Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Yesterday, I went to visit my grandmother. As I saw her I had to hold back tears because of her condition. It appeared that she had suffered a mild stroke. She kept calling my son a girl. I watched her as she stared off in space. Yesterday, I honestly thought that my grandmother had only a few days to live.
She has suffered for many months now. Her stomach is swollen. Yesterday when I saw her, I could hear her rattling. It nearly brought me to tears because she looked and seemed so helpless and pitiful.
Lately, Jesus has urged me to give up many things. He taught me that love is exemplified through our sacrifices. His death was the greatest sacrifice and the greatest act of Love.
I honestly haven't wanted to give up these things, but He has given me a vision for my life.
It is very clear and His voice is very specific when we open our ears to hear Him.
Last night, I woke up in the middle of the night. I had a dream. I knew that the dream was in relation to my grandmother. In the dream I was climbing up a cliff. There were a few other people with me but I can't remember who.
I dreamt that we climbed to a particular spot on the cliff. It was very dangerous. I knew in the dream that it would be almost impossible to continue. But then I remembered God. I knew that God makes the impossible, possible. I knew that with His help, climbing the cliff would be easy. He was going to carry us up the cliff or give us the strengh to make the journey easy.
Before, we made it to the top....something awoke me.
I laid there for about twenty minutes and I felt a very strong urge to pray for my grandmother. I was very tired, but I knew that I had to pray for her.
So I got up. As I got down on my knees, I knew that Jesus was with me. I prayed.
I couldn't really go back to sleep. I was up for hours praying for other people, as well.
Needless, to say I was a little cranky and groggy this morning.
This morning I called my grandmother's phone number. My mom answered. She told me that my grandmother had taken a 100 degree turn from the day before. She went to the doctor and was dancing in the car on her way home. She was talking of cooking a gumbo.
My friends, this is a miracle. Only yesterday, my grandmother was staring off into space, barely responisve, wheezing out her last breaths....
But God hears our prayers. He answers His faithful. He is wonderful and I want to dedicate this post to thanking Him.
Thank you, Jesus. Thank you for your miracle.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Monday, September 26, 2011
I could've turned my back on these strangers. But I chose to love. I chose to take the opportunity to give so they could see and know the love of Christ.
I'm still working on the post that explains the whys of it all, and how I got to that point,
but I have decided to give God something.
He told me that if I would sell it and use the money to spread His Light around, He would lead me into beautiful places. Places of the heart. The mind. And physically beautiful places.
So, I have reached a point where I am ready to move forward.
Last night, as I was driving home, I began to have the most wonderful visions.
I could see flowers that did not die. I could see women dancing, in the purest and most graceful form.
I could see life and the fact that I am being thrust into this wonderous reality.
I becoming aware that I am something much, much bigger than myself.
This reality, this life in Christ, is the substance of realness and Truth.
Sin is the illusion. It leads us into places that have the allure of the "magic." It beckons us with a false light. And when it has us, it crushes, it breaks, it destroys.
That is why this world is the crazy, messed up place that it is...because of the allusion of sin. But this life, this Light, can grow and can break through the corridors of darkness.
To live a life of Truth is wonderful. I feel as if, through these visions, heaven is slowly unfolding before my very eyes.
So many of these visions are born out of love.
Love is like a cacoon.
When we allow it to unfold,
it turns into something that lives and breathes.
And before we know it, we are soaring into realms of undiscovered beauty.
That is the power of His love.
All of this love is born of sacrifice...the beauty in the letting go.
Letting go of self is one of the most difficult things.
But it is love in its purest form...
because when we let go of self,
we find the heart of Jesus
I'm not going to lie, today started off a little shaky. I am still dealing with attacks from the Enemy, but I am learning to drown out his voice with the love and the promises of God.
Today, my husband discovered that he has a nasty staph infection. A friend of mine is going through a major battle. Everywhere I look someone is struggling or suffering.
Today I was at the grocery store and I could see sad faces all around me. We look like the walking dead. No one speaks to one another. No one rarely smiles.
