for my husband, Dave

today, I want to tell the story of me and Dave.  Dave and I have been married a little over 5 years now. There have been some very hard times. There have been days when I have wanted to quit. There have been days when I knew that quitting would have been justified. But, it seems that every single time that I wanted to quit, Christ would propel me to show love and grace. Through all of the hurts of the past, Jesus used my marriage to show me how to forgive, how to push on, and how to forget the past.

Christ showed me His very face and His nature through my entire marital experience. On the days when I wanted to quit, Christ allowed me to feel mercy. On the days when I was tempted toward anger and bitterness, Christ bid me to forget the wrongs of the past. He showed me that love forgets the wrongs of yesterday and only looks toward the future. Love is in the now.

Today is different than last year. I have a husband who now respects me. His actions, as well as his words prove that he loves me. Last week, he bought me a pair of pajama jeans and some cool water perfume. He makes me laugh, and he truly longs to be around me.

In the past, there were secrets. I stood my ground and now there are none. Women, men... you aren't meant to be trampled. You were created to be respected and loved, but the greatest thing you can do for your family is to love on, anyways.  when you love someone, without condition, you show them what real love looks like, and then you both learn something in the loving.

Jesus tells us that kind words are like honey to a wound, they bring about healing. Forgiveness is the way of the Cross.
NOT every marriage is going to work out, but if you seek the face of Christ, then  the chances of one working out are much greater than if you didn't.

He always leads us into love, and love changes things.

Dave, I know that you may never read this, but I am happy that I stuck around. I can see how you have changed in many ways. I give God the credit for helping me to love you because we both know that there were times when it was hard. i was hard to love too sometimes.

 I couldn't have asked for a better father for my boys. We aren't perfect,but maybe we are perfect for each other. I love you, even though I don't say it enough. I pray for you every night. I know that sometimes I wear a shell, and I can seem hard and thoughtless..but you are my family, and I am thankful that you are in my life. I am thankful for the times you make me laugh, and for all of the thoughtful things that you do. I'm glad we can forget the forget the past (because I've made mistakes too) and love in the present.

love forgets. love presses on in the midst of adversity. love never gives up. love is not proud. love is humble.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

The Message (MSG)

^3-7 If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love.

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

Tabula rasa, the blank slate

I still remember the whispers. I was only a child, but I remember hearing of all of the nasty things that he had done. There was a new man at church. Rumor said that he gotten kicked out of another church for doing something terrrible. I won't mention what was whispered. It's no one's business.

I don't know why but I was thinking of him tonight. I was wondering how he is doing. I  haven't seen him in years. He stuck around our church for several years, but then disappeared.
I think he was developmentally delayed. He seemed like a child in many ways even though I remember him in his forties.

Sometimes we would snicker when he would sing. He didn't carry a tune well, but every Sunday he would sing. I don't know if he caught on to our meanness. I can only pray that he didn't, but perhaps, that is why he left. overall, our church seemed kind to this man.. maybe, it was only me who was cruel. I was only a teenager, but unkindness is never an excuse..

I regret playing a part in unkindess towards this man. I regret not showing him grace. I think a few of us were afraid of him, in some way. We were afraid of the rumors. If they were true, then he had some some pretty horrible things...
But, what we failed to realize, is that when people are sick, the first place that they should go, is to the doctor. Christ is called the Great Physician because he genuinely heals our infirmities, and yet, we often turn people away because we deem their illness to great.

The funny thing is that it's not our place to decide to diagnose another human being. It is our place to love them and accept them, regardless of what they have done.  ..why do we listen to the whisperings of another human being anyway? Why can't we rest in knowing what Christ has to say about someone? Why isn't that enough for us? We are quick and eagar to snatch God's grace for ourselves, but when we have it, we are sometimes unlikely to extend it to anyone else...why?

Grace forgets a person's past. Grace loves regardless. Love keeps no record of wrong.
The thing is that we are all human and none of us is perfect. We have all gotten something wrong at one point in time, but the beauty of God is that He is the God of second chances. But how and why is it that we are quick to accept God's hand every time we fail and fall, but we are quick to push other's back down in their place when they are reaching out for something?

