanted things to work...for the sake of my son...I thought we would be married. I thought things could be "right."

But we can never change anyone. Only God can.

I digress,

One night we were all three drifting off to sleep. My baby was nestled in the middle of the bed.
Suddenly, I "knew" that I had to move him. Something told me, "move him, NOW!" I felt a sense of urgency and I moved my baby to the other side of the bed.
As soon as I moved him, my fiance's hand came crashing down, full force where my baby's head was positioned only seconds before. I don't know if my fiance was asleep and inadvertantly swung his arm....or if it was something done on purpose...All I know is that
Jesus saved my newborn's life that night. I don't know what impact a swinging fist would have on a new born's fragile skull, but I truly believe that Jesus saved my baby that night.
He gave me a warning. A "knowing"....

When we seek Him, He will answer us..He will show us things. He is still the God of miracles. He is still the God of Love.
Thank you, Jesus for saving my boy that night...

Yesterday, I was at the park with my boys, my niece, nephew, and sister in law, Melonie.
I was speaking with Melonie and I learned some of her story. I have known Mel for years and I never knew her story...
She told me things that amazed me! She told me things that God had shown her...she told me of her own "knowing".....I was astounded! God doesn't limit himself to revealing Himself to certain people. He is there for each of us. All we have to do is seek.

Mel shared with me a very interesting story about her sister. Mel said that one day she was reading a book and suddenly she "knew" that she had to pray for her sister. She spoke of the sense of urgency. She "knew" that it could mean life or death.

Mel then told how she tried calling her sis and couldn't get an answer. She called her mom, instead.

When Mel's mom answered the phone, she was in tears. Mel's sister had gotten in an accident with an 18 wheeler. Mel's mom relayed how she should have been dead, but was alive as if by a miracle!

A few days ago, I felt a need to pray..I'm not sure who I was praying for, but I felt as if something bad was going to happen.

That night, my cousin Coty got into an accident. He and a friend had to be cut out of the truck Coty was driving. They did not have a seat belt.
They are miraculously both doing much better than expected. By all reason, they should be dead...But Jesus heard my prayers...they are alive!
Thank you, Jesus!
You are amazing....
I know that God has a plan and a purpose for Mels sister...for my cousin Coty..and for Coty's friend...Thier life was spared for a reason.

Thursday, May 26, 2011


This week I felt as if Jesus wanted me to reach out to a girl who was bullied in high school.
I'm not going to mention her name...
I've always like the girl, but I remember in grade school and high school the kids always relentlessly picked on her.

As a Christian, I should have taken a stand for this young lady. But I didn't. Why? I guess it was easier not to.

Why are kids so seemingly cruel? Is it because they have no example?
It seemed like so many people were judged at our high school if they didn't have the "right" brand of jeans.
I wonder how the bullying affected this young lady's life?
Don't we know that with every cruel word or action, we plant darkness in the hearts of someone else..that darkness could grow so huge inside someone....but yet so many trod on...not seeming to care...unaware of the destruction that they leave behind...

Dear girl, if you are reading's for a reason. Jesus wanted me to reach out to you in love. Because you aren't defined by what negative things others may have said to you. I'm not just talking out of my mouth... He showed me.
You are special. You were created in His image. Even the very hairs on your head are numbered.
He can heal so much in your life if you will ask Him and let Him.
I love you and I'm sorry I didn't stand up for you.
With the Love of Christ,


PARENTS: It's time to take a stand! Live what you believe! Set the example of kindness!
Please pass this on via facebook via..anything...It's time to stop the darkness in its tracks by spreading His Love

I challenge any and everyone who reads this to reach out to someone you have bullied...OR someone who was "unpopular" and got teased in school.

I'm sorry to anyone I have ever bullied....

Adultery, why do people do it?

Adultery, I can understand how some could be sucked into this vortex of doom. Read on....

First of all, put down your stones.

I want this blog to be a site of Truth...I want the Light to shine here...sometimes we have to talk about the hard, cold facts of life...the things that matter.....If you are coming to my blog as a means to obtain juicy gossip or to dissect and tear apart, then you will one day have to answer for your behaviour.

I don't want to understand adultery.
I know that during the course of my life, I have gone through cell phone records, computer history, etc. etc,
Anyone who has ever suspected a loved one or spouse of cheating, completely understands.
It hurts.
It hurts to the core. It hurts how the word "love" can be tossed around so carelessly.
It hurts to find someone else's number on the phone of someone who is supposed to be committed to you. It hurts to learn of "secrets." It just plain hurts.

So why? Why? Why do men and women cheat? Is it selfishness? Do some people completely have a disregard for others that they are willing to sacrifice their families welfare for a fling or a one night stand? Has the idea of self control been lost in our selfish society?

Has anyone heard about the website, Ashley Madison dot com? A place where married couples go to find that "special" someone? I cringe at the concept..

How many married people that dabble on dating sites or dabble with "friends" of the opposite sex consider themselves Christian? I am sickened...But can I cast my stones?

I don't. I simply want to shout from the rooftops, ADULTERY IS WRONG!

I have talked to many people about adultery. I have asked, why? I know married people and have heard stories about people who think an occassional delve into this realm "isn't going to hurt anyone.. I have actually heard someone say this. "Adultery isn't going to hurt anyone."

Do people with this false idea really believe that? Are they so lost that they have convinced themselves that they aren't hurting anyone? Families are torn apart because of adultery. America alone is falling apart before my very eyes! Children grow up without parents, often without love, and what is the result? Crime skyrockets, children are many dark things that grow out of "it isn't going to hurt anyone" adultery.

But can I cast my stones?

I was once in a situation. All trust was gone. I knew that I was being cheated on...I hadn't caught a certain someone in the actual act...but after enough lies about phone calls, and after actually talking to one of the women involved, I pretty much knew.
I didn't want to believe what was actually happening. So many lies. Adulters must be liars, also.
The two go hand in hand.

After I while, I began to notice other men. I began to crave that feeling of being "loved." I developed a close friendship with someone, but I realized that I was heading down the path of adultery myself. The friendship felt right. I never delved into the realm of adultery, Jesus stopped me..but I can see how some can be sucked into its vortex.

I can see how when someone is cheated on, they will reach out in part lonlieness and part revenge...

But it destroys! It kills families!
It is one of the most selfish acts that kills so much. So if you are dabbling on dangerous ground, stop!

(Hebrews 13:4) 4 Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the bed be undefiled: but God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterers.

"You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell."

If you struggle with the desire to commit adultery, Trust Him, He can help you.

Things don't have to be lost..nothing has to be lost.

Get Out!!!

We are not called to understand darkness, dark situations, or walk hand in hand with people that pull us into dark paths..

I once was a well meaning person. In my lonliness, I reached out to people that often walked on very very dark paths. I thought I could "change" these people. I realized that God loved them and thought that my goodness could somehow "reedem" them.

But it didn't happen. Instead, I walked in places I should have never gone. The darkness only grew....

There were times when I looked to understand the "dark" behavior... But I am not called to understand dark deeds...I am called to live in light.
So are you.

If you are in a situation, where you are being dragged into darkness....Run! Run! for the Hills.. Do Not let someone else cost you your very soul.

Yes, you have a soul! I have seen so many things! Jesus is Real!!! Hell is Real!!!
Read through my blog. I've had sooo many experiences!

Go to a safe place..and Him..sometimes it is hard to get out a me, I know...but He will help you...that is why He called life, the narrow path.

