In Sept. I want to venture into the unknown territory. I want to go to places I've never been and see things I've never seen.
I want feel the wind in my hair on Route 66.....
sooooo....
I think I just might go. I will take my oldest boy and my aunt, God willing, and Go.
I want to turn it into a mini mission trip....and leave a little trail of light from no name, Louisiana all the way to the Mojave Desert.
I've already found an orphanage and I hope to bring some bears.
I am going to leave a trail of love.....little notes on cars..telling about the love of Jesus...
offering hope..to wayfarers and strangers....
It is going to Blessed...
It is going to be fun.
It is going to be a lot of driving.
But, that's ok.
Grand Canyon, here we come!
Friday, July 29, 2011
Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Make it count.
Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Make it count.
Today I wrote that in a small pocket Bible and left it on someone's car.....
I hope the driver of that car, realizes that thier past doesn't have to define who they are...
I hope the driver of the car realizes that Jesus can renew thier lives and thier days can start counting towards something real and hopeful and positive.
Take a deep breath...the past doesn't matter. What's done is done. I am moving forward. You can too.
It seems that these past few weeks have been a mixture of bittersweetness...
Sometimes I feel as if I'm not doing enough for the Kingdom of God.
Every day counts. Every moment counts. Sometimes I feel guilty for choosing to laze around on my days off.
This week my focus has been on decorating my room. I bought some lavendar paint, an eggplant bedspread, and a pretty painting of a cafe in Paris...with a lot of purple tones...
I began to feel a little guilty and self indulgent...wondering if I was being selfish thinking of myself...I was praying one night...I looked down at my floor..and I saw a tiny cross etched in the wood. This may sound strange, but I don't remember ever seeing that cross before. I may have etched it years ago....without thinking.....
As I was praying, I asked Jesus if He was angry at me for my inaction...
As soon as I looked up from my prayer...I saw this tiny, yet perfectly formed cross...
And I knew that Jesus loves me...
Yes, it is important to go and to do, but Jesus loves us....even when we falter...He loves us even when we forget about Him...
That is His Beauty and Splendor..His ablitity to love, even those that don't seem deserving of that love.
I bought a cd recently. I follow a blog that I stumbled across one night. ....I have received so many blessing from reading this blog....It's almost as if I can hold a mirror to the writings...so many of them resemble my very own life.
The blog is written by a lady by the name of Stephanie Cherry. Her husband, Denbeigh, just completed his second cd. It's called "Warfare Anthology" and it has blessed me immensely.
I love it. Each song speaks to me in great ways.... As I have read through Stepanie Cherry's blogs, dating back to 2006, I feel as if I know this family.
I remember one night reading and I thought, "these people have the perfect life." They are so content. So at peace. They are living thier faith in amazing ways..."
As I read further back.....I learned that Stephanie had lost two brothers to addiction. Her blog reveals 6 miscarriages....
I was so sad....but I was amazed at how, through it all, they still press forward. This family has been an inspiration to me in so many ways.
My sister in law, Melonie, has also been an inspiration to me. She recently lost her mother. Her mother was murdered. Melonie still sings in church every Sunday. She sometimes posts notes on facebook. I'm going to ask her permission to post some on this blog.
She is handling the situation with grace and perserverance.
I only hope that I could have the same grace if I were ever faced with such an unimaginable tragedy.
As it stands, there are so many things that I don't understand. So many things that are beyond my comprehension. But I still love God. His love is all I have.
His love is all I cling to....
He is the hope for me and for my family.
He is the only hope for this nation...even though it seems to be going in the toilet...
He is still a Hope.
God Bless those that inspire. God Bless those that persevere.
God Bless Melonie and Stephanie Cherry and her family...
God Bless whoever is reading this....
Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Make it count.
Today I wrote that in a small pocket Bible and left it on someone's car.....
I hope the driver of that car, realizes that thier past doesn't have to define who they are...
I hope the driver of the car realizes that Jesus can renew thier lives and thier days can start counting towards something real and hopeful and positive.
Take a deep breath...the past doesn't matter. What's done is done. I am moving forward. You can too.
It seems that these past few weeks have been a mixture of bittersweetness...
Sometimes I feel as if I'm not doing enough for the Kingdom of God.
Every day counts. Every moment counts. Sometimes I feel guilty for choosing to laze around on my days off.
This week my focus has been on decorating my room. I bought some lavendar paint, an eggplant bedspread, and a pretty painting of a cafe in Paris...with a lot of purple tones...
I began to feel a little guilty and self indulgent...wondering if I was being selfish thinking of myself...I was praying one night...I looked down at my floor..and I saw a tiny cross etched in the wood. This may sound strange, but I don't remember ever seeing that cross before. I may have etched it years ago....without thinking.....
As I was praying, I asked Jesus if He was angry at me for my inaction...
As soon as I looked up from my prayer...I saw this tiny, yet perfectly formed cross...
And I knew that Jesus loves me...
Yes, it is important to go and to do, but Jesus loves us....even when we falter...He loves us even when we forget about Him...
That is His Beauty and Splendor..His ablitity to love, even those that don't seem deserving of that love.
I bought a cd recently. I follow a blog that I stumbled across one night. ....I have received so many blessing from reading this blog....It's almost as if I can hold a mirror to the writings...so many of them resemble my very own life.
The blog is written by a lady by the name of Stephanie Cherry. Her husband, Denbeigh, just completed his second cd. It's called "Warfare Anthology" and it has blessed me immensely.
I love it. Each song speaks to me in great ways.... As I have read through Stepanie Cherry's blogs, dating back to 2006, I feel as if I know this family.
I remember one night reading and I thought, "these people have the perfect life." They are so content. So at peace. They are living thier faith in amazing ways..."
As I read further back.....I learned that Stephanie had lost two brothers to addiction. Her blog reveals 6 miscarriages....
I was so sad....but I was amazed at how, through it all, they still press forward. This family has been an inspiration to me in so many ways.
My sister in law, Melonie, has also been an inspiration to me. She recently lost her mother. Her mother was murdered. Melonie still sings in church every Sunday. She sometimes posts notes on facebook. I'm going to ask her permission to post some on this blog.
She is handling the situation with grace and perserverance.
I only hope that I could have the same grace if I were ever faced with such an unimaginable tragedy.
As it stands, there are so many things that I don't understand. So many things that are beyond my comprehension. But I still love God. His love is all I have.
His love is all I cling to....
He is the hope for me and for my family.
He is the only hope for this nation...even though it seems to be going in the toilet...
He is still a Hope.
God Bless those that inspire. God Bless those that persevere.
God Bless Melonie and Stephanie Cherry and her family...
God Bless whoever is reading this....
Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Make it count.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Dreams
The other day I was reading a blog and came across the most beautiful story..
The story involved a young girl, orphaned in Mexico....
The young girl was having a conversation with an orphanage voluntereer...and they began to talk about Jesus...
The young girl had never heard about Jesus. She didn't attend church. She wasn't taught about Him...
But the young girl said that she had dreams of Him...She began to explain things to the volunteer as if she had knowledge...
I thought this was amazing..
I have often wondered and worried about people in other parts of the world. I have often wondered and questioned thier fate...How can they know about Him if they aren't taught?
The Bible says we are to preach the gospel to all nations...
But isn't it amazing that He is so wonderful that He reveals himself in unexpected ways to people in other cultures...all across the world..
In the case of the young orphan girl, He revealed himself in a dream.
Amazing!
Jesus does not belong in a box...He is bigger and He will get out.
He doesn't like to be suffocated and smothered.
Unfortunately, that is what we often do to Him...
Supress His goodness with our own desires and will.
I'm happy that I heard about this young girl's dream.....
after doing a little searching, I found the link to the story...
http://hopeymag.blogspot.com/2011/06/sarahis-dreams.html
The story involved a young girl, orphaned in Mexico....
The young girl was having a conversation with an orphanage voluntereer...and they began to talk about Jesus...
The young girl had never heard about Jesus. She didn't attend church. She wasn't taught about Him...
But the young girl said that she had dreams of Him...She began to explain things to the volunteer as if she had knowledge...
I thought this was amazing..
I have often wondered and worried about people in other parts of the world. I have often wondered and questioned thier fate...How can they know about Him if they aren't taught?
The Bible says we are to preach the gospel to all nations...
But isn't it amazing that He is so wonderful that He reveals himself in unexpected ways to people in other cultures...all across the world..
In the case of the young orphan girl, He revealed himself in a dream.
Amazing!
Jesus does not belong in a box...He is bigger and He will get out.
He doesn't like to be suffocated and smothered.
Unfortunately, that is what we often do to Him...
Supress His goodness with our own desires and will.
I'm happy that I heard about this young girl's dream.....
after doing a little searching, I found the link to the story...
http://hopeymag.blogspot.com/2011/06/sarahis-dreams.html
Caroline in Mexico, Big Brothers Big Sisters, and teddy bears for Buckners
Today, I learned of a place called Buckners in Beaumont, Texas. It is home to 40 orphaned children...
I am going to get some bears and ,hopefully, some smiles to the children there.
A few months ago we got a bonus from work. I told Jesus that I would dedicate half of my bonus to the sole purpose of spreading some light.
So I'm ordering more bears. I guess bears are becoming my trademark.
What is sweeter than a cute, fuzzy teddy bear?
I want to get some into nursing homes, as well as children's homes.
I also had the idea of passing some out at Abraham's Tent...a local food shelter, where the homeless go for a nice, warm meal.
I have tons of stuff sitting at the house waiting to be passed out. I will do it soon.
Even if I have to force myself off of the couch...I will go!
Nothing in this world is more rewarding than bringing smiles in the name of Our Creator.
........
On another note...
I am still struggling with my present situation...often finding myself confused as to what God wants me to do....
There are times when I feel anger and hurt toward the one who hurt me...and there are times when I feel love and forgiveness...
It's like a rollercoaster of emotions , and I'm not quite sure how to handle it....only to pray...
This entire scenario has been very difficult...One the one hand, I know that Jesus wants all marriages to succeed....He has brought me into places of love and forgiveness that I never thought possible..
But, on the other hand, when trust has been broken thousands of times, there is a wall that doesn't want to come down.
I know that Jesus doesn't want us to be walked on or stepped on...even by our husbands..
so....I find I am much better off when I simply choose not to think about things. We are called to live in peace..when I think about the hurts, I find myself lashing out in anger and desiring revenge.
I find that I'm ok when I think of all the great possibilities that God has for my life.
I get excited about the wondrous plans that He holds for each of us...
I often find myself inspired by people that commit thier lives to serving Him....
I'm not talking about run of the mill "christians"...but, inspired by people who dedicate so much of their lives to truly serving.
last week, I stumbled across a blog written by a lady who has given her life to serve in an orphanage in Mexico.
She gave up everything. Her car, her cash, her home, her friends,....she gave up what we would call "the american dream".....she gave up the idea of romance even.....
to simply go forward for Christ, sharing His love with children that have been abandoned and forgotten....
To me, that is love....
Love is simply giving up the things we want, for something greater than ourselves...
I'm going to post a link to this lady's blog..
Her name is Caroline..and I pray that God blesses her greatly...
http://carolineinmexico.blogspot.com/
Speaking of orphans....
My son isn't an orphan, but he grew up without knowing the love of a father.
My dad has always been there for him, but I know that there is a hole in Cade's heart for a dad.
My husband claims to care about him, but isn't really active in any of our lives.
So the other day, I contacted Big Brother/Big Sisters in hopes of finding Cade a Big Brother.
I want him to have another male figure to look up to...someone to take him fishing, someone to play chess with him....someone to simply care.
I went to the Big Brothers/Big Sisters website and I was impressed with what they have to offer.....
They simply offer hope to children and teens that come from single parent homes...or homes where parents work all of the time...
They even have a very cool program called the Lunch Buddy program. ..IN the lunch Buddy program, you get to eat lunch with a child usually eats alone.
I remember at my school, there were always kids that had no one. Kids that ate alone. Kids that were bullied and incessantly picked on....
IN the lunch buddy program, a volunteer gets to go to the school and hang out with a kid who's lonely or going through a rough time...
I'm going to post a link to Big Brother/Big Sister in hopes that maybe someone out there will volunteer .....
Maybe I will....
http://www.bbbs.org/site/c.9iILI3NGKhK6F/b.5962335/k.BE16/Home.htm
I am going to get some bears and ,hopefully, some smiles to the children there.
A few months ago we got a bonus from work. I told Jesus that I would dedicate half of my bonus to the sole purpose of spreading some light.
So I'm ordering more bears. I guess bears are becoming my trademark.
What is sweeter than a cute, fuzzy teddy bear?
I want to get some into nursing homes, as well as children's homes.
I also had the idea of passing some out at Abraham's Tent...a local food shelter, where the homeless go for a nice, warm meal.
I have tons of stuff sitting at the house waiting to be passed out. I will do it soon.
Even if I have to force myself off of the couch...I will go!
Nothing in this world is more rewarding than bringing smiles in the name of Our Creator.
........
On another note...
I am still struggling with my present situation...often finding myself confused as to what God wants me to do....
There are times when I feel anger and hurt toward the one who hurt me...and there are times when I feel love and forgiveness...
It's like a rollercoaster of emotions , and I'm not quite sure how to handle it....only to pray...
This entire scenario has been very difficult...One the one hand, I know that Jesus wants all marriages to succeed....He has brought me into places of love and forgiveness that I never thought possible..
But, on the other hand, when trust has been broken thousands of times, there is a wall that doesn't want to come down.
I know that Jesus doesn't want us to be walked on or stepped on...even by our husbands..
so....I find I am much better off when I simply choose not to think about things. We are called to live in peace..when I think about the hurts, I find myself lashing out in anger and desiring revenge.
I find that I'm ok when I think of all the great possibilities that God has for my life.
I get excited about the wondrous plans that He holds for each of us...
I often find myself inspired by people that commit thier lives to serving Him....
I'm not talking about run of the mill "christians"...but, inspired by people who dedicate so much of their lives to truly serving.
last week, I stumbled across a blog written by a lady who has given her life to serve in an orphanage in Mexico.
She gave up everything. Her car, her cash, her home, her friends,....she gave up what we would call "the american dream".....she gave up the idea of romance even.....
to simply go forward for Christ, sharing His love with children that have been abandoned and forgotten....
To me, that is love....
Love is simply giving up the things we want, for something greater than ourselves...
I'm going to post a link to this lady's blog..
Her name is Caroline..and I pray that God blesses her greatly...
http://carolineinmexico.blogspot.com/
Speaking of orphans....
My son isn't an orphan, but he grew up without knowing the love of a father.
My dad has always been there for him, but I know that there is a hole in Cade's heart for a dad.
My husband claims to care about him, but isn't really active in any of our lives.
So the other day, I contacted Big Brother/Big Sisters in hopes of finding Cade a Big Brother.
I want him to have another male figure to look up to...someone to take him fishing, someone to play chess with him....someone to simply care.
I went to the Big Brothers/Big Sisters website and I was impressed with what they have to offer.....
They simply offer hope to children and teens that come from single parent homes...or homes where parents work all of the time...
They even have a very cool program called the Lunch Buddy program. ..IN the lunch Buddy program, you get to eat lunch with a child usually eats alone.
I remember at my school, there were always kids that had no one. Kids that ate alone. Kids that were bullied and incessantly picked on....
IN the lunch buddy program, a volunteer gets to go to the school and hang out with a kid who's lonely or going through a rough time...
I'm going to post a link to Big Brother/Big Sister in hopes that maybe someone out there will volunteer .....
Maybe I will....
http://www.bbbs.org/site/c.9iILI3NGKhK6F/b.5962335/k.BE16/Home.htm
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Breakthrough
I haven't felt much like writing lately....I know that if the Enemy had his way, I would lie down..stagnant...and do nothing...No writing..no bears..no baby booties......nothing....
So tonight, even though I don't Feel like writing, I write....
I know that I have harped upon my maritial situation on this blog several times....
I have had reason to be angry and hurt.
The other day I went to the bookstore and i began to read a book in the Christian section entitled, Akiane, Her life, her Art, her poetry....
Akiane was a very very young girl born to athiest parents. At the age of 4 she began to have dreams of Jesus... She began to draw and paint many of the things she saw and claimed they were inspired by God.
The artwork of this young girl is breathtaking. I can't even begin to describe it. She has been hailed as a child prodigy, but gives credit for everything to Jesus...
In her book, she describes heaven, the music of heaven....
Has anyone ever read the book Heaven is for Real by Colton Burpo? In the book Colton goes to heaven at the age of 7 while on the operating table for a very life threatening illness.
He tells his parents about his experience. His family asks him, "What does Jesus look like?"
The book goes on the describe how Colton would look at pictures of Jesus but found that none truly represented Him.....until he saw a picture painted by the young Akiane. He said that that picture looked like the One he saw in heaven...
I also read some of Akiane's poetry.....She said that at the age of 7, she could close her eyes and see words appear before her in her mind....Her poetry would astound any adult and it is true that this girl has seen so many things!
I'm always skeptical about other's experiences but I truly believe that Jesus has shown this girl some things. Some very amazing and revealing things...
So after I did a little reading, I began to think of how small my situation is compared to God's Huge Plan for my life.....This tiny tiny situation is nothing compared to the things God has in store.....
I began to pray...and suddenly it was as if all anger just fell away...It just melted...and I realized the greatness of the Love that Jesus has not only for me, but for my husband....
I began to realize that I don't have to put up with the hardships and abuses, but I still can have the ability to Love...That Power is so overwhelming....
One of the most beautiful things about Jesus, to me, is His ability to love....His love cannot fail...
Human love fails..Human love disappoints. Leaves us jaded...can leave us bitter....
But the love of Jesus...is literally the Greatest Power I have ever seen....It is something that can be experienced and felt...It is a Living, Breathing Love...
No darkness can live in that Love....
So I felt as if I was set free that day....I was set free from the anger and hatred that I was struggling with over things that had happened over the course of the past few weeks...
I like to feel the Love of Jesus...I like to feel compassion. I choose not to be angry. Anger is too heavy a rock to carry...
Let it go...breathe and let it go...
As for Akiane, I visited her website one day....I was amazed at her artwork...but as I began to read her blog, I became confused...It seemed as if the older Akiane was losing her way somehow...Her focus, it seemed, wasn't on Jesus...and it seemed like she was embracing too many truths rather than the One Truth...
I went back to her site a few weeks later and noticed, however, that she took her blog down.
You should visit her site simply to see her art and be reminded of the Greatness of God..
www.akiane.com
So tonight, even though I don't Feel like writing, I write....
I know that I have harped upon my maritial situation on this blog several times....
I have had reason to be angry and hurt.
The other day I went to the bookstore and i began to read a book in the Christian section entitled, Akiane, Her life, her Art, her poetry....
Akiane was a very very young girl born to athiest parents. At the age of 4 she began to have dreams of Jesus... She began to draw and paint many of the things she saw and claimed they were inspired by God.
The artwork of this young girl is breathtaking. I can't even begin to describe it. She has been hailed as a child prodigy, but gives credit for everything to Jesus...
In her book, she describes heaven, the music of heaven....
Has anyone ever read the book Heaven is for Real by Colton Burpo? In the book Colton goes to heaven at the age of 7 while on the operating table for a very life threatening illness.
He tells his parents about his experience. His family asks him, "What does Jesus look like?"
The book goes on the describe how Colton would look at pictures of Jesus but found that none truly represented Him.....until he saw a picture painted by the young Akiane. He said that that picture looked like the One he saw in heaven...
I also read some of Akiane's poetry.....She said that at the age of 7, she could close her eyes and see words appear before her in her mind....Her poetry would astound any adult and it is true that this girl has seen so many things!
I'm always skeptical about other's experiences but I truly believe that Jesus has shown this girl some things. Some very amazing and revealing things...
So after I did a little reading, I began to think of how small my situation is compared to God's Huge Plan for my life.....This tiny tiny situation is nothing compared to the things God has in store.....
I began to pray...and suddenly it was as if all anger just fell away...It just melted...and I realized the greatness of the Love that Jesus has not only for me, but for my husband....
I began to realize that I don't have to put up with the hardships and abuses, but I still can have the ability to Love...That Power is so overwhelming....
One of the most beautiful things about Jesus, to me, is His ability to love....His love cannot fail...
Human love fails..Human love disappoints. Leaves us jaded...can leave us bitter....
But the love of Jesus...is literally the Greatest Power I have ever seen....It is something that can be experienced and felt...It is a Living, Breathing Love...
No darkness can live in that Love....
So I felt as if I was set free that day....I was set free from the anger and hatred that I was struggling with over things that had happened over the course of the past few weeks...
I like to feel the Love of Jesus...I like to feel compassion. I choose not to be angry. Anger is too heavy a rock to carry...
Let it go...breathe and let it go...
As for Akiane, I visited her website one day....I was amazed at her artwork...but as I began to read her blog, I became confused...It seemed as if the older Akiane was losing her way somehow...Her focus, it seemed, wasn't on Jesus...and it seemed like she was embracing too many truths rather than the One Truth...
I went back to her site a few weeks later and noticed, however, that she took her blog down.
You should visit her site simply to see her art and be reminded of the Greatness of God..
www.akiane.com
Saturday, July 9, 2011
soul surfer
Tonight, I watched a very inspiring movie... I typically don't watch movies about sports and competition...I have no interest in surfing whatsoever..
But the movie Soul Surfer was about the three things that I cherish: faith, hope, and love....
It's based on a true story about a girl named Bethany Hamilton. She was an amazing competive surfer. One day she was out on the waves and a shark bit her arm off...
But despite the trials she learned to truly live amidst tragedy...She grew stronger and better. She didn't wallow in her pain or develop a "woe is me" attitude...she struggled, but yet she prevailed.
Her weakness, in a sense, became her strength..and she inspired thousands of people...
I also loved the movie because Jesus was in it....Jesus was actually represented beautifully in a Hollywood film...I was amazed..That isn't something you see every day.
So I highly recommend this movie :)
But the movie Soul Surfer was about the three things that I cherish: faith, hope, and love....
It's based on a true story about a girl named Bethany Hamilton. She was an amazing competive surfer. One day she was out on the waves and a shark bit her arm off...
But despite the trials she learned to truly live amidst tragedy...She grew stronger and better. She didn't wallow in her pain or develop a "woe is me" attitude...she struggled, but yet she prevailed.
Her weakness, in a sense, became her strength..and she inspired thousands of people...
I also loved the movie because Jesus was in it....Jesus was actually represented beautifully in a Hollywood film...I was amazed..That isn't something you see every day.
So I highly recommend this movie :)
Friday, July 8, 2011
I choose to move!
Tonight, semi lost in my situation....I began to read other blogs...It's amazing to peer into the life of strangers...to see how many people out there have pure and good hearts...
It's wonderful to be inspired by the kindness of others. It's also humbling to come across a blog and see the immense hurt of others. But so many people handle hurt with such dignity.
My sister in law, Melonie, for instance...her mom was recently murdered...the killer is still on the loose. I know Mel is having an immensely hard time. I can't imagine the injustice and the hurt she must feel.....But even in the storm, Melonie still praises Jesus...She still goes on, despite wanting to quit... To me, that is true strength....moving when you feel like sitting down..
Strength is looking disaster in the face, spitting at it, and saying, "I'm still alive, and God is still Good." That is strength...
Tonight, I was reading a blog and I came across some links...I clicked on the links and I was brought to sites where starving children abounded...to places where kids needed help....
and I thought, "wow, I am not being strong right now.."
To be strong, is to move...to go on...despite the hurt...This storm will push this boat forward, and I will move!
So....Instead of sulking in the misery of my situation, guess what?
Jesus is going to help me to move!
Perhaps I will order some more baby booties tonight...babys need warm feet and new moms need encouragement more than I need to wallow in the mud.
Satan, get thee behind me....
Tonight, you lose...
I move! I choose to move!
It's wonderful to be inspired by the kindness of others. It's also humbling to come across a blog and see the immense hurt of others. But so many people handle hurt with such dignity.
My sister in law, Melonie, for instance...her mom was recently murdered...the killer is still on the loose. I know Mel is having an immensely hard time. I can't imagine the injustice and the hurt she must feel.....But even in the storm, Melonie still praises Jesus...She still goes on, despite wanting to quit... To me, that is true strength....moving when you feel like sitting down..
Strength is looking disaster in the face, spitting at it, and saying, "I'm still alive, and God is still Good." That is strength...
Tonight, I was reading a blog and I came across some links...I clicked on the links and I was brought to sites where starving children abounded...to places where kids needed help....
and I thought, "wow, I am not being strong right now.."
To be strong, is to move...to go on...despite the hurt...This storm will push this boat forward, and I will move!
So....Instead of sulking in the misery of my situation, guess what?
Jesus is going to help me to move!
Perhaps I will order some more baby booties tonight...babys need warm feet and new moms need encouragement more than I need to wallow in the mud.
Satan, get thee behind me....
Tonight, you lose...
I move! I choose to move!
more thoughts on divorce
now that divorce is staring me in the face, I realize that I feel kindof lost.
It feels like someone has died.
I think of the words, Faith, Hope, and Love...and I see why God Hates divorce so much.....because these three things do not live in the realm of divorce. I feel like lies have killed the hope I have for my marriage......Love? Yes, I still love...but in the midst of all the lies, it is hard to express that love when you have built an immeasurable wall. Faith....I had faith that he would change...but we all have choices....and he made the wrongs ones..over and over and over again...So yes, I have faith...but I have learned not to put my faith in man. Only in God. IN Him and Him alone do I trust.
Divorce is like a "giving in" almost....it's like admitting defeat... feel helpless right now.
I feel like I wish things would be different, but there are gross and ugly things staring me in the face....the stark realization that the past cannot be changed ...and the realization that someone chooses to put his needs ahead of those of his family.
I can see how divorces destroy....Well, the lies are what really destroyed things. The lies, the other women on the phone..that's what killed things...Divorce is just my way of saying, "I can't take it anymore."
I wish that I had been treated better....I would say that I wish I had done things differently, but I was faithful. I was loving even when my husband was not. I was bitter and angry for a while, but then again, who wouldn't be given the circumstances?
I'm sad...just sad...but I'll make it...
It feels like someone has died.
I think of the words, Faith, Hope, and Love...and I see why God Hates divorce so much.....because these three things do not live in the realm of divorce. I feel like lies have killed the hope I have for my marriage......Love? Yes, I still love...but in the midst of all the lies, it is hard to express that love when you have built an immeasurable wall. Faith....I had faith that he would change...but we all have choices....and he made the wrongs ones..over and over and over again...So yes, I have faith...but I have learned not to put my faith in man. Only in God. IN Him and Him alone do I trust.
Divorce is like a "giving in" almost....it's like admitting defeat... feel helpless right now.
I feel like I wish things would be different, but there are gross and ugly things staring me in the face....the stark realization that the past cannot be changed ...and the realization that someone chooses to put his needs ahead of those of his family.
I can see how divorces destroy....Well, the lies are what really destroyed things. The lies, the other women on the phone..that's what killed things...Divorce is just my way of saying, "I can't take it anymore."
I wish that I had been treated better....I would say that I wish I had done things differently, but I was faithful. I was loving even when my husband was not. I was bitter and angry for a while, but then again, who wouldn't be given the circumstances?
I'm sad...just sad...but I'll make it...
Dream about Jesus
This past week has been a hailstorm.......It's amazing the damage that can be done to someone in only a few hours...with only a few short words......
Or how a hurtful act or lies can literally change the course things....
I, now, at the age of 35 have Finally come to realize the true damage caused by sin. I can regretfully say that I have allowed people into my life that have done nothing more than lie to me, hurt me, and repeatedly cause me extreme amounts of grief and sorrow.
Although I've decided to sever the cord with this person, I still feel the aftermath of the storm.
There is so much anger and bitterness that I am struggling with right now. I feel as if I have put my trust in a certain person many times and each time that I do, the hammer comes crashing down....
The person I'm speaking of keeps walking down paths of darkness and I turned my back on darkness long ago. I always thought that God would "change" him, but I am learning that God gave us reason to make our own choices. My husband has continually made the wrong ones. I, in turn, have been the one to suffer....
I feel like I'm complaining, but I'm not....The situation is what it is.....all I can do is sever myself from this....and pray.....
The other night, in the midst of all this cacophony I had a dream....
I dreamt I was standing on a platform...in front of me was a rose....It was withering...It was dried out...It looked like popourri..not like a living, breathing rose.... I think I was dead in the dream...
I remember looking at the lifeless rose, thinking "I am that rose."
I picked it up in my hands, and it fell like a dead leaf....
Then....I looked up and I saw Jesus walking into the room. there were people walking behind him...His face looked strange from a distance, but I could see that it glowed. It was very bright...
As He walked closer to me....I could feel an immeasurable peace. The closer He got, the more the peace radiated .......until I forgot that I was dead...and I was just so immersed in comfort...
He walked up to me and hugged me....In the dream, He was very tall...I think I came up to his chest....and He was very strong. His face no longer looked strange.....I remember Him lifting me up on some sort of chair...like a carriage...and He sat behind me...He spoke to me and I remember I was very comforted...
I don't remember much more from the dream....only that when I woke up...I realized that Jesus still loves me....I realized that no matter what I am going through..no matter how confused and hurt I am by this situation, He is still there....
I am so greatful for that dream....I have felt so much better ever since...still with bouts of anger and hurt...but this dream is helping me....He is walking me through this storm...
Or how a hurtful act or lies can literally change the course things....
I, now, at the age of 35 have Finally come to realize the true damage caused by sin. I can regretfully say that I have allowed people into my life that have done nothing more than lie to me, hurt me, and repeatedly cause me extreme amounts of grief and sorrow.
Although I've decided to sever the cord with this person, I still feel the aftermath of the storm.
There is so much anger and bitterness that I am struggling with right now. I feel as if I have put my trust in a certain person many times and each time that I do, the hammer comes crashing down....
The person I'm speaking of keeps walking down paths of darkness and I turned my back on darkness long ago. I always thought that God would "change" him, but I am learning that God gave us reason to make our own choices. My husband has continually made the wrong ones. I, in turn, have been the one to suffer....
I feel like I'm complaining, but I'm not....The situation is what it is.....all I can do is sever myself from this....and pray.....
The other night, in the midst of all this cacophony I had a dream....
I dreamt I was standing on a platform...in front of me was a rose....It was withering...It was dried out...It looked like popourri..not like a living, breathing rose.... I think I was dead in the dream...
I remember looking at the lifeless rose, thinking "I am that rose."
I picked it up in my hands, and it fell like a dead leaf....
Then....I looked up and I saw Jesus walking into the room. there were people walking behind him...His face looked strange from a distance, but I could see that it glowed. It was very bright...
As He walked closer to me....I could feel an immeasurable peace. The closer He got, the more the peace radiated .......until I forgot that I was dead...and I was just so immersed in comfort...
He walked up to me and hugged me....In the dream, He was very tall...I think I came up to his chest....and He was very strong. His face no longer looked strange.....I remember Him lifting me up on some sort of chair...like a carriage...and He sat behind me...He spoke to me and I remember I was very comforted...
I don't remember much more from the dream....only that when I woke up...I realized that Jesus still loves me....I realized that no matter what I am going through..no matter how confused and hurt I am by this situation, He is still there....
I am so greatful for that dream....I have felt so much better ever since...still with bouts of anger and hurt...but this dream is helping me....He is walking me through this storm...
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Grace and A Divorce Prayer
Sunday at church a message was given about Grace....
About how even the most distressing circumstances can be overcome through Grace....
How even sinful situations can be healed through Grace
I heard this message and I knew it was for me...
Two days later, I was dealt a very serious and severe blow by my husband....taking to another woman, yet again... I have reason to believe it is serious....
What is going to help me with this situation?
Grace
What is going to ease the knots in my stomach and help me to overcome with dignity?
Grace
What is going to help me to forgive, but yet pick up the pieces of my life and MOVE ON!
Grace
I'm not going to lie. This hurts. But guess what?
Grace.
The Grace of God can help us through anything. The same Amazing Grace that freed us from the bondage of sin, can pick us up in times of despair...
Jesus, please blow your precious wind in my direction..
Please look on me with favor...
Please have mercy on those who have wronged me but help me to
move on
with Grace
Dear Lord, please let me not define my worth according to how others have treated me...
I have been beaten down
But Lord, through it all...
You extend your Grace...
Let me see and Know that Your Love is all I need
Not the selfish, impure love of a man
But let me bask in the perfect, unfailing, all encompassing
beauty of your Light...
For in that Light, there is no sorrow
there is no rejection
In that Light, there is only peace
Let me rest in You, Lord.....
Please look favorably upon my children
Please let me raise them, teaching them to be honorable
and kind
Please let me be a living example of your love
and let that Love infiltrate thier hearts...
Be thier Father, O' Lord
Dear Lord, I know that divorce is never your will
But Lord, I know that people in this life are wicked
and selfish.
I know that goodness and righteousness are not in the hearts of many.
I know that evil prevails in so many lives.
But Lord, I have turned my back to darkness
Dear Lord, let me never make the same mistake again.
Never let me pursue love in man,
let man pursue me in love,
but only those whose heart is pure
and right and good
Only those whose heart beats in time with Yours,
will ever be worthy of my attention
Dear Lord,
Forgive me for the sins of my past.
Dear Lord, Give me your Grace...
About how even the most distressing circumstances can be overcome through Grace....
How even sinful situations can be healed through Grace
I heard this message and I knew it was for me...
Two days later, I was dealt a very serious and severe blow by my husband....taking to another woman, yet again... I have reason to believe it is serious....
What is going to help me with this situation?
Grace
What is going to ease the knots in my stomach and help me to overcome with dignity?
Grace
What is going to help me to forgive, but yet pick up the pieces of my life and MOVE ON!
Grace
I'm not going to lie. This hurts. But guess what?
Grace.
The Grace of God can help us through anything. The same Amazing Grace that freed us from the bondage of sin, can pick us up in times of despair...
Jesus, please blow your precious wind in my direction..
Please look on me with favor...
Please have mercy on those who have wronged me but help me to
move on
with Grace
Dear Lord, please let me not define my worth according to how others have treated me...
I have been beaten down
But Lord, through it all...
You extend your Grace...
Let me see and Know that Your Love is all I need
Not the selfish, impure love of a man
But let me bask in the perfect, unfailing, all encompassing
beauty of your Light...
For in that Light, there is no sorrow
there is no rejection
In that Light, there is only peace
Let me rest in You, Lord.....
Please look favorably upon my children
Please let me raise them, teaching them to be honorable
and kind
Please let me be a living example of your love
and let that Love infiltrate thier hearts...
Be thier Father, O' Lord
Dear Lord, I know that divorce is never your will
But Lord, I know that people in this life are wicked
and selfish.
I know that goodness and righteousness are not in the hearts of many.
I know that evil prevails in so many lives.
But Lord, I have turned my back to darkness
Dear Lord, let me never make the same mistake again.
Never let me pursue love in man,
let man pursue me in love,
but only those whose heart is pure
and right and good
Only those whose heart beats in time with Yours,
will ever be worthy of my attention
Dear Lord,
Forgive me for the sins of my past.
Dear Lord, Give me your Grace...
Sunday, July 3, 2011
The spider
Tonight I saw a spider...
It had huge legs...
I watched how it moved...
It used it's legs like feelers...
I became a little curious about spiders. I guess to most people they seem gross. Not to me.
To me, roaches are disgusting...but not spiders...
I really don't know why
Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't want to pet one or have one crawl on me....
But I like to watch them from a distance..
I think thier intricate webs are fascinating...How they are so ordered and patterned...
It's amazing how we can see God in the small, finite details of things...
Even the web of a spider reveals something..
A beauty and an order..
a pattern that is tailored to fit our life..
Tonight, I was once again in the throes of despair in regards to how I have been treated by my husband...
But I began to sing a song of praise..and I saw the spider
I had a strange thought about the spider...The spider has a mom...I didn't see that spider by accident..
That spider was there to remind me that there is a strange beauty in the unexpected...
Even the smallest things, even though they may seem disgusting, ..
even the smallest things hold life...
It had huge legs...
I watched how it moved...
It used it's legs like feelers...
I became a little curious about spiders. I guess to most people they seem gross. Not to me.
To me, roaches are disgusting...but not spiders...
I really don't know why
Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't want to pet one or have one crawl on me....
But I like to watch them from a distance..
I think thier intricate webs are fascinating...How they are so ordered and patterned...
It's amazing how we can see God in the small, finite details of things...
Even the web of a spider reveals something..
A beauty and an order..
a pattern that is tailored to fit our life..
Tonight, I was once again in the throes of despair in regards to how I have been treated by my husband...
But I began to sing a song of praise..and I saw the spider
I had a strange thought about the spider...The spider has a mom...I didn't see that spider by accident..
That spider was there to remind me that there is a strange beauty in the unexpected...
Even the smallest things, even though they may seem disgusting, ..
even the smallest things hold life...
Saturday, July 2, 2011
To do List for the week
Every week I try to make TO DO lists for Jesus....It reminds me that the world isn't about me....
This is my TO DO list for this week
1. write songs ....yay :)
2. Order teddy bears for nursing home residents....
3. Bring bears to Mrs. Christine...she is going on a mission trip to Nicaragua to an orphanage
4. Mail letter of encouragment to someone
5. Deliver more bears to Harbor House
6. Deliver more baby booties to Pregnancy Resource Center
7. Read about Rachel...(in the Bible)...just curious who I am named after
This is my TO DO list for this week
1. write songs ....yay :)
2. Order teddy bears for nursing home residents....
3. Bring bears to Mrs. Christine...she is going on a mission trip to Nicaragua to an orphanage
4. Mail letter of encouragment to someone
5. Deliver more bears to Harbor House
6. Deliver more baby booties to Pregnancy Resource Center
7. Read about Rachel...(in the Bible)...just curious who I am named after
Blue Rose
The following is a story that my mom forwarded me in an email....I usually delete "forwarded" mail....but I thought that this was really touching....
A Blue Rose
Having four visiting family members, my wife was very busy, so I offered to go to the store for her to get some needed items, which included light bulbs, paper towels, trash bags, detergent and Clorox. So off I went.I scurried around the store, gathered up my goodies and headed for the checkout counter, only to be blocked in the narrow aisle by a young man who appeared to be about sixteen-years-old. I wasn't in a hurry, so I patiently waited for the boy to realize that I was there. This was when he waved his hands excitedly in the air and declared in a loud voice, "Mommy, I'm over here."It was obvious now, he was mentally challenged and also startled as he turned and saw me standing so close to him, waiting to squeeze by. His eyes widened and surprise exploded on his face as I said, "Hey Buddy, what's your name?""My name is Denny and I'm shopping with my mother," he responded proudly."Wow," I said, "that's a cool name; I wish my name was Denny, but my name is Steve.""Steve, like Stevarino?" he asked. "Yes," I answered. "How old are you Denny?""How old am I now, Mommy?" he asked his mother as she slowly came over from the next aisle."You're fifteen-years-old Denny; now be a good boy and let the man pass by."I acknowledged her and continued to talk to Denny for several more minutes about summer, bicycles and school. I watched his brown eyes dance with excitement, because he was the center of someone's attention. He then abruptly turned and headed toward the toy section.Denny's mom had a puzzled look on her face and thanked me for taking the time to talk with her son. She told me that most people wouldn't even look at him, much less talk to him.I told her that it was my pleasure and then I said something I have no idea where it came from, other than by the prompting of the Holy Spirit. I told her that there are plenty of red, yellow, and pink roses in God's Garden; however, "Blue Roses" are very rare and should be appreciated for their beauty and distinctiveness. You see, Denny is a Blue Rose and if someone doesn't stop and smell that rose with their heart and touch that rose with their kindness, then they've missed a blessing from God.She was silent for a second, then with a tear in her eye she asked, "Who are you?"Without thinking I said, "Oh, I'm probably just a dandelion, but I sure love living in God's garden."She reached out, squeezed my hand and said, "God bless you!" and then I had tears in my eyes.May I suggest, the next time you see a BLUE ROSE, don't turn your head and walk off. Take the time to smile and say Hello. Why? Because, by the grace of GOD, this mother or father could be you. This could be your child, grandchild, niece or nephew. What a difference a moment can mean to that person or their family.>From an old dandelion! Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God."People will forget what you said, People will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel!" ANON.If this story blesses you today Please consider sharing it with others.
A Blue Rose
Having four visiting family members, my wife was very busy, so I offered to go to the store for her to get some needed items, which included light bulbs, paper towels, trash bags, detergent and Clorox. So off I went.I scurried around the store, gathered up my goodies and headed for the checkout counter, only to be blocked in the narrow aisle by a young man who appeared to be about sixteen-years-old. I wasn't in a hurry, so I patiently waited for the boy to realize that I was there. This was when he waved his hands excitedly in the air and declared in a loud voice, "Mommy, I'm over here."It was obvious now, he was mentally challenged and also startled as he turned and saw me standing so close to him, waiting to squeeze by. His eyes widened and surprise exploded on his face as I said, "Hey Buddy, what's your name?""My name is Denny and I'm shopping with my mother," he responded proudly."Wow," I said, "that's a cool name; I wish my name was Denny, but my name is Steve.""Steve, like Stevarino?" he asked. "Yes," I answered. "How old are you Denny?""How old am I now, Mommy?" he asked his mother as she slowly came over from the next aisle."You're fifteen-years-old Denny; now be a good boy and let the man pass by."I acknowledged her and continued to talk to Denny for several more minutes about summer, bicycles and school. I watched his brown eyes dance with excitement, because he was the center of someone's attention. He then abruptly turned and headed toward the toy section.Denny's mom had a puzzled look on her face and thanked me for taking the time to talk with her son. She told me that most people wouldn't even look at him, much less talk to him.I told her that it was my pleasure and then I said something I have no idea where it came from, other than by the prompting of the Holy Spirit. I told her that there are plenty of red, yellow, and pink roses in God's Garden; however, "Blue Roses" are very rare and should be appreciated for their beauty and distinctiveness. You see, Denny is a Blue Rose and if someone doesn't stop and smell that rose with their heart and touch that rose with their kindness, then they've missed a blessing from God.She was silent for a second, then with a tear in her eye she asked, "Who are you?"Without thinking I said, "Oh, I'm probably just a dandelion, but I sure love living in God's garden."She reached out, squeezed my hand and said, "God bless you!" and then I had tears in my eyes.May I suggest, the next time you see a BLUE ROSE, don't turn your head and walk off. Take the time to smile and say Hello. Why? Because, by the grace of GOD, this mother or father could be you. This could be your child, grandchild, niece or nephew. What a difference a moment can mean to that person or their family.>From an old dandelion! Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God."People will forget what you said, People will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel!" ANON.If this story blesses you today Please consider sharing it with others.
shatterproof
I came up with an idea tonight...
Every night, I am going to do at least one thing to share His Light...
Every night is His Night Light....
Tonight, I am going to write a letter to a lady that I ran into last week....
When I saw her, I felt an overwhelming need to hug her....and tell her how much Jesus loves her.
She wore a smile, but I could sense an overwhelming despair...
So tonight, with His help, I will write to her...
On another note....
the day didn't start off too well....
I'm still hurt by the course of the last few days....
I'm so tired of being hurt by the same person. It's heart wrenching that people can't see how thier sin affects others.
Lies cut to the core. they hurt beyond belief...I don't know what I would do if I didn't have a hope in Jesus....
In the past, before I found Him...there were days when I didn't want to go on with this life...
I saw myself as a complete failure in every realm..every aspect of life...
I saw the futility of my ways ...I saw wasted effort...I saw so much hurt...I thought that I was nothing but a burden to everyone around me...
But today, thanks to Jesus, I can see things so differently...
Life isn't shatterproof, however..
there are still days when I feel fragile...when it seems as if it wouldn't take much to completely and totally break me. I am not shatterproof....
But it seems that everytime some trial or hurt comes along, His Grace pieces me together in a new way....
I talked to my husband today....there is more drama going on behind the scenes than I care to admit....It is painful.... A long time ago, before I was saved, I thought that I hated my husband for all the things that he did...
But I don't...I guess deep down, we all want someone to care for us..and when that doesn't happen, when the love isn't pure, then we feel let down,
I told my husband that I would like to be friends...I can't promise him anything else right now..
Too much lost trust....but I still care about what happens to him. I'm sad for the path that he has chosen and all I can do is pray for him.
I am amazed tonight at the immensity and vastness of life. How despite all that is going on in my life, God is still God. He is still the Creator..
Every night, I am going to do at least one thing to share His Light...
Every night is His Night Light....
Tonight, I am going to write a letter to a lady that I ran into last week....
When I saw her, I felt an overwhelming need to hug her....and tell her how much Jesus loves her.
She wore a smile, but I could sense an overwhelming despair...
So tonight, with His help, I will write to her...
On another note....
the day didn't start off too well....
I'm still hurt by the course of the last few days....
I'm so tired of being hurt by the same person. It's heart wrenching that people can't see how thier sin affects others.
Lies cut to the core. they hurt beyond belief...I don't know what I would do if I didn't have a hope in Jesus....
In the past, before I found Him...there were days when I didn't want to go on with this life...
I saw myself as a complete failure in every realm..every aspect of life...
I saw the futility of my ways ...I saw wasted effort...I saw so much hurt...I thought that I was nothing but a burden to everyone around me...
But today, thanks to Jesus, I can see things so differently...
Life isn't shatterproof, however..
there are still days when I feel fragile...when it seems as if it wouldn't take much to completely and totally break me. I am not shatterproof....
But it seems that everytime some trial or hurt comes along, His Grace pieces me together in a new way....
I talked to my husband today....there is more drama going on behind the scenes than I care to admit....It is painful.... A long time ago, before I was saved, I thought that I hated my husband for all the things that he did...
But I don't...I guess deep down, we all want someone to care for us..and when that doesn't happen, when the love isn't pure, then we feel let down,
I told my husband that I would like to be friends...I can't promise him anything else right now..
Too much lost trust....but I still care about what happens to him. I'm sad for the path that he has chosen and all I can do is pray for him.
I am amazed tonight at the immensity and vastness of life. How despite all that is going on in my life, God is still God. He is still the Creator..
Friday, July 1, 2011
This past week
this past week....i don't really know what to say about this past week....
I basically need your prayers.....
I found myself glued to the Casey Anthony trial......I don't know why....It's a very interesting case but I found myself slipping into depression....
How any mother could even think about harming her child is completely beyond comprehension. .....The fact that I was actually glued to the television set is another reason I think I was depressed.....
But My God is still there for me....I have a Lot of Light to share...and I know that I can't share it..while I'm vegetating in front of a screen......I think when I get my house....I won't have a television at all.....most news is bad news....
On a postive note, I worked on music this week! :) I'm so excited about finally getting back into music....Jesus spoke to me in church the previous Sunday...He told me thru someone that my writing and singing were going to be anointed! I"m so very happy about that. I knew it all along, but it is always wonderful to have someone confirm something ....
Ok...here's where things get tough...I've been separated for a year....so much drama! I have been through the mud in this marriage! Yesterday, I said a prayer, "Jesus, please show me something." Please......
Well, today He showed me something. I found out that my husband has indeed been talking to another woman.....I don't know if it is "innocent" but in my opinion, married people should have "secret" friends....even if they are separated....It is shady and wrong!
I have dealt with the "secret" friend issue for far too long! I have endured mistrust, lies, you name It...
NO MORE!
I am worth more! I can't spend my life wondering what someone is doing and who he is doing it with....
It's too much...
Thank you Jesus for showing me......
Am I sad? A little....I am hurt........But I am ready to move on and file for divorce....
I don't know what else to do....Adultery is Adultery...lost trust is lost trust...
Our society is so corrupt that this is what it comes down to....
Do I advocate divorce?
NO! I have been financially abused, lied to, cheated on...you name it! And I still believe in working things out! But I asked Jesus to show Me, and He showed me....My husband is talking to another woman....
Oh well,
His Loss...
I have Jesus and He is all I need...
I have two boys. I am young. If I ever do this again...I will find me a Christian man that truly loves Jesus....I will not sleep with anyone again until I am married....
I will find someone who honors God, and then honors me and my children...
Please say some prayers for me....
On another note, I did have a chance to help out with a mission trip....
A friend of mine is going to Nicaragua in March of next year.
She makes pillow case dresses for orphans..
She told me about her experiences at the orpanage..
She said that some children are found at a local dump site...
How sad...I am amazed and hurt by people's cruelty...
I want to cry!
I am sending her some bears to take with her when she goes....
She is sending me a list of items to donate so if anyone is interested in helping out with these children, please email me or message me....
I turned on the news last night....maybe I should just stop watching it altogether...
A four year old boy in Texas ..was choked...and thrown out of his dad's car on the side of the interstate... The little boy was found walking along I-20....thankfully, someone saw him in the dead of night and picked him up..
He was found with 500 shards of cacti stuck in his little body...
His dad, who was later caught by police, said "God made him do it.."
Not the God I know!
UGH!
Why!
What can I do?
Sad, just sad...
Dear Lord,
Cover the innocent with your shield of mercy...
Let them Know your great Love,
Shine your Light upon thier tiny hearts
Let them know that you are there in their midst
Let them know, Lord, that you are thier comforter
in this wicked and corrupt world...
Dear Lord, thank you...
Amen
I basically need your prayers.....
I found myself glued to the Casey Anthony trial......I don't know why....It's a very interesting case but I found myself slipping into depression....
How any mother could even think about harming her child is completely beyond comprehension. .....The fact that I was actually glued to the television set is another reason I think I was depressed.....
But My God is still there for me....I have a Lot of Light to share...and I know that I can't share it..while I'm vegetating in front of a screen......I think when I get my house....I won't have a television at all.....most news is bad news....
On a postive note, I worked on music this week! :) I'm so excited about finally getting back into music....Jesus spoke to me in church the previous Sunday...He told me thru someone that my writing and singing were going to be anointed! I"m so very happy about that. I knew it all along, but it is always wonderful to have someone confirm something ....
Ok...here's where things get tough...I've been separated for a year....so much drama! I have been through the mud in this marriage! Yesterday, I said a prayer, "Jesus, please show me something." Please......
Well, today He showed me something. I found out that my husband has indeed been talking to another woman.....I don't know if it is "innocent" but in my opinion, married people should have "secret" friends....even if they are separated....It is shady and wrong!
I have dealt with the "secret" friend issue for far too long! I have endured mistrust, lies, you name It...
NO MORE!
I am worth more! I can't spend my life wondering what someone is doing and who he is doing it with....
It's too much...
Thank you Jesus for showing me......
Am I sad? A little....I am hurt........But I am ready to move on and file for divorce....
I don't know what else to do....Adultery is Adultery...lost trust is lost trust...
Our society is so corrupt that this is what it comes down to....
Do I advocate divorce?
NO! I have been financially abused, lied to, cheated on...you name it! And I still believe in working things out! But I asked Jesus to show Me, and He showed me....My husband is talking to another woman....
Oh well,
His Loss...
I have Jesus and He is all I need...
I have two boys. I am young. If I ever do this again...I will find me a Christian man that truly loves Jesus....I will not sleep with anyone again until I am married....
I will find someone who honors God, and then honors me and my children...
Please say some prayers for me....
On another note, I did have a chance to help out with a mission trip....
A friend of mine is going to Nicaragua in March of next year.
She makes pillow case dresses for orphans..
She told me about her experiences at the orpanage..
She said that some children are found at a local dump site...
How sad...I am amazed and hurt by people's cruelty...
I want to cry!
I am sending her some bears to take with her when she goes....
She is sending me a list of items to donate so if anyone is interested in helping out with these children, please email me or message me....
I turned on the news last night....maybe I should just stop watching it altogether...
A four year old boy in Texas ..was choked...and thrown out of his dad's car on the side of the interstate... The little boy was found walking along I-20....thankfully, someone saw him in the dead of night and picked him up..
He was found with 500 shards of cacti stuck in his little body...
His dad, who was later caught by police, said "God made him do it.."
Not the God I know!
UGH!
Why!
What can I do?
Sad, just sad...
Dear Lord,
Cover the innocent with your shield of mercy...
Let them Know your great Love,
Shine your Light upon thier tiny hearts
Let them know that you are there in their midst
Let them know, Lord, that you are thier comforter
in this wicked and corrupt world...
Dear Lord, thank you...
Amen
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