The Grand Canyon

In Sept. I want to venture into the unknown territory. I want to go to places I've never been and see things I've never seen.

I want feel the wind in my hair on Route 66.....

sooooo....

I think I just might go. I will take my oldest boy and my aunt, God willing, and Go.

I want to turn it into a mini mission trip....and leave a little trail of light from no name, Louisiana all the way to the Mojave Desert.

I've already found an orphanage and I hope to bring some bears.

I am going to leave a trail of love.....little notes on cars..telling about the love of Jesus...
offering hope..to wayfarers and strangers....

It is going to Blessed...
It is going to be fun.

It is going to be a lot of driving.

But, that's ok.

Grand Canyon, here we come!

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Make it count.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Make it count.

Today I wrote that in a small pocket Bible and left it on someone's car.....
I hope the driver of that car, realizes that thier past doesn't have to define who they are...

I hope the driver of the car realizes that Jesus can renew thier lives and thier days can start counting towards something real and hopeful and positive.

Take a deep breath...the past doesn't matter. What's done is done. I am moving forward. You can too.

It seems that these past few weeks have been a mixture of bittersweetness...

Sometimes I feel as if I'm not doing enough for the Kingdom of God.
Every day counts. Every moment counts. Sometimes I feel guilty for choosing to laze around on my days off.

This week my focus has been on decorating my room. I bought some lavendar paint, an eggplant bedspread, and a pretty painting of a cafe in Paris...with a lot of purple tones...

I began to feel a little guilty and self indulgent...wondering if I was being selfish thinking of myself...I was praying one night...I looked down at my floor..and I saw a tiny cross etched in the wood. This may sound strange, but I don't remember ever seeing that cross before. I may have etched it years ago....without thinking.....

As I was praying, I asked Jesus if He was angry at me for my inaction...

As soon as I looked up from my prayer...I saw this tiny, yet perfectly formed cross...
And I knew that Jesus loves me...
Yes, it is important to go and to do, but Jesus loves us....even when we falter...He loves us even when we forget about Him...
That is His Beauty and Splendor..His ablitity to love, even those that don't seem deserving of that love.

I bought a cd recently. I follow a blog that I stumbled across one night. ....I have received so many blessing from reading this blog....It's almost as if I can hold a mirror to the writings...so many of them resemble my very own life.
The blog is written by a lady by the name of Stephanie Cherry. Her husband, Denbeigh, just completed his second cd. It's called "Warfare Anthology" and it has blessed me immensely.

I love it. Each song speaks to me in great ways.... As I have read through Stepanie Cherry's blogs, dating back to 2006, I feel as if I know this family.

I remember one night reading and I thought, "these people have the perfect life." They are so content. So at peace. They are living thier faith in amazing ways..."

As I read further back.....I learned that Stephanie had lost two brothers to addiction. Her blog reveals 6 miscarriages....

I was so sad....but I was amazed at how, through it all, they still press forward. This family has been an inspiration to me in so many ways.

My sister in law, Melonie, has also been an inspiration to me. She recently lost her mother. Her mother was murdered. Melonie still sings in church every Sunday. She sometimes posts notes on facebook. I'm going to ask her permission to post some on this blog.
She is handling the situation with grace and perserverance.

I only hope that I could have the same grace if I were ever faced with such an unimaginable tragedy.

As it stands, there are so many things that I don't understand. So many things that are beyond my comprehension. But I still love God. His love is all I have.
His love is all I cling to....

He is the hope for me and for my family.
He is the only hope for this nation...even though it seems to be going in the toilet...
He is still a Hope.

God Bless those that inspire. God Bless those that persevere.
God Bless Melonie and Stephanie Cherry and her family...

God Bless whoever is reading this....

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Make it count.

Dreams

The other day I was reading a blog and came across the most beautiful story..

The story involved a young girl, orphaned in Mexico....
The young girl was having a conversation with an orphanage voluntereer...and they began to talk about Jesus...

The young girl had never heard about Jesus. She didn't attend church. She wasn't taught about Him...

But the young girl said that she had dreams of Him...She began to explain things to the volunteer as if she had knowledge...

I thought this was amazing..

I have often wondered and worried about people in other parts of the world. I have often wondered and questioned thier fate...How can they know about Him if they aren't taught?

The Bible says we are to preach the gospel to all nations...
But isn't it amazing that He is so wonderful that He reveals himself in unexpected ways to people in other cultures...all across the world..

In the case of the young orphan girl, He revealed himself in a dream.
Amazing!
Jesus does not belong in a box...He is bigger and He will get out.
He doesn't like to be suffocated and smothered.