The light only grows when we spread it....lives will never change, if people continue walking dark paths.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

When we dissect too much, we bleed from the inside

For the past few days, I have been pondering on the "vastness" of things.
There are so many mysteries. So many doors that remain unopened.
The entire universe, creation, life,
God holds the key to so many unanswered questions.

I was curious to know about people who have had some of the same experiences as me. So I did a little research. I was amazed to find that many people have had similar experiences. But it seemed as if there were truths that I could relate to...and some that I could not.

It seemed as if I became lost in it all. I was actually sad for quite a while today. Realizing that there were so many things that I couldn't comprehend... I was actually beginning to get a headache.

Sometimes when we dissect too much, we tend to bleed from the inside.

I was near tears.......I went outside...still pondering all of these ideas and suddenly I felt the wind upon my face...I could see the sunshine ...I could see the wind blowing through the trees.

And I realized...I don't think I want to understand life's huge mysteries. I want to partake of it's
simplicity. Thanking Him for the smallest things...often opens doors of peace within me...
the sound of my boys laughter, the air that fills my lungs, the warmth of the sunshine...

In delighting in the small thanking Him for the things have, I have peace. My answers will come as I seek...right now I delight in life's simplicity.


If I knew all of life's mysteries
If I could tell of my fate
Would I seek Him for answers?
And patiently wait?

If I knew the answers,
the wheres? and the whys?
Would I presume to know everything
and reach out for the lies?

If I looked for my answers in the stars up above
Would I forget that my purpose is to reach out in love?

There are so many questions, so much concealed
But When I turn to Him, truth for me, is revealed...

So humbly bend your dear head,
find your answers in prayer
and ask Him to join you.
He'll meet you there.

His Love is Immense
So pure and so Fair
He has shown me a Light
No pain can live there..

So take Him your sorrows
Your questions, Your fear
And the Light of that Love
Will draw you so near

The Holy Spirit is the name
of all that is right
He will perfect your vision
Make clear your sight
Soon the chaos that enfolds your heart
will emerge into colors,
Your life's work of art..

You are so beautiful
You are a seed
So tiny and small
Filled with such need

But if you let Him give you
The Light of His Love
All dark, will turn light
In grace from above.

Cool, I just made this up...He gave it to me...Interesting.

Identical Dreams

I used to have a recurring dream. I always thought it was strange.
My mom used to have a red suburban. In the dream I was sitting in the back of her red suburban..and my mom was driving...
I looked up and suddenly my mom was gone. She was no longer at the wheel. I had to climb to the front of the suburban and drive. This dream always took place on the curve just past my grandmother's house.

This is going to sound strange to some people. I guess it is just one of those strange things. I don't take stock in dreams unless I know the source.

One day when I was much younger..I began to tell my sister about this dream...before I could finish it..she finished it for me. She had the exact same dream. Even the location of the dream was the took place on the curve in front of my grandmother's house.

I haven't thought about this in years...just thought it was very very very strange.

Perhaps this is one of life's mysteries. Perhaps it is God's way of telling me that there is so much more than what we much more than we can ever begin to comprehend...

There are no coincidences. There is order. There is a plan.

Live Church

I am going to propose something to my pastor.
I believe Jesus gave me this idea...
One Sunday, I want to have what I am going to call, "A live church."
I want us, as a group of believers, to go out into the field.

I think churches everywhere should experience and share the love they sometimes preach about. My pastor exemplifies love. He lives his faith. Many in our church live thier faith.

I've seen people in other religions living the love of Jesus, basking in His greatness...
The Beauty of Jesus is that He doesn't discriminate. He said, Ask and You shall be given. Seek and You will find.." He doesn't limit the seeking and finding to select groups, churches, or clubs.
He is there for those that need Him. He is there for those that accept Him.

What would "A live church" look like....
Perhaps it would look like people donating things and giving them to those less fortunate.
Perhaps it would mean going into a homeless shelter, or a women's shelter, or a hospital...
And praying for the sick...reaching out to the lost.

Our lives should look something like "A live church"
Not gaining our strength from the four walls of a building...but gaining our strength in the knowlege that He is perfect...and He is love.

Not a hippie, feel-good, do whatever pleases you sort of love...but a love that realizes that sin is imperfect. A love that realizes that sin kills all that is good. A love that causes one to realize that this walk is not about us....and there is a beauty in the letting go.

I love my church. I love the people inside. I love my pastor and his wife. Our church is called Healing House.
But do people have to belong to a church to be saved? I don't think so...I belive that people can live church..."a live church" I believe that other Christians are necessary in our lives because they strengthen us....they reinforce, encourage, and lift up...
But all too often I find that people will disappoint. Sometimes Churches will disappoint....
The only place I feel in His arms...No building can protect me.....Only He can.

So sad

There are days when I feel a perfect plan unfolding,
there are days when I feel the hugeness of creation and the universe..

there are days when I can see order amidst all of the chaos...
there are days when I think I completely understand what heaven will be like

but there are days when I am sad.
I am sad for the victims of the tornados in Joplin Missouri.
I am sad for the mother of the three children who are lost, taken by the wind..
I am sad because even though I can see Jesus holding her children, I still would not want to walk in her shoes.
I am sad.

I know that in tragedy people turn toward God or they question His goodness....
I am sad for the boy who was killed on his graduation day...sucked through the roof of his vehicle by the force of a tornado. I pray that He is resting in the arms of Jesus.

I am sad because of all of the lies. The lies that invade our life and cause people to question.
I am sad because I have seen things...very supernatural things...I believe in Him...I am sad that so many do not.

I wish I could pour out the contents of my mind.......I wish that I could convey who He is through words....but no words can describe His prescence. No words can describe His power. It is something that must be felt and experienced.

I am sad because He invites each of us to seek....and He tells us that we will find...and I am finding...but I am sad because so many don't want to seek. But instead, listen to the lies.

I am sad becasue I can see things so much bigger than what even a church can reveal. I see safety and solace in His arms. I see a perfect is rooted in a divine is so big and so magnanamous that is unable to be described.

I can see that so many have had experiences. so many. So many talk about thier experiences. I am sad because people's lives have been so inudated with lies, that no one knows who or what to believe.

I have simply learned...that people lie. So many people lie. I have learned to seek Him, through prayer and through His word....I have learned to turn down the noise, and listen to the voice....the one that urges me to act in love....the one that urges me to sacrifice....and I am finding.
Yes, I am finding...
Never look to me for answers. I cannot give them in the way that He can. Only He is perfect in His answers. Only He can fulfill. Only He and He alone.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Some interesting posts from a blog I follow

10% of our Brain

I've always heard that we utilize 10% of our brain power. I actually googled it and found it to be a myth...
but I want to share something very unique and interesting that happened to me a few years ago.

I like to write songs. Often I will begin singing a melody and it turns into a very well structured song. I'm not very proficient at an instrument. I took piano lessons when I was in high school. Sometimes I can write very basic songs on the piano, but in the past I have taken my melodies to professional musicians and watched my songs come to life.

It is a very fascinating experience. To create.

I always sang my own harmonies when doing a recording. I always had difficulties with harmonies. Often, whoever I was working with would write the harmonic pieces. I would have to learn them and sing them over the original vocal track.

Harmonies were very very difficult for me. One day I was listening to the radio in my car and suddenly I began to sing harmonies behind the lead vocalist. I thought it was a fluke. I had never been able to do it before.

The very next song came on. I was able to create a harmonic piece for the next song. It was very strange. It's as if I was singing harmonies just clicked one day. All of a sudden, I got it..the pieces of the puzzle fit together.