But Jesus showed me something. It only takes one. It only takes a spark from one person to light an entire forest on fire.
We are the trees of that forest. We can have the dead leaves that darkness gives. Or we can choose to be the flowers that do not die.
Today, I could see myself doing something kindof crazy. When I sell this thing that God has told me to sell,
I could see myself hanging out in the grocery store for a day...buying people's food and telling them that Jesus loves them immensely.
I want people to see what true Christianity looks like.
It means going above and beyond what is expected. It is the true, genuine concern for others souls such that we are willing to sacrifice any and everything to see others live, and breathe...and know the wonders and the beauty of Christ.
Today, my heart broke for the people around me that are suffering needlessly.
I cried on my way to work. when i got there I felt a little drained. I felt like hiding in a cave.
or drowing out life with the sounds of a television. I felt that my heart was breaking for all the people around me...
But then Jesus whispered in my ear....
"A heart that breaks for someone, is a heart worth having."
Break my heart, Lord...and then let your Love put it back together.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Every day from now on, will be a day without fear.
I chose not to dwell on anger.
I chose, instead, to walk in love.
I was driving down the road and I saw a young, African American boy. I saw him throw a rock. It landed right in front of my car. It almost seemed as if he was trying to hit my car with the rock.
I wasn't angry. I was concerned. I stopped the car and asked him if he was ok. He looked like he was surprised that I stopped. He looked like he was surprised that I wasn't angry.
I told him that I wanted to give him something. I handed him my canyon poem.
I wanted Jesus to take him from whatever state he was in, and bring him out of his canyon into a place of peace and rest.
I went into the grocery store. I felt the Spirit of God's love upon me. I wanted to buy someone's groceries today. I didn't do it. I know that I should have and I'm glad that the idea came to me, because I can see myself doing this in the very near future.
I'm going to simply say, "Jesus asked me to buy your groceries today." And then I will tell them how much Jesus loves them and maybe give them some flowers to grow.
After I left the grocery store, I went to the gas station. I gave the man inside a copy of my canyon post.
and then, I ventured off to work.
I want everyday to be a day without fear. I want everyday to be a day that I confident and courageous in sharing the love of God. To me, there is no other way to be.
I am excited about sharing this beautiful Light I've been given. It's the only hope for this lost world. I feel fearless and I am thankful.
My heart is full.
Today I heard that song that moved my heart. Baby Bear and I ventured to the coffee shop and I heard it for the first time. It's a song by Phillips, Craig, and Dean called "Nothing to Prove."
I want to share the lyrics....
No fears. But isn't that how life is meant to be lived?
Friday, September 23, 2011
It was so vast that no picture can do it justice.
I looked a mile deep into a huge abyss. It was grand and it was beautiful.
I once likened my life to a canyon.
I wrote a poem about the emptiness that once consumed my life. I felt as if I were totally, wholly, and completely void....
Of course, my poem is lost...but I am going to try to recreate it....and then, I will add to it...
You see, my life with Jesus is the the opposite of a canyon. It is full. It is spacious. There are no more empty places. I'm also working on a post about the amazing things that Jesus worked in and through me on the trip, so stay tuned......
Meanwhile, here's a poem for your entertainment.....
of emptiness, and fulfillment.... please continue reading to the end because if you are empty, there is a special message for you.
Every morning, unitl now, I have awoken,
to find myself standing over the Grand Canyon,
where there is a vastness inside my gut that swells, reverberates,
and echos against walls of the darkest rock
Boulders like mountains hang in air that never ends
and rivers that lead to nowhere carve out
places of sadness
and lead to places, called Despair.....
So,, I attempt to fill the void...
I walk into the kitchen,
it is not made of rock,
it is linoleum
and it has things to fill.
So I open the refridgerator
and I look for something round,
something that looks like rock
that can fill this massive void....
I am temporarily satiated.
This hunger is deep,
the size of black holes.
there are universes trapped in my belly.
I dance to try to shift them around.
The moon rolls along the sides of my stomach
craters form in deep places within me.
Craters that hold nothing,
craters where no life grows
Craters of rock without color
And nestled in the hidden crevices
of canyons are snakes that devour,
they eat joy like eggs...
and threaten to swallow things that sound like laughter
So I dance and I sing
to shake up the stars within
But my dancing only stirs more emptiness
and my song only echos on the canyon walls.
Nothing is heard. The sound is hollow.
It echos nothing and no one hears.
There is a face swirled in the marble in my bathroom.
It is the face of a small boy.
I wonder if he is empty.
I wonder if he lives in the desert and has a moon inside of him.
I touch his small face with my fingers, hoping to know, but I find nothing.
He is a mirage. He cannot lead me out. He is lost, too.
He is only made of rock.
There is a pool of black that ate all that I was,
a pool whose tides
swelled with salt
and left me drowning,
groping for the sand or the shore
but there was nothing to hold onto
(or so I thought)
The sounds of Otis Redding,
two hour drives into the Crescent City,
the taste of wine and the fuzzy effects
but nothing, nothing
Shoving books down my throat, hoping to learn
tearing out pages and watching them float to the bottom
of dark places...
where the wind only blew things away from me....
and never towards
The wind, whose hollow empty reaches only
scattered things like dust inside something as big
and as empty as the burnt down sunflower fields in fall.
So I sought to fill the canyon...
only people that fell from the edge of a cliff
Hikers , disguised as lovers, searching for truth,
along life's journey
reaching the bottom,
only to find that there was nothing there
but snakes and dust.
The water supply was wasted.
Fatique set in, and the mission was lost.
It is the teeth of vipers
and the sandy, grain of dust storms
It rips into flesh and stings the eyes
It is a promise to the end of caves, and the beckoning of false light,
only to find dead fireflies
whose fuses are still burning
It is the shapeless, shiftless
mass that grows in the dark
but when Light is shined upon it,
it is exposed.
and less intimidating
You see, just as there is that threat of emptiness
there is a promise of fulfillment...
I have to stop here for now. You see, that canyon is where darkness and sin led me.
Into places of darkness and despair. There was once a time when I was on my last leg. I was the dry bones walking in the desert, but even in the midst of my sorrow, I saw a Man waiting for me at the bottom. And He held out this brilliant Light to me. And I could've walked away from it. But if I had, I would've surely died. I would've been eaten by the wolves, an empty carcass.
But like the dry bones in Ezekiel, my Father bid me to walk, he put flesh upon my dead, dry bones and breathed a new life in me.
Today, He is handing that Light to you. Will you take it?
It is a Light that will dispel the darkness and expose the rock without root
I was talking with a coworker recently. From discussions with people, I really don't think a lot of people have a true understanding of Jesus.
I often find that people look to Christians who have hurt them and that pain and suffering to hide from Christ.
But Jesus isn't the evangelist that stole your money. Nor is He the pastor who preaches the gospel, then cheats on his wife. Jesus is not the one from your church who threw stones of judgement and condemnation at you. He isn't the one who hurts children or who fought wars based on differences.
You see, I know Him. He is the One standing at the bottom of your canyon. He is the One waiting for you in all of your despair and pain. He is there in your tortured moments, holding out His Hand, bidding you to grab onto His Light.
Because in that Light, there is Life. There is Peace. There is wholeness. And in that Light, and Only in that Light, can you ever be truly Full.
Time doesn't exist in that Light. It is eternal and it breathes. When you are in that Light, you will come to understand many things and all of the corners and corridors of conufsion will cease to exist.
Your eyes will open in that Light, and you will see people around you that you haven't noticed before. And your heart will be open to Love. Because the Light that I am speaking of, the One that He is holding out, is the Light of the purest Love.And He loves you. If you could wrap your mind around that infinite, all encompassing love, then you would want for nothing else. He loves you!
He gave me a dream not too long ago. In the dream, was the Light that I speak of.