Unfortunately, that is what we often do to Him...
Supress His goodness with our own desires and will.

I'm happy that I heard about this young girl's dream.....
after doing a little searching, I found the link to the story...

http://hopeymag.blogspot.com/2011/06/sarahis-dreams.html

Caroline in Mexico, Big Brothers Big Sisters, and teddy bears for Buckners

Today, I learned of a place called Buckners in Beaumont, Texas. It is home to 40 orphaned children...

I am going to get some bears and ,hopefully, some smiles to the children there.

A few months ago we got a bonus from work. I told Jesus that I would dedicate half of my bonus to the sole purpose of spreading some light.

So I'm ordering more bears. I guess bears are becoming my trademark.
What is sweeter than a cute, fuzzy teddy bear?

I want to get some into nursing homes, as well as children's homes.
I also had the idea of passing some out at Abraham's Tent...a local food shelter, where the homeless go for a nice, warm meal.

I have tons of stuff sitting at the house waiting to be passed out. I will do it soon.
Even if I have to force myself off of the couch...I will go!

Nothing in this world is more rewarding than bringing smiles in the name of Our Creator.

........

On another note...

I am still struggling with my present situation...often finding myself confused as to what God wants me to do....

There are times when I feel anger and hurt toward the one who hurt me...and there are times when I feel love and forgiveness...

It's like a rollercoaster of emotions , and I'm not quite sure how to handle it....only to pray...

This entire scenario has been very difficult...One the one hand, I know that Jesus wants all marriages to succeed....He has brought me into places of love and forgiveness that I never thought possible..

But, on the other hand, when trust has been broken thousands of times, there is a wall that doesn't want to come down.

I know that Jesus doesn't want us to be walked on or stepped on...even by our husbands..

so....I find I am much better off when I simply choose not to think about things. We are called to live in peace..when I think about the hurts, I find myself lashing out in anger and desiring revenge.

I find that I'm ok when I think of all the great possibilities that God has for my life.

I get excited about the wondrous plans that He holds for each of us...
I often find myself inspired by people that commit thier lives to serving Him....

I'm not talking about run of the mill "christians"...but, inspired by people who dedicate so much of their lives to truly serving.

last week, I stumbled across a blog written by a lady who has given her life to serve in an orphanage in Mexico.

She gave up everything. Her car, her cash, her home, her friends,....she gave up what we would call "the american dream".....she gave up the idea of romance even.....
to simply go forward for Christ, sharing His love with children that have been abandoned and forgotten....

To me, that is love....
Love is simply giving up the things we want, for something greater than ourselves...
I'm going to post a link to this lady's blog..
Her name is Caroline..and I pray that God blesses her greatly...

http://carolineinmexico.blogspot.com/

Speaking of orphans....

My son isn't an orphan, but he grew up without knowing the love of a father.
My dad has always been there for him, but I know that there is a hole in Cade's heart for a dad.
My husband claims to care about him, but isn't really active in any of our lives.
So the other day, I contacted Big Brother/Big Sisters in hopes of finding Cade a Big Brother.
I want him to have another male figure to look up to...someone to take him fishing, someone to play chess with him....someone to simply care.

I went to the Big Brothers/Big Sisters website and I was impressed with what they have to offer.....
They simply offer hope to children and teens that come from single parent homes...or homes where parents work all of the time...

They even have a very cool program called the Lunch Buddy program. ..IN the lunch Buddy program, you get to eat lunch with a child usually eats alone.

I remember at my school, there were always kids that had no one. Kids that ate alone. Kids that were bullied and incessantly picked on....
IN the lunch buddy program, a volunteer gets to go to the school and hang out with a kid who's lonely or going through a rough time...

I'm going to post a link to Big Brother/Big Sister in hopes that maybe someone out there will volunteer .....
Maybe I will....

http://www.bbbs.org/site/c.9iILI3NGKhK6F/b.5962335/k.BE16/Home.htm

Breakthrough

I haven't felt much like writing lately....I know that if the Enemy had his way, I would lie down..stagnant...and do nothing...No writing..no bears..no baby booties......nothing....

So tonight, even though I don't Feel like writing, I write....

I know that I have harped upon my maritial situation on this blog several times....
I have had reason to be angry and hurt.

The other day I went to the bookstore and i began to read a book in the Christian section entitled, Akiane, Her life, her Art, her poetry....