Our mind is such a unique creation. I often read stories about people who have come out of a coma and begin to compose music.... a gift that was previously unbeknowst to them.

One day I thought Jesus was telling me that I would be proficient at an instrument one day. Maybe one day things will just "click." Perhaps, I should begin to practice and some day things will all come together...those pieces of the puzzle will make sense.

Maybe we do only use part of our minds. It seems that if we used more of it, society would be a little better off. Or maybe we would have too many people that think they "know it all."

One thing I do know...the more I seek, the more I trust, the more I come to understand. I can see mysteries of life unfolding and even more awaiting ......"Ask and you shall be given. Seek and you shall find."

Pathway of Pain...Brennan's Brigade

Author: Helen Steiner Rice

If my days were untroubled and my heart always light,

Would I seek that fair land where there is no night?

If I never grew weary with the weight of my load,

Would I seek for God’s peace at the end of the road?

If I never knew sickness and never felt pain,

Would I search for a hand to help and sustain?

If I walked without sorrow and lived without loss

Would my soul seek solace at the foot of the cross?

If all I desired was mine day by day,

Would I kneel before God and earnestly pray?

If God sent no winter to freeze me with fear,

Would I yearn for the warmth of spring every year?

I ask myself these and the answer is plain,

If my life were pleasure and I never knew pain -

I’d seek God less often and need Him much less,

For God is sought more often in times of distress.

And no one knows God or sees Him as plain -

as those who have met Him on the "Pathway of Pain"

I read this poem on a facebook post last night.

a little ten year old boy recently lost his battle with brain cancer. His name was Brennan Daigle.

I saw him on the news once. He was an inspiration to all who knew him. He had a great faith and a pure heart. He started a movement called, Brennan's Brigade. He rallied courage and hope for over forty thousand people. His facebook page has over forty thousand people from all over the nation and all over the world.

I cried last night. I couldn't imagine what his family is going through. But even through it all, they posted this amazingly beautiful poem that speaks of courage and hope.

Even in death, God can still dip his finger into what seems to be chaos and bring Light.

Brennan is in Paradise, smiling down on his family.

I didn't know him but his story touched my life.

I didn't know him, but I'll see him one day.

I'll say, "Thanks little Brennan for your courage. Thanks little Brennan for your inspiration. Thank you for showing the world that even in tragedy, there is still a Light. I love you little Brennan."

God Bless the family of little Brennan Daigle. What a huge amount of Light such a small boy can carry!

Read some posts like this one...just hoping they will help someone

Monday, May 23, 2011

The power of words, story of a separation,, promise of a transformation, and the beauty of a choice

I went to a church service several months back...a guest speaker and his wife were there.

They said a prayer for me at the alter.

The lady, I wish I could remember her name, called me a "great woman of God."

When she spoke this, I was going through many things. I was having a very difficult time. I hadn't done anything at the time to warrant the title. "great woman of God." My walk had essentially just begun.

Her husband was speaking about how he used to be addicted to meth. He spoke of how he had a very serious drug issue but his grandma would remind him on a regular basis that he was a great man of God. He didn't see it at the time..but his grandma could see something in him that others could not. His grandma spoke a blessing into his life. Her words had the power to give hope and to heal. Now, the man travels around the world with his wife helping others. Giving to those in need.
I didn't see how I could ever be a "great woman of God." But now I see how the power of words have the ability to heal and build up. Words are such a powerful force.

But I can see how words can kill. In the Bible it talks about how our words are like sparks that can set huge fires. They have the power to destroy. Lies....lies often come in the form of words...I have seen how dangerous and deadly they are. I have seen how lies kill trust and create hatred.

I think about all of the difficulties I have had in my marriage. All of the lies. I feel like I have been set on fire many times by the power of lies. Lies have burned me, so to speak.
But I know that the Word of God has the power to heal....

Sometimes when I think about my marriage....I've actually been separated for a while..I'm writing a post on that as we speak....I wonder if words have the power to rebuild what has been lost...It seems that everytime I come to a new, fresh place of forgiveness, something else happens....and I lose the heart to speak the healing words.

God showed me something. It should come as no surpise. He wants marriages to work. All too often we want to give up. Isn't that the easy way?
But I know that we cannot force someone to love us....I know that we cannot take trust and create it with our own two hands...

One day I felt as if God was showing me that He wanted my marriage to work. Of course, He does! He wants them all to work. The walk isn't about us...the walk is about our children..and those we will affect... I felt like He wanted to take everything and turn it into something, where it seemed like nothing. I felt like it was that tiny seed of nothingness, but He wanted it to grow and prosper. But so much trust had been lost. So many things had been done.

I have found that He has led me into places of forgiveness that I never thought possible. I have found that He has taught me to trust in Him and Him alone.

One day I was saying a prayer, I said, God, if you truly truly want this to work, please let me hear it from someone else. Confirm it through someone who knows nothing of my situation. I said, I want to hear the word, "transformation."

I was at a church service. A guest speaker was there. My pastor called someone to front who needed a "marriage miracle." I thought, hey, that's me. So I answered the call. The guest speaker's wife prayed for I was walking away..the guest speaker said to expect a "transformation" soon.

What is so sad to me is that so many couples call it quits after a few spats or after a "falling out of love." So many people just quit after going through much much much lesser trials than I have gone through....

I must ask, what is love? I know what it is...It is written,

Love is patient. Love is kind. Love is not rude, or self seeking. Love doesn not boast. It is not proud. Love is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrong. It does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the Truth....

To me, true Love is the source of all that I seek...Jesus is the true source of love...

But so many, it seems, have turned thier backs on Him..and marriages are failing as a result.
If I had sought Jesus from the beginning, so many of my problems would have been solved.

He showed me that while I don't have to put up with abusive behaviour, I can still come to places of love and forgiveness...

But I guess we cannot force someone to love us in return...We cannot force truth to spring forth from their lips. We don't have that power.

I have often wondered...will God transform my husband? I know that my husband has a choice. He can freely walk in darkness, which I will have NO part of....or to live in Light...which I will embrace... I also know that God can open the eyes of people. He is capable of All things. "Nothing is Impossible with God."

I know that for a while, my husband and I began to pray together. He attended a few church services with me. I was beginning to see change. And then, as soon as I began to trust, I found some things that shot the idea of maritial reconciliation right out of the water.

I wonder if people are casting thier stones at me. Wondering how and why God would waste his time on a "separated woman." I can only imagine how people who are divorced must feel.

But do not cast your stones. Carry your cross of love. I feel no sadness. Only joy. I have learned simply to "let it go" and place all of my cares and worries in the Hands that Heal.

I often wonder how things will be gotten back....I know that God can flick those switches in our brain....He can open our eyes in so many ways..
but I still often wonder if I will ever be able to trust in man again.

I remember when I first separated, I thought it was the end of the world. I thought God would hate me. I thought it would spell doom for the lives of my children. Even though I was in a horrible horrible situation, I still believed these lies.

One day, shortly after I decided to separate, I was feeling very very sad. I was playing with my boy, thinking so many negative thoughts...I looked up, and it was as if my baby boy was clothed in light. He seemed to be glowing almost. Suddenly, I realized that God did not hate my boy because of my "separation." He loved him. He showed me that day, His immense love for my children...

I would never promote divorce or separation. But it doesn't spell the end of the world. God has brought me into so many beautiful places since my separation. He showed me that while I don't have to put up with being treated horribly, I can still walk in love, purity, and forgiveness.

In the meantime, I wait. I pray. I trust. I listen for that beautiful voice.