Love keeps no record of wrong.

I once had a friend who was imprisoned. He did some things that hurt a lot of people. His family turned his back on him, and now he has no one.I know that I can't judge his family because he hurt them very badly..But.. I have always secretly hoped and prayed that a true Christian would step up to the plate to show him what grace looks like.

In Grace, there is a forgetting. There is word that I still remember from a history class that I took over 15 years ago, "tabula rasa."
It means "blank slate."
I think perhaps I held onto those words because I knew that one day they would mean something.
My slate has been wiped clean, and it is up to us, to realize that no matter what another human being is guilty of, Christ can also wipe clean their slates.
One thing we are good at is reminding people of their pasts. We do in our whispers and it comes out in our behavior. It comes out in haughty looks and uncomfortable gazes.
It is manifested in our attitude.
But it is not Christ. Christ keeps no record of wrong. He loves on. He expects us to do the same.
If we aren't, we are hyprocrites. Pure and simple.
Tabula Rasa.  Jesus is the Lord of blank slates.. He is the God of new beginnings..

Come now, let's settle this," says the LORD. "Though your sins are like scarlet, I will make them as white as snow. Though they are red like crimson, I will make them as white as wool -Isiaah 1:18

as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. Psalms 103..

For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland. Isaiah

40 Days Without Facebook, Day One

Today, is the first day of my quest to find life outside of facebook.
The other day I read an article about facebook addiction. The truth is that we spending hours a day on social media.  I know that social media has it's benefits, but so much our mindless scrolling is fruitless.
We are given a false sense of security and the belief that we have friends, when, in actually, we are being less than that for which we were created.

Today marks day one without facebook. When I initially decided to distance myself from the social medium, I have to admit, I felt lost. I even cried. For a brief moment, I felt a disconnect from the rest of the world.
I felt as if my family were somehow on the other end of a keyboard, and, by not logging on to a computer, then they would be gone. I imagined that they would forget about me, and I have to admit, I realized just how much I would miss them.

I thought of my cousin Holly and how much I would miss her kind comments on my posts. I thought of how I would miss everyone's thoughts.

I will not, however, miss any political rants or rails against Christianity. I won't miss the tacky memes or the hate speech that comes with elections or gun laws or anything else.

A sea of faces keep running through my mind. Friends I have known and people that I love. They are my family, regardless of how little we may interact or how little we actually see one another.

I realized that these people aren't gone from my life, and I was meant to reach out to others in a deeper and more tangible way. I imagined myself writing letters to Holly and Niki. I realized that Jennifer, Kane, and Evelyn are merely a phone call away. Seth and Ashely live hours away,but, now that my time and my mind aren't tied to a screen, I am free to drive to their house for a visit.

Suddenly, I felt free. I realized that, like with any addiction, there is a freedom in the release.

The other day, I read a story about a mother who said that she learned of her son's death through facebook. I started wondering why anyone would dare notify a mother of such devasting news in such an impersonal manner. It seemed callous and cold.
But as soon as I asked the question, I realized the answer.
Facebook provides us with a quick and easy way of getting a message across.
Quick and easy.
In our society, we have been dumbed down by quick and easy.
Take fast food, for instance. Our quick and easy solution to eating are rendering us with unprecedented health issues. We are sicker and heavier than we have ever been, and it is, in part, because we accept "quick and easy" as a way of life.
We have become too busy to enjoy anything, including one another.
meals aren't celebrated. People aren't celebrated.
Even marriages are quick and easy. When we become disillusioned, we opt out. We hit the delete button, and expel others out of our lives.
It's a mentality that we have accepted. We have become so self oriented, that we do what pleases us, regardless of who we may hurt.

One more thing that I realized. Social media can seem empty, but so much depends upon our expectations. If we are expecting to have our social needs met through something like facebook, then we will be left wanting. A virtual hug will never compare with the warmth of real arms, and a virtual up of coffee will never compare to laughing and crying over a real cup of Java.