It is so real. And so misunderstood.
It is brilliant. It is beautiful. It is the source of love and all that is good.
And the best thing is that it can be yours.
It's a gift. Let Him lead you out of your canyon.
Let go of the things of darkness. They are the things that blind. Sin is the stuff of rot. But to take is Light is the difference between being free and being held down.
Take it, it's yours.
Today, if this message touched you in any way. It was meant for you. So that you would know that there is a Light waiting for you. I'm praying for you. I love you.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Today, I am going to leave this blog address along with little messages of encouragement of love...all the way from Louisiana to the Grand Canyon, Arizona.
If this message finds you,
Please know that it is for a reason. Jesus loves you that much.
This week has been a week of intense spiritual warfare for me.
I have been fought in major ways, simply because you are meant to be here...
on this site..
Jesus wants you. You are chosen. He loves you that much.
Today, I want to offer you encouragement and hope.
I offer you my prayers. I offer you my love.
Please read my blog and know that God is real. And He is amazing!
I don't know who you are. I don't know what your life looks like.
Maybe you are struggling with cancer. Maybe you are addicted to drugs. Maybe you are having marital issues. Maybe you doubt or are angry with God. Maybe you have been hurt very deeply and trust no one. Maybe, you are at the top of the world right now. Or maybe, like me, you were the one at the bottom.
But whoever you are, and whatever your situation, there is an amazing hope. I found HIm and my prayer is that you find HIm too.
God Bless you today, my friend......
I love you.
There is a plan for you even greater than you can imagine or wrap your mind around.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
I went through a phase of life where I collected perfume. Every time I got paid, I felt the need to purchase a new bottle of perfume.
I was in search of the perfect scent. I wanted a perfume that "got me," as silly as that may seem.
I bought the majority of these perfumes while I was engaged. I have always been aware of the powerful effect of scent. Scents can elicit so many wonderful memories and feelings.
So I sought out the scent that would hopefully make life more interesting. Of course, that goodness didn't really come in a bottle. But, it was a temporary way to fill a mild obsession.
I probably collected a few dozen bottles over the course of time.
..way more than I need.
The other day I was at the bookstore and I saw these cute little mugs. One said, "grace." another said, "hope." One, "Love"....and there was a "faith" mug...
I happened to have a gift card that someone gave me, so I decided that instead of buying myself these cute little mugs, I would buy some to give to the ladies at our local women's shelter.
later that night, as I discovered my barely used, long lost perfume collection, I felt that still, small voice urging me to give some away.
At first, I didn't really want to. Each scent is unique. Each fragrance offers its own little window into an aromatic experience. Each smell is something quite special...
But then I began to think about the women at the women's shelter. How lost and lonely many of them must feel. many have come out of extremly abusive situations. They suffer from a lack of self worth.
Many of these women need, not only Jesus, but someone to let them they care.
Each of these women, in essence, is unique. Each one is something quite special.
Each of us, I realized, is like a very fine fragrance. Special in our own unique and individual way.
So I decided to give away some of my perfume collection.
That night, as I was reading the Bible, I came across the parable about the man who had an excess of crop. He decided to store it away ....so that one day he could be rich, full, and merry...
But, ironically, the man died and his he didn't get to enjoy the fruits of his labor.
My perfume was kind of like this man's crop. I had too much. Jesus urged me to share.
I could hear that still, small, yet gentle voice telling me to store up my treasures in heaven.
How often do we have so much more than we need in this life? How often do we hoard and fail to share and fail to give?
I was reading a book the other day called "Enemies of the Heart." IT was a great book that uses biblical references to becoming truly happy...
There are four enemies of the heart. Anger, Greed, Jealousy, and for some reason I can't recall the fourth one right now....
The way to overcome greed is simply to give and give generously. Give and God will change your heart.
greed hides in so many ways and many of us don't even realize that we are greedy.
Today, I challenge you to give away something that you have entirely too much of...
Don't be the man in the parable...