I know that Jesus wants us "All together." He wants us, as families, to walk with Him one day. He wants us whole...Some days, sadly, when I think of a family in our "all togetherness" , I think of my immediate family. Me, my kids, my parents, aunts, uncles, siblings, nieces, nephews, grandparents, etc, get the idea. Sometimes, when I am hurt very deeply by my husband's actions, I don't consider him in the realm of "all together"... But last night, I looked at my baby boy...He is but an infant..only 2 years old, but I know that he wants his family all together. I know that he wants his mom and his dad to one day walk with Jesus.

Please read my post entitled All Together..Here is the link:

I know that my love is not perfect....Love keeps no record of wrong...but it seems that sometimes, even though i forgive, do I hold onto the hurt? or am i merely protecting myself?

I don't know....all I know is that He wants us all together. I wish we lived in a perfect world.
Marriages used to work, but now people quit too easily. The roots of darkness are deep.
But the light only grows when we spread it...spread it on the dry, dusty ground.
Today, spread some light on your marriage.
Quit any dirty deeds that you are doing. Live in the Light...
I forgive but it is hard to put yourself in the path of a twister...that darkness that longs to uproot...
In the meantime, I wait. I pray. I trust.

I remember the rest of the verse about Love..I am always protects, always hopes..always perseveres...

Changes are on the horizon. The promise of a transformation is at hand..but there is a beauty in the fact that we have a choice..and HE will love us and our matter what we choose.

There were times when I wondered, Why? Why, Jesus? Why would you continually lead me to forgive someone who has hurt me so much so many times? I know the answer.

By continually leading me into forgiveness despite repeated wrongs, He showed me His very own character. He showed me that often, we walk all over Him by continuing in wrong doing, we ask for forgiveness, receive it, and yet still continue trodding along the same path. Yet, He continually forgives. I have a much greater appreciation for Him now.
I, personally see how much it hurts to forgive and yet still be wronged. I know how He must feel.

Doesn't He get tired of continually forgiving us of our repeated wrongs against Him? I don't know. But I know that I get tired of continually forgiving someone who repeatedly wrongs me.

Something out of Nothing

Last night as I was drifting off to sleep, I saw amazing things when I closed my eyes...

It appeared as if I could see the formation of Creation...I know it sounds strange...but I could see how the same Spirit that lives in us...the same substance from the Light of my dreams,

has the ability to form something from nothing. The earth was spoken into existence. "Let there be Light." It was as if I could close my eyes and feel the power of God forming something that was once void and lifeless.

The same Spirit that formed the earth and universe from nothing, took my dry, dusty, once dead life....and used someone to speak life back into it....

words have the power to build up...

to create...

or to destroy.

Stephen Hawking, the renowed scientist, doesn't believe in God. But he ironically recognizes that something can not come from nothing.

It took a Spirit to create the world.

A very powerful Spirit of love that we call God. He created perfection. It was man that ruined things. It was man's spirit of oppostion, that powerful force called "self" that gave into temptation.

That is why we are called to deny self, to live for Him, serving others.
As I act in love and follow His word, I can see His plan of perfection.

Red Letters.

I think I figured out why there aren't too many red letters in the Bible. Jesus didn't need to talk much. He lived his beliefs. He didn't fill the air with false promises or pointless gossip...

When He spoke, He instructed.

He didn't speak much. He listened.


There are three kinds of people.
There are the People that look to continually blame others for every mishap in thier life.

Then, there are the people that relentlessly blame themselves.

I used to be the one who blamed myself.

But then, Jesus showed me I could become the third type of person.
The person that lives blamelessly...forgiving right, as a beacon of light, to help others to find thier way.

my boys

Sunday, May 22, 2011

the leftover girl...

I once had a nickname for myself.."the leftover girl"

I felt like I wasn't good enough for the finer things in life. I saw myself the way I thought others saw me.....only worthy of life's leftovers.

I guess I felt sorry for myself...

I was engaged a few times in my life.
During the course of my first engagement, my fiance one day offhandedly mentioned his ex girlfriend. He would mention his "ex" often. It became a considerable problem. I continally felt as if I were walking in someone else's shadow.
One day he mentioned how he had specially designed an engagement ring for her. He described how he had planned out a very unique, specially designed ring tailored to fit her perfectly.

When I got my ring, it happened to be his sister's ring from her divorce.
I don't think he meant to hurt me by this...but I guess on some level it hurt very deeply. I felt like I deserved the best...the specially designed ring.

When I met my husband, he too had an "ex." In this case, an ex wife. He offhandedly mentioned one day about he had bought her a very special, very expensive ring.
I later found out that he was secretly talking to his ex behind my when I got my very inexpensive looking ring....I thought that, once again, I was getting life's leftovers.

I began to feel as if I wasn't good enough for the good things. I saw myself through the eyes of man.

How many times have I been left hurt, bitter, and disappointed my men? By people? far far too many too count.

I could detail so many events in my life that speak of unfairness. I could outline the hurts...but it wouldn't do any good.

I had to let them go. There is a beauty in the "letting go."

But the one thing I have learned is that I am not His leftover girl. I walk in no ones shadow when I walk with Him. Instead, I walk in His Light. There are no shadows there.

He may not have a specially designed ring to fit my finger..but He has a specially designed plan and purpose to fit my life. I am not His princess...I am His servant...I serve now so that one day I can have those finer things...The treasures that I store up...The treasures that rust and moth cannot touch.

If only we could stop looking at ourselves based on the way we have been treated...and begin to see ourselves as He see us...

Today, recognize that you are more than how the world sees you. You are created in His image.
The very hairs of your head are numbered. He sees something where others don't.

Know that you are special. Know that you are loved.

I do not cast my stones at the givers of the rings. I want the best for them. I hope they find their way...I simply know that for my own life, I no longer to look to people for fulfillment. It leaves me empty every time.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

*234 unlocks the door, He unlocks so much more..

I want to detail a trip we took to the nursing home today. By we, I mean me, Cade, and baby Brendan Bear.

I haven't been to the nursing home in several weeks but I so often feel the need to go.

As I pulled into the parking lot, I began to cry. I felt that Jesus was with me. I felt an overwhelming love for the people inside.

I also felt a great sadness....a despair..because I know that there must be an immense sense of lonliness inside the nursing home walls. I know that there are people in there that have no one. No visitors. I know that many of them are forgotten. They are living out thier final days in sadness.

I often read stories about nursing home neglect and abuse. I don't know how prevalent it is...butI know it is there nonetheless...It isn't really spoken of in everyday conversation. It too, is something that is forgotten.

So we said a prayer that God would let us bring Light into the dark corridors of this dreadful place. There were many different buildings. We chose to enter one that looked a little less traveled.

If you have ever been to a nursing home, you will know that there you have to enter a code to get inside the door. A little pin pad code. It is a place where people are literally locked inside. It must feel like a prison to its inhabitants.

We got the code, we entered...we went....

I was a little nervous..not much..but I guess I didn't know where to start...there are hundreds of people inside...I knew I couldn't pray for everyone....I wasn't sure where to go..or into which room I could bring some Light.

I went to the first room I saw. It was a room not very well lit. It was lunchtime. There were two women in the room lying in thier beds. There was a nurse also. I asked one of the women if she wanted a prayer. She very fervently shook her head, yes. I could see an eagerness in her eyes. A hope. I told her I would let her finish her meal and that we would wait outside.