The truth is that I don't have many friends. I realized that I had become secure with facebook. It gives the illusion that we are there for people when, in fact, we aren't...and, likewise, it gives us the illusion that others are there for us..
but words on a screen will never hold a candle to a hand on a shoulder or a walk through the park.

I once read that babies who lacked touch didn't develop as well as babies who were cared for and loved. There was a study done years ago, and it was scientifically proven that babies who weren't touched, were stunted in their growth.
As adults, we are full grown, but the concept remains the same. We were made to love one another. Facebook is a slap in the face to real friendship. We all need love. We all need to occasionally feel a hand on our shoulder. And, not to sound cheesy, we all need an occasional hug.
And that is why I am giving up facebook. To prove to the world that life will be fuller without it. To show that we were meant for more, and that relationships were designed to be greater than anything we could experience on facebook.
 

Why I'm leaving facebook

I'm considering leaving facebook for a while. I know that I have said this once before, and I don't want to be known as the girl who cried wolf...so, I am hoping that I can truly stick to my plan this time around.

I think I am disillusioned with the entire facebook experience. There is something empty and contrived about social media.

A few days ago a girl "unfriended" me. She had sent me a "friend" request a few months ago. She never once messaged me or even interacted with me. Not even once.

A few days ago, I watched a horrific video about the treatment of animals used for their fur. I wanted to spread awareness and hopefully cause at least one person to think twice in their purchases. So, I shared said video.

Within a matter of seconds, this girl, in all of her "self righteousness" is quick to tell me that she doesn't tolerate "this kind of material on her newsfeed" and then proceeds to "delete" me from her life. 
I have to admit, even though I barely know this girl, it still hurt. This girl had no interest in my personal life. She had no interest in the lovely pictures of my family. She had no desire for any sort of interaction, whatsoever. But the second I offended her, I suppose by being concerned about the treatment of animals, she was quick to just erase me out of her life, as though I don't matter.

I thought of the term "friend collector, " and how facebook can be simply a place where we just group people into one lump sum, without really thinking or caring how they feel. I guess there is something about having a lot of "friends" that makes us feel secure.

The truth is that we are all expendable. All it takes is the click of a button, and in clicking, we tell someone that they aren't worth our time.
I have made the mistake of unfriending a few people. I regretted it, after. I did it out of anger, and realized that it is too easy to hurt someone by clicking "unfriend." I was sorry afterward, but by then, it was too late, the damage was done.

I have come to realize that facebook is only a contrived way of connecting with people. We think that by "liking" a status, that we are relating to someone. We think that because someone is on our list of virtual faces, that we don't ever have to pick up a phone and say hello. We have them stored on our computer, and, for some of us, that is good enough.

Lately, I have tried to reach out to a few people. . I have tried inviting them to do things and interact in real time.. Nothing has ever materialized. Well, as I was scrolling through facebook yesterday, I saw the person I had invited to hang out on numerous occasions, publicly invited another person to spend time with them.
That's great and all, but I can't help but feel slighted and slightly hurt.. It's things like this that make me feel as if I am not good enough.
If you can't be my friend in real life, then please, remove me from your list.
I not someone to be collected. I am a human being, a real person, and I have feelings.
If I'm not good enough to laugh with over coffee, then have the dignity to press the delete button.

The entire purpose of being social is to get to know one another. To talk about things and interact in real time. To laugh with one another. To cry with one another. To bear one another's burdens. We have dumbed down the entire experience of life with social media. It's not real living.
Social media gives us the ability to be the stars in our own shows, and the number of "likes" we receive are the ratings.
The fewer the "likes" we receive..the less human and popular we feel.

Today is not a day of self pity. It is a day when I take accountability for the time that I spend trying to relate to people and constantly failing. Today, is a day when I realize that the way to truly interact with someone is to call them on the phone, hear the sound of real voice, and drink a real cup of coffee at their table..
(as opposed to a virtual cup of café world special.)

I have met some amazing people on facebook. I really do love my facebook friends and family, and that is why I should take a break from social media. I haven't given you my best. Liking your status isn't really a way of saying, "I love you."
a brief comment isn't even sufficient.
I hope that by getting off for a few weeks or months, I can free my time and mind, in such a way, that I am prompted, out of love, to drive to your house to come visit, or to pick up the phone, to hear the sound of your laughter, or the sound of your tears depending on where you are in life at the moment.