Akiane was a very very young girl born to athiest parents. At the age of 4 she began to have dreams of Jesus... She began to draw and paint many of the things she saw and claimed they were inspired by God.

The artwork of this young girl is breathtaking. I can't even begin to describe it. She has been hailed as a child prodigy, but gives credit for everything to Jesus...

In her book, she describes heaven, the music of heaven....

Has anyone ever read the book Heaven is for Real by Colton Burpo? In the book Colton goes to heaven at the age of 7 while on the operating table for a very life threatening illness.
He tells his parents about his experience. His family asks him, "What does Jesus look like?"

The book goes on the describe how Colton would look at pictures of Jesus but found that none truly represented Him.....until he saw a picture painted by the young Akiane. He said that that picture looked like the One he saw in heaven...

I also read some of Akiane's poetry.....She said that at the age of 7, she could close her eyes and see words appear before her in her mind....Her poetry would astound any adult and it is true that this girl has seen so many things!

I'm always skeptical about other's experiences but I truly believe that Jesus has shown this girl some things. Some very amazing and revealing things...

So after I did a little reading, I began to think of how small my situation is compared to God's Huge Plan for my life.....This tiny tiny situation is nothing compared to the things God has in store.....

I began to pray...and suddenly it was as if all anger just fell away...It just melted...and I realized the greatness of the Love that Jesus has not only for me, but for my husband....

I began to realize that I don't have to put up with the hardships and abuses, but I still can have the ability to Love...That Power is so overwhelming....

One of the most beautiful things about Jesus, to me, is His ability to love....His love cannot fail...
Human love fails..Human love disappoints. Leaves us jaded...can leave us bitter....

But the love of Jesus...is literally the Greatest Power I have ever seen....It is something that can be experienced and felt...It is a Living, Breathing Love...

No darkness can live in that Love....

So I felt as if I was set free that day....I was set free from the anger and hatred that I was struggling with over things that had happened over the course of the past few weeks...

I like to feel the Love of Jesus...I like to feel compassion. I choose not to be angry. Anger is too heavy a rock to carry...

Let it go...breathe and let it go...

As for Akiane, I visited her website one day....I was amazed at her artwork...but as I began to read her blog, I became confused...It seemed as if the older Akiane was losing her way somehow...Her focus, it seemed, wasn't on Jesus...and it seemed like she was embracing too many truths rather than the One Truth...

I went back to her site a few weeks later and noticed, however, that she took her blog down.
You should visit her site simply to see her art and be reminded of the Greatness of God..

www.akiane.com

soul surfer

Tonight, I watched a very inspiring movie... I typically don't watch movies about sports and competition...I have no interest in surfing whatsoever..

But the movie Soul Surfer was about the three things that I cherish: faith, hope, and love....
It's based on a true story about a girl named Bethany Hamilton. She was an amazing competive surfer. One day she was out on the waves and a shark bit her arm off...
But despite the trials she learned to truly live amidst tragedy...She grew stronger and better. She didn't wallow in her pain or develop a "woe is me" attitude...she struggled, but yet she prevailed.
Her weakness, in a sense, became her strength..and she inspired thousands of people...

I also loved the movie because Jesus was in it....Jesus was actually represented beautifully in a Hollywood film...I was amazed..That isn't something you see every day.

So I highly recommend this movie :)

I choose to move!

Tonight, semi lost in my situation....I began to read other blogs...It's amazing to peer into the life of strangers...to see how many people out there have pure and good hearts...

It's wonderful to be inspired by the kindness of others. It's also humbling to come across a blog and see the immense hurt of others. But so many people handle hurt with such dignity.

My sister in law, Melonie, for instance...her mom was recently murdered...the killer is still on the loose. I know Mel is having an immensely hard time. I can't imagine the injustice and the hurt she must feel.....But even in the storm, Melonie still praises Jesus...She still goes on, despite wanting to quit... To me, that is true strength....moving when you feel like sitting down..

Strength is looking disaster in the face, spitting at it, and saying, "I'm still alive, and God is still Good." That is strength...

Tonight, I was reading a blog and I came across some links...I clicked on the links and I was brought to sites where starving children abounded...to places where kids needed help....
and I thought, "wow, I am not being strong right now.."

To be strong, is to move...to go on...despite the hurt...This storm will push this boat forward, and I will move!

So....Instead of sulking in the misery of my situation, guess what?
Jesus is going to help me to move!

Perhaps I will order some more baby booties tonight...babys need warm feet and new moms need encouragement more than I need to wallow in the mud.

Satan, get thee behind me....
Tonight, you lose...
I move! I choose to move!