We scanned the halls for a few moments and then returned. In the bed was a very beautiful, yet very frail woman. She was very old but still quite pretty. Her name is June. She gave me her hand and I prayed for her.
When I was through praying, she still clutched my hand and said, "thank you." She was so grateful that someone had come into her lonely room. She told me that I was raising my children "right" by showing them how to love others.
Thank you Jesus. This is what I have always hoped for. To be a shining example to my children...and to others.

I told her that next time we came by, we would say hello. I told her that I don't get to come too often because of my work..but we would remember her in our prayers.

There was another person in the room. An inhabitant. Separated by a curtain.
I asked her if she wanted a prayer. She didn't seem very old. Quite young, actually. She appeared to be in her forties. Her hair was the color of sand, only it had streaks of blue, green, maybe a few other colors mixed in. She wore a big blue ring. She nodded her head very fervently when I asked her if she wanted a prayer.

In my prayer I told her of God's great love for her. I told her she was loved. I could feel Jesus urging me to let her know of the Love. As I mentioned the word, Love....that four letter word that we so long for, I could see her holding back tears. I could tell that no one has told her they loved her in a very long time.

I learned that she was deaf. She could hear, but not speak. I told her that I loved her in sign language. She smiled. I knew that Jesus left a mark on her heart.

Love...such a simple concept. But such a powerful force. Pure, true, love, cloaked in innocence, stained with blood...that is my Jesus. A very real embodiment of great divine love.

Next, we saw a lady standing in the middle of the hall. We explained that we were trying to bring some light into thier dwelling. Would you like a prayer, we asked. She said, "maybe later." She said she was angry at the "dog food" they were feeding her. She then averted my eyes with the pointing of her finger, to a ziploc bag filled with the remnants of her lunch. She said they feed her "dog food" but her roomate gets what looks like steak.

I must admit the contents of her lunch bag did appear less than appetizing. We gave her a hug and told her we loved her. It didn't occur to me until just now that I could've bought her another lunch.

Next, we walked into a room. There was a man in there by himself. His tv was very loud. He wore a hearing aid. We asked if we could pray with him. He smiled, put his hand to his hearing aid and beckoned us to speak louder.

I asked him if he knew Jesus and could we pray with him...He very fervently shook his head yes and smiled. I noticed that he wore many crosses around his neck. Rosaries and crosses.
So we prayed. He expressed his gladness that we had come to pray with him. His face lit up with a huge smile. I believe that he knew Jesus.

We walked into another room. One lady was sleeping soundly. Another woman sat in a wheelchair. She had a white bun sitting neatly atop her head. We asked if she wanted a prayer.
Why yes, of course, she said. I would love a prayer.

So we prayed. I could tell that she knew Him. She asked me if what church I attended and if the Holy Ghost was there...I told her and I said, yes, He is there.

I asked if I could take her picture. I told her that I wanted people to see, through my blog, that humans live here. Humans that need love. People that need a little of His Light. I told her I wanted to encourage and inspire others to visit this dark place.

So if you are reading this..and want to go...I went to Resthaven..but there are nursing homes across the country that need Light. At Resthaven, *234 unlocks the door. He unlocks so much more.

I can't help but wonder if I will ever be in a nursing home. I guess there is no way to know. But I can only pray that if I am,,someone will find the time to come say hello....

Friday, May 20, 2011

Letter to moms considering abortions


My name is Rachelle. I work around trains. The other day I saw two tiny bird eggs nestled in some hay on one of the bottoms of a train compartment. I knew that the birds couldn't survive without the care and nurturing of thier mother.

I became very sad for these lost baby birds. I knew that they would never get to feel the warmth of the sun. I knew that they would never get to stretch thier little wings and take flight. They would never feel the air beneath thier tiny wings as they soared to unknown places.

I am writing this letter in hopes of saving the life of an unborn child. I simply want to give a new mother hope for her life. I have gone through many hard places in life. I have found that life isn't easy, nor is it always fair. I was at a very low point several months ago. I didn't see much light at the end of my tunnel. I had seen many supernatural and miraculous things in my life, but I had turned my back on God. I was very angry with people who had hurt me.

I was in a situation and I felt Jesus literally pick me up and place back on the "right" path. I began to seek. As I prayed one day, a switch literally came on inside my head. The fog of my depression literally lifted. I could see the world in color again. The more I began to seek, the more I found. But I found that being a true Christian is about sacrifice. It's about making the hard decisions and realizing that the world is no longer about me. But there is a beauty in the sacrifice. But it is very difficult.

Jesus showed me an image of a tiny seed. He showed me that many of us are like tiny seeds. We may seems like nothing, but inside each of us lie something very beautiful. He showed me that if I would let Him water me and give me the Light of His love, then I would grow into something very amazing and beautiful. So I did. My life hasn't been the same since.

Today I want to offer that hope to you and your baby. I want to tell you that you do not have to define yourself by negative things that others may have told you. You are so much more. Inside you are great things. If you trust Him, He can bring your life to a place of beauty and a place of rest.

He gave me a very real, very divine love. It is through that love that I can truly say, "I don't know you, but I love you. You can become a great woman of God. You are beautiful. Your very hair and the hairs of your unborn child are numbered."

I want your child to feel the warmth of that sun and to feel the wind on his back. I want your baby to prosper and to grow. I want him to soar on the wings of happiness and love.

Inside you lies the key to being a wonderful mother. Trust in Him, and He can unlock that door.
If you ever need prayer or an ear to listen, email me at
You can also look at a blog I'm writing. It's simply a place where people can go to feel loved. It details many of my experiences and things that He has shown me.

So many many people will tell you that abortion is ok. It has become accepted in society. It has become the easy path. A baby with a heartbeat is often referred to as a fetus. But I think somewhere inside you, you know that there is life inside of you. Right now, that baby may seem like that tiny tiny little seed. But he/she can grow into something beautiful.

God Bless you and your child,

my prayers are with you

Matthew 6:25-34

Do Not Worry 25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

Your baby is more valuable than those lost little birds.

Mam maw

My grandma "ma maw" died on Christmas Day. I was very young, but I remember her very vividly.

She always made me laugh. She was very special and very full of life.

She made up a poem that I still remember..from 28 years ago.

The Night was dark and dreary
The hour was half past nine.
A billy goat backed into a barbed wire fence
and skinned his never-you-mind

I am going to begin collecting family stories.
Our stories are who we are....they are what make us unique.
I am letting Jesus write my story and I know that it is going to be interesting. Quite interesting.

Self Sustaining

My mom and dad are on thier way to becoming self sustaining.
There is something beautiful about the idea.
Every day my dad collects eggs from the chickens. He waters and feeds the ducks.
He tends to the turkeys.
My mom wants a goat for milking. She also wants rabbits.

My dad is going to dig a pond for the ducks to swim...
Such a beautiful and simple idea...
Self Sustaining.

Our Zinnia

The other day, I bought my boys a little kit for growing a flower.
Little Bear and I planted ours about a week ago.

I recall looking at the seed. It looked so frail. So helpless. I remember thinking, how is this dry, dead looking thing going to grow into something with petals and color?

But I planted it and watered it. I placed it in a little nook on the outside porch.

I waited a few days and today I went outside.

Several small green buds were showing thier heads, peering above the dirt.

I thought it was beautiful how I could see something green and vibrant growing from something that seemed so small and insignificant.

That little seed, although it seemed like nothing, contained inside it something special. It held life although that life was dormant. It held the building blocks to something more.

I remember when my life seemed like nothing. And I still remember that voice that said, "rachelle, you are a tiny seed, but if you let me water you and give you the Light of my love, you will grow into something beautiful.

Oh, Oh, the things that grow.
Today, ask Him for His water..."Let all who are thirsty, come." Ask Him for His Light, "I am the way, the Truth, and the Light." You will flourish. You will grow. You will find your roots.

with my own two feet..mesage to those in a less than pleasant situation

Today I was very frustrated with a situation. The situation involves work but I think the lesson can apply to maybe any and every situation that causes frustration.

I work so much it seems. I am continually being "forced" into overtime, working long hours...spending too much time away from my children.

Today, I was just frustrated. I know that I have no right to complain. I began to pray and seek the voice of Jesus..that beautiful voice...As I was praying, I realized that I have absolutely no right to complain. None. I am so blessed in so many areas of my life.

First of all, I have a job. I read other people's blogs and I see so much struggle. So many financial problems. So many people are worried about thier next meal, cutting coupons, holding onto every penny, struggling to get put food on the table for thier families.

Oh, I 'm so sad for complaining about having to work too much. It just makes me sad to see my children suffering because they miss their momma.

I have been in both positions in my life. I've been in a position where I had no money. I was on leave from work. My husband had lost his job. We moved in with my in-laws. I had no money for any leisure, entertainment... But I had food. I had shelter. I had quality time with my children.

I am so grateful to my in laws for helping me during this time. So very grateful. I don't know what it is like to be truly without. I have worked my entire life, supported myself, but I have always had family to stay with as I paid off student loans..or worked to complete school.

God Bless the people who have no one. I know things must be extraordinarily difficult for them.

I began to seems as if so many people are unhappy with thier situation. People who work too little and have less...People who work too much and seem to lose time.

I can't be angry about my situation because I carved that path with my own two feet. I had a choice. But God gives us two feet to carve out another. If we aren't happy, we always have the choice to change our situation. Often, we blame God for paths that we carve with our own two feet.

Good things often require work. Sometimes hard, grueling work.

I read a very interesting blog the other day.. It was by a very accomplished man. He said to dream with your feet. Often we want God to bring us out of our situation..But we must ask, what are we doing to change things?

Sitting idly waiting....or working, striving to produce the fruit?

Above all, I know that Jesus has a very distinct voice...when we turn down the noise we can hear it, when we listen. What is He telling you?

I know for me, He gave me a very real, vivid image of my future. But I am now wondering if I am called to work toward that vision or if He will just hand it over...

I"m not sure...I guess I don't where I'm supposed to be..or what I am supposed to be doing...I do know one thing...that I am called to Love. To act in love and kindness.

I know that I have two feet to carve paths. In the past, my feet led me into dark places. Now, my path is lit by the most brilliant and amazing Light.

I know, ultimately, that I am blessed and I have no right whatsoever to complain.

In the meantime, I pray and wait....I know that things will change, I guess I just don't know if I'm supposed to wait patiently for doors to open or dream with my feet. I guess I listen to the voice for now. It will lead me.. In the meantime, I don't sit down. I don't wait. I am not quiet.
I spread His message and let His love be felt.
His Love is meant to be shared.

If you get a chance, read Ecclesiasties. It is a beautiful book that puts so many things in perspective.

As I was typing this up....someone called and said they would work the overtime for me tomorrow! I will get to spend time with my kids, after all. He provides a way. Thank you, Jesus.
You are cool. Dare I say the word, cool. Just cool.

I guess one thing that I have learned is that the pursuit of wealth is futile. If we trust God, He will provide. All that we have is meant to be shared.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Disheartening prediction, disheartening responses

I'm so sad that so many people are falling for the May 21st end of the world scam. It really truly makes me very sad. When May 21st passes without incident, so many people will be left scratching thier heads, blaming Christianity..

How many people will lose faith because they put thier faith in this case a radio broadcaster who spent his entire life fortune on advertising the upcoming "doomsday."

The Bible says , "No man knows the day nor the hour, " in reference to Christ's return.

Apparently the doomsday speaker doesn't believe he is a man. He fancies himself a god, I suppose.

I read an article on CNN written by an athiest. Thousands of people have sold many of thier belongings because they think the end of world is in two days.
The article reflects the athiests disgust with Christianity. I'm so sad at lies in general. When we claim to be Christian and lie or act foolishly, so many people turn away in sadness and disgust.

I left a comment in the comment section of the article... I don't remember exactly what I stated, but something to effect of how I'm not an Christian woman droning about an unfelt God. I am a woman who has experienced the power of God. I don't believe in the Bible because I live in the Bible belt. I am not someone who is "mass deluded" into believing some dead thing that I am being force fed by a pastor, preacher, or priest.

I am woman who has experienced. All too often we put our hopes in man. Man lies. Man disappoints. But Jesus, although His name has been tainted by "christians" that claim to know Him and walk in lies and darkness, is a very real and very powerful force.

I wish I could cause everyone to experience the Power of God. I once read the Bible and all I saw were words across a page. It wasn't until I commited myself to following it, that things began to come together in great and unimaginable ways. I began to see order amidst the choas.
Peace amonst cacophany.

I posted a link along with my if you are here and have questions....I pray that you will find your answers. Maybe you will never read a Bible. I hope you can read through all of my experiences and see the face of Jesus behind my life. Because He is there. He is real.
Whoever you are, faceless stranger, I love you.

Pray for the man that wrote the article, please pray for the families that will be affected by this circulation doomsday lie, and please pray for the man who is spreading them.

Music often melts me

Music has the ability to melt me. Nothing speaks of human love better than the guitar of Chris Isaak. His voice alone has the power to melt.

Music often brings out a desire in me for things that I no longer want to desire. Music, in a sense, makes me weak.

The other day I was at a coffee shop, music was playing in the background. I began to feel somewhat sad, remembering things that should be left in the past. Music has the power to resurrect. It awakens vulnerabilities in me. There is no question that music is powerful.
For some, however, it speaks of the wrong messages.

Music often speaks of the wrong king of love. Love that is selfish and self motivated.

But yes, I still love music!

For the time being, I listen to it a lot less. I find that when I listen, I concentrate on myself. I ponder my own needs and desires. I think less about others.

Music resurrect times in my life that I need to forget.

I know that for now, I long for quiet and peace. I long for the rest and the voice that comes in stillness and silence.

For now, I turn it down...not forever, there are still moments when I will listen to my Chris Isaak...or Bob Marley...or Brandy Carlisle...or Al Greene...

But for now, I want to be strong. I have walked in weakness and vulnerability nearly my entire life.
I want to be strong.

Some personal quotes..

"Great things come through great sacrifices"

"My life is a compass that points in the direction of the Cross. The needle of that compass, when aimed at Truth, allows love to radiate in all directions, toward every human being, all living things. It is when our compass points towards mankind, when we look to people or things to satiate our needs, to fill our voids, that confusion reigns. The needle of our compass, when pointed away from Our Creator, will often pierce us in great ways, causing very deep scars and very real pain."

Cool,,,I actually just made that up......But He showed it to me...

The days go by too quickly

Sometimes it seems as if the days go by too quickly.....

I was spending time with my baby bear the other day and it so often seems as if time moves too fast.

I cringe at all of the years wasted in darkness. Wasted under the fog of depression. Listening to the lies of the Enemy.

The days are so much brighter now..I only wish they would last longer. But I have a very real hope and promise of Heaven. Where there is no time, but there is eternity.

Sometimes I recognize how frail and fragile this life is...people, everyone we love...everything in this life fades. We lose people. We lose time. We get older. We inevitably face death.

It is so sad if we look through the world with our human eyes.

But if we can learn to look beyond the natural realm, we will begin to learn that Heaven, the world of the supernatural, the unseen things of God, are so much greater. We begin to realize that by opening ourselves up, like the petals of a flower, so many good things will unfold in our own lives and in the lives of those around us.

I so often want to keep my children in a shell. Keep them safe, free from harm. I'm so sad because I know that this life is fleeting. This life has no guarantees. All I can do is know that more awaits. All I can do is train my children to be like Him. All I can do is live according to His Word, and trust that, although there are no guarantees in this frail and fleeting life, there is a promise that we can be All Together in the next.

I remember after my best friend Andy died, I was afraid to love again. The pain of loss is so great when we open ourselves up and allow ourselves to be vulnerable.

I read a facebook post the other day from a very special girl, she said that the pain makes her feel alive. I want to tell her that the joy of truly living is better than the pain from being alive.

When we show love and appreciation for those around us, giving thanks to Him for what we have, not dwelling on what we do not, then we can count ourselves blessed.

For, it is then that we are truly living...

But, yes, the days go by so fast.

The size of my fire

every once in a long while, Jesus will show me the size of my Light.....through the image of a fire.
I know it sounds crazy but hear me out..

Since I became a Christian, Jesus has showed me so so many things in reference to the Light that lives within us...One night I had a dream. I talk about it in so many other posts. But Jesus showed me how, as Christians, each of us has a Light within us..that me must share with others.

He gave me this very real vision. That, as Christians, we can begin to spread this Light to our community. The light will then spread throughout our nation and then to other parts of the world.

One day I lit a candle...I wanted to relax in the midst of a candlelit bath...Jesus spoke to me, and said..Rachelle, that is the size of your light. That very small yet brilliant light. It was enough to give me light to see in my dark bathroom. But it was so small and so tiny.....

But it was there, nonetheless....It was something.

A few months later I was driving to work. I was praying, as I often do, in my car. I was praising His Name. I looked up, and I saw this huge industrial flare. It extended about 20 feet into the air. As I was praying, I kept looking at this flare. This is going to sound strange to some, but the flare took on this strange quality. Jesus showed me that it was the size of my flame. It had grown so much since the small flame of the little candle.

I was amazed as I looked at this seemingly huge light beaming into the sky. It was a moment, where I could imagine the very real power of the Holy Spirit revealing Himself to me in a very unique way. I work at chemical plant. I see flares every day. But this day was special. Jesus, showed me the size of my fire that day.

I am believing that one day, my fire will be magnamous. Every time we act in love, every time we spread His message, heed His voice, the size of our Light, our flame, grows. Love, inevitably stops the darkness in it's tracks.

What is the size of your flame? Sadly, so many people have lost thier fire. They have let cares of this world smother the Light that longs to thrive and grow within each of us.

Air, or wind...will often cause a flame to grow....Ask Jesus to blow His mighty wind in your direction....Ask Him to Light your flame. He will. If you seek, you will find. Ask and you will be given... So often, we ask for things that we think will please us....but the walk is not about us...
the walk is about serving God, and is about the sacrifice.

Dear Lord, let my actions in purity and love, increase the size of my fire.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Message to those struggling with depression

I spoke about my earlier battles with depression in other posts...but one thing I failed to mention...

I battled with depression for years. I just read that 19 million people struggle with some form of depression. It can be crippling.

I used to take medication. Pristiq...Cymbalta...I even took medication for anxiety..

One day I was saying a prayer...and Jesus literally flipped some sort of switch inside my head...I saw, at that moment, image...I had been walking through a dark an instant..with the flick of the switch...I could see the magnaminty of the world. I saw purpose. The world literally expanded. Colors, in an instant, became brighter and more vivid....

The bars from my prison of the mind, so to speak, literally came crashing down.....

I was praying on another occassion, I had a vision of a marriage was like a tiny seed, but if I would let God water me with the light of His love, then I would grow into a beautiful flower.

I haven't been on depression medication since I began to Trust. That is the power of my God.
There is a peace and true joy that comes from serving Him and serving others.

I want to offer hope to those struggling with depression. All too often, depression is rooted in so many negative areas of our lives....but as we grow in Him,,,as we spread His Light, the darkness of depression...the Enemy that attacks...cannot thrive in the Light of His love...

There is hope for depression beyond what the makers of Cymbalta can offer.....
His name is Jesus. He is the Great Physican that can heal those hurting lives........
Accept Him, Listen to His voice, let him lead you into those vivid, colorful, and vibrant places.
Those places of purpose and rest.

The Blackberry Revelation, an amazing cobbler recipe, and a message to those looking for love

The other day I was picking blackberries with my oldest son, Cade.

As I was picking blackberries, I noticed ,as I have noticed during other blackberry picking seasons...that the ripest, most beautiful blackberries are always the hardest ones to get.

They are usually covered with the most prickly of thorns.

I began to mirror this to my Christian walk....

We often think that being a Christian is easy

That things of God are handed out

But sometimes we must strive to get the very best..

Sometimes we must work, if we want to produce the best and choicest fruit....

If we want the big, fat, juicy blackberry...sometimes we have to get scrapes and cuts from the thorns....the work, the sacrifices...of a Christian..the call to give...isn't always easy...but it is the most fulfilling....

Here is a blackberry recipe...the kind that mamma's good...


Preheat oven to 375

Melt l stick of butter in a 9x13 pan

Make a batter with:

1 cup flour

1 cup sugar

3/4 cup milk

2t.baking powder

Stir to your heart's content...and pour batter over melted butter


Drop the berries over the batter and bake for 30 minutes

Put in as many berries as you wish...the more the merrier...

At least 2-3 cups

Enjoy :)

These were his instructions to them: "The harvest is great, but the workers are few. So pray to the Lord who is in charge of the harvest; ask him to send more workers into his fields. Luke 10:2

If we don't go into the fields, will we produce a harvest?

I just had a thought in relation to purity...Waiting..patience. A message to those who are searching for a relationship and are getting impatient...

People are like blackberries.
Some, those with virtue, are the choice blackberries...
If we wait to find the right person in a relationship..and not pick whatever is the easiest..
the reward from the wait will be greater
the taste of the love will be sweeter

source of

Flowers on cars....

Today I was at the supermarket. I saw a beautiful arrangement of flowers.

I bought them and left them on someone's car. A random stranger. I wrote them a little note telling them that they are beautiful. Jesus loves them. They are loved.

I gave them this blog address....

Stranger, if you are reading this....just wanted to let you know that there is hope for your life.

Jesus, is where good things grow.

Lately, I've been constantly thinking of things to do. I've learned that: By spreading the light of His love, we grow. We find our roots. We become strong. We become the house built upon the rock when we act in ways of love and kindness. When we encourage. Lift up.

I got a work bonus a few months ago. I told Jesus that I would use half of it to plant seeds of love and kindness....

Today I ordered some seeds. Texas Bluebonnets. I found a company that personalizes flower seed packets. Very interesting..

So I personalized 250 seed packets.

It should look something like this:

You are a tiny seed

But if you let God water you with the light of His love

You will grow into something Beautiful

I've seen many things

I know that Jesus is real

Today, I speak a Blessing into your life

that you will know, that you are loved. Simply loved

My hope is that whoever receives these seeds...I'll probably leave them on random cars in various parking lots around town....

I hope that whoever receives these seeds will begin to seek Him....

Love stops the darkness in it's tracks...

I used to think the darkness would always win.....but that is because I was immersed in its clutches. I was spreading the darkness with my words and my foul deeds....but as I committed myself to following the Word of God, that wonderful instruction manual, things came together in a beautiful way...

So today, plant your own seeds of love.

Good things grow..when we spread the Light of His love...

Pass this on :)

image uploaded at

I ordered my specialized packets at....

Eating Disorders

I remember when I was a teenage girl, about 15 or 16...I obsessed over my weight. I think I had an eating disorder...although I didn't want to call it that. It seemed natural to me to want to be super skinny. The desire to be thin didn't really seem like a disorder.
There are so many scientific names for the simple concept of simply wanting love. Body Morphic Disorder.
Anorexia. Bulemia. What do the young girls and boys who have these disorders really want?
Probably just to feel loved and unconditionally accepted. To feel wanted.

When I was growing up, I struggled with self confidence. I looked for my "voice" but couldn't find it. I once read that girls who suffer from anorexia often look to thier eating, or lack therof, because it is the one area of thier lives they can control.

I couldn't control how others felt about me. But I could control what I ate. I could control, to some extent, what I looked like.

I guess I thought that by being attractive, I could reach some level of fulfillment. I remember people talking about how small I was..I think I reached 101 pounds on my 5' 6" frame. Not too exteme, but still I still longed to be even smaller.

I longed for attention, I guess. For fulfillment. But did I find it? No. When we aim to attract people with the shape our bodies, we will often draw a magnet....seemingly shallow people.

So many people are just so shallow. Maybe that is an unfair statement. Maybe I am casting my stones...I hope not...

Sometimes it just seems that people have a one track mind. Looks and Beauty are so overrated!
So extremely overrated. I used to think that if I could only be pretty...I could feel loved.
I imagined what life would have been like if I looked like marilyn Monore...the beautiful blonde.
But was she happy? I don't think so. I vaguely recall reading about her personal misery and depression. On some level, even she realized how futile and fleeting beauty is... People often refer to how women who struggle with weight issues long to be like the women in the magazines.
I never really wanted to be any woman in particular. I simply didn't want to be the socially awkward person that I was.

I failed to realize that I am beautiful. There are unique things in each of us. Unique characteristics. We may not be physically perfect. But now, I'm not sure I would want to be.
I think it would cause too many complications. That may sound absurd. But I would probably struggle with vanity if I were drop dead gorgeous. Maybe I would be self absorbed. I don't want to be self absorded. I like the person that Jesus is molding me into. I am a person with a heart of love. To me, that is fulfillment. Giving hope and love to those around me ..who need it much much more than I do....that is the call of my Master. He doesn't care what I look like. He accepts me unconditionally.

I heard about a boy the other day. He was burned very badly. His face has very intense scarring. I talked to his aunt. The boy is only 14 years old. The age where boys long to be accepted. The age where they struggle with identity. I pray that this boy won't define himself by the scars on his face....rather I hope he finds solace in the scars of a Man I know. I hope and pray that this boy realizes that his worth doesn't diminish because of some scars on his face. I pray that he instead, he looks inside to find his strength.....not caring...or being concerned about what others may think.
People maybe aren't as mean as we often think. I think if people spot a weakness, they will jump on it like fish going after bait...If we let people know we are insecure, they will often prey upon us...use it to thier advantage...
But if we take a stand for something....the things that we believe in..then people will respect us...and love matter what we may appear to be on the outside.

I remember when I was in high school, my pastor once told me...Rachelle, if you take a stand for Jesus, you could be the most popular girl in school. But I was insecure. People spotted it a mile away. I didn't take that stand. I wasn't very popular.

I thought it had something to do with my appearance.

My sister looks just like me. Sometimes people confuse the two of us.....She is 9 years younger than me. My sister was homecoming queen of her senior class. She looked just like me....but she took a stand. She didn't let people push her around. Or get her down. They recognized the beauty of her heart. She is quite pretty, as well. But I know why she won...becasue people could see Jesus in her...

I love you, Sarah! :).......

So today,,,walk in your uniqueness...maybe you feel like you aren't much now. Maybe, like me, you've done things that you aren't proud of.. maybe, like me, you are that small seed. But if you let God water you, you will grow. You life will be a great, big beautiful acting in love, by being lesser....we grow....we could be the biggest flower in the field.....

If you are a parent...tell your kids how much you love them..better yet, show them. Pray for them if you think they may have an eating disorder. My mother's prayers helped me.
Let them read this post. Let them know that they are loved. Simply loved.

refuse to listen to the lies...that darkness that invades our lives..when we let it...and tells us that we simply aren't good enough. because we are. we are created in His likeness. Even the very hairs of our head have a finite number. We are NOT called to be beautiful. We are called to love.
By embracing that love...not through the relection of a mirror....I am finding my roots. I am confident and self assured. My name is Rachelle, and I am finding roots. I pray that you will find are beautiful. You are loved.

Monday, May 16, 2011

My confession

Please read the above link prior to reading this post.

I once walked in very dark places. I went through a time in my life where I saw myself through the eyes of men. I put too much hope in relationships that weren't good for me. I put too much hope in places that produced no fruit and places, of the mind and heart, that brought no joy.

I turned my back on Jesus. I thought He was done with me. I saw how I had often asked him for peace and comfort. I would receive that peace and comfort, yet continue reaching for what I thought was best for my life. Without concern for what was truly best.

We often think we have it all figured out. We often think we know all the answers. But how empty and unfulfilled are we when we walk in darkness. How many times do we have to stumble before we ever truly reach out for the Light?

I stumbled many times, it seems. I always tried to find ways to justify my behaviour. But is darkness ever justified? No. A big, Loud, Resounding NO!

My confession

There was a time when much was being stolen from me. So much. Not only in a metaphorical sense, ..things were taken from me in a very literal way. Someone I knew was suffering from an addiction and would literally wipe out my bank account. I would work tirelessly only to find my efforts wasted. I didn't realize at the time that I didn't have to put up with this sort of treatment.

I didn't realize that I was worth much. I saw myself the way I thought others saw me. Worthless.

I began to act out of anger. I took things that didn't belong to me. Not from people I knew. But from a few, what I thought were "faceless corporations." It wasn't much that I took, but I still took some things.

I acted in great anger towards the person that was stealing from me. I hated him! I hated his dog. I hated him so much that I hated things and people often associated with him. I hated!

I saw other people who had taken a few things, I was suicidal back then, and I followed suit..

This phase didn't last long, Thank God! But I can see how a lost person could become so easily influenced. I followed like a sheep to the slaughter. I walked the wide path. The path that ends in death.

I don't recognize that person anymore. I didn't like her. I wanted her dead. She produced nothing of goodness. She was hurt so badly...and her hurt, the fog of her very real depression, brought forth nothing.

When I became a Christian, Jesus showed me something. He showed me that He had forgiven me of all my ugliness. But He also showed me one very important truth.

There is always time to right a wrong. Always!

So I went to the store. I got money orders for an estimated amount of goods that I had taken. I wrote a letter to these "faceless corporations" explaining my situation. I told them I was sorry and I paid it back.

I cry just thinking of how I acted this way. Jesus showed me every negative action we commit, although we may think we aren't hurting anyone.....

every negative action affects someone in some way. Every sin, every negative deed,

causes someone to lose hope, or faith, or trust.

It didn't matter if everything I had ever had was stolen. Nothing, and I mean nothing justifies planting seeds of darkness in the heart and life of someone else.

It wasn't easy, at first to pay it back. I thought of every negative consequence that came to mind.

I imagined all sorts of chaos that would emerge.

But no chaos ensued.

Only peace.

When we listen to His Voice, when we take time to do right,

we grow our roots.

I'm sorry.