I am tired of learning that a uncle died or that an aunt is ill through social media. We have lost the ability to communicate.
The truth is that most of our "friends" won't even recognize us at a Wal-Mart, and if they do, they won't take a minute out of their busy day to walk over and say hello.. after all, they have "hundreds of other "friends" with whom they feel secure.

Facebook dumbs us down. It is a slap in the face to real friendship. It gives false security by making us believe that people are there for us, when, in reality, they are not.
And it gives us the false idea that by liking or commenting, that we are being there for someone, when, in fact, we aren't.


anyhow, I love you guys. I will still post from my blog on occasion, but that is all. (for now)

We Exploit One Another

lately, i have been thinking a lot about my role as a consumer. I have been taking a lot at some of the things that I consume and asking questions like, "did someone or something have to suffer so that I can be more comfortable?

The other day I was thinking about the fashion and beauty industry. I read that we spend billions of dollars every year trying to make ourselves look better. We spend gigantic sums of money rearranging and slicing off our body parts so that we can feel beautiful and accepted. We pay large sums of money to have ourselves filled with chemicals and augmented so that we reach, what we think, is a certain level of "perfection." If only we could grasp thehow much Christ loves us, then we wouldn't feel the constant need to change ourselves.

Yesterday, I watched a video that haunted me. I didn't realize what I was watching until it started playing. The video revealed the horrific reality of animal abuse in China.

I watched animals being literally skinned alive, writhing in pain. Once skinned, I saw them tossed into a pile of bloody bodies, some still struggling to survive.

I saw how cats and dogs are carried in crates. The crates are thrown off of huge trucks, and the bones of the animals break as a result of the impact. They are left to suffer so that we can purchase furs and trinkets.

I remember years ago watching the movie Blood Diamond. The movie drew attention to the diamond industry. Diamonds are rare and beautiful, and because of greed, they have started wars and resulted in bloodshed and mass casualties. People saw wealth in them and justified killing and murder as a means of "bettering" themselves.

so, what point am I trying to make? Truthfully, I'm not criticizing people who undergo plastic surgery.
But why do we feel the need to change ourselves?

 I once had a problem with an eating disorder but now I see so much of of our obession with our appearance  , as a combination of vanity and, in a lot of cases, the cry of those who simply desperately want to be loved and will spend any amount of money necessary to achieve that end.  If only we could grasp that beauty will fade, but love is eternal.  If only we could love and accept one another instead of creating impossbile and ridulous standards, then we would understand that, in the eyes of Christ, we are measured, not by our ability to achieve or become something greater, but, something less.
 "Consider others as better than yourselves" Christ whispers..



Sadly, it's all messed up.

The world is all messed up. If we took care of one another like we should, then, perhaps we wouldn't see such waste.

In all of the above topics, we can see so much waste. Finanical waste. (think of the millions that could be clothed and fed on the money we spend on our vanity)

We can see how life is wasted and animals are humiliated and tormented for no other purpose than so we can "look good."

We forget that cotton can do the same job as fur, but our need to keep up with Joneses has become more important than the life of a living creature.

Yesterday, as I was thinking of all these things, I came to a conclusion.

 It is in our human nature, to exploit one another.  We do it everyday. Sometimes, it is on a very small scale. For instance, when we find a wallet and fail to return it even though we know who it belongs to based on the information inside. We exploit others when we lie to them for personal gain. We exploit others when we lie to them, at all. We tell them that aren't worth the truth, and we hurt them in our selfishness. We exploit others in our words.

We exploit others when accept a paycheck but fail to do an adequate job out of our desire to be lazy.  I once heard a quote, and it rings true.

"People were created to be loved. Things were created to be used. The reason why the world is in chaos is because things are being loved and people are being used."

I have recently been writing and God has been showing me how many people are exploited in church settings, but I had the sudden realization that exploitation is not a function of religion. Nor, is it a function of a church. Exploitation is simply a part of our own human nature.
It is who we are without Christ.

It isn't a recent invention. It's been with us since the world began. We have seen it in the face of slavery where we sliced open the backs of other humans to labor so that we might be rich. We can see it in our nation's history when we forced a peaceful people off of their land so that we might profit. We forced the Indians to walk a Trail of Tears, leaving thousands of dead bodies and wailing mothers grieving over thier dead sons and daughters..  so that we could have more room for our own endeavors. We showed that we valued land and property over human life.
We valued territory over fellowship with strangers. dissension over peace. chaos over love.

I love our the freedom of my nation, and I honor those who protect it..and even though I HATE war,  I will pray for our troops,but my kingdom is not of this world. I love people of ALL nations . and my allegience in this life is to God and His Son, my family and those I love, and the orphans, widow, and poor that we are Called to defend. ..they are reason that I sit behind this keyboard. They are the reason that I write. Christ said that He would defend the poor, the helpless, the needy, and the orphan.. they are the ones who are the most exploited. Tonight, I write for them. the ones who are often the faceless target of our own selfish motives and greed.
We exploit over 27 million people a year in the sex trade industry. Our needs have become so great that we traffic human beings and use them any way we please, and sometimes they are sold for a mere fifteen dollars. We pour billions of dollars into the pornography industry. And if we aren't part of the solution, then are we, essentially, a part of the problem?

When porn is purchased, for instance, is that a way of only feeding the machine especially since many of the same victims who are exploited are featured in films for our own selfish entertainment.


Then there's the Mutter Musuem. The Mutter Museum is a famous museum in Philadelphia. It features real human bodies on display. I learned from a friend that bodies of those on display are often "John Does," people who died and are nameless. They are often very poor or homeless people from Asia. Instead, of giving them a proper burial, we put them in poses, pay a fee, and gawk at them for our own entertainment. Of course, it's all in the name science, so it's "justified." but in my mind, it is a sickening tribute to everything that is wrong with the world.

Instead of loving people, we use them...we do all we can to make a profit. Note that there aren't any rich people on display at the Mutter museum, only those who were humiliated in life, and are, once again, humiliated by having their bodies exposed and open to the world so that we can learn something.
Isn't it ironic that despite centuries of learning and education, we are still ultimatly the same, and in some ways, no better than we were before? when will we discover that when we have found PERfect Love, then we have essentially found everything..and that when we have found Love, then we understand God?

Then, there is the Holocost. Millions of Jews were slaughtered and their dead bodies used to sell products. Their skins were used to make lamps, and their hair was inserted into pillows. i shiver when I think of the piles of dead bodies and immense human suffering because one man deemed them an inferior race. When will we learn not to trust in man, but to lean on God for wisdom and understanding?

I read an article the other day about the food industry. The food industry has done research to find what chemicals will cause us to be addicted to certain foods. They want us addicted to food that is harming our bodies for no other purpose than to obtain the mighty dollar and personal gain and greed. I read an article that says that Coke advertises more heavily to the poor. Is it because the poor tend to be less educated and less aware of the long term health effects of drinking their products? Yes, and all for the dollar. I also read that most of the products that claim to contain blueberries, don't even contain real blueberries. What they contain is a mixture of dye and high fructose corn syrup. What is the reason behind false and deceptive advertising? There is only one answer. It is because we live in a world where cash is king. Things are loved and people are used, instead of the other way around.

This is what we have become. This is what we have always been. We exploit others when we take advantage of them in any way, shape, or form.


I guess the purpose of this post is to ask the question: What is the cost of what we do? What is the cost of what we fail to do? What is the cost of the things that we buy? The things that we watch?
who are we exploiting? what waste have we incurred at the cost of innocent life?
are we in a postition to abuse power? how many people have we hurt? is there a better way? do we hurt others in our waste by saying that our toys and luxuries are more important than their need to be fed and clothed?  Lord, help me not to be wasteful! Teach me stewardship!

A few more thoughts:

Power tends to corrupt. It tends to lead to greed. And greed often leads us into atrocities, like wars.

The thing that I love about Christ is that when He came to earth, the people were expecting a great king. They expected Him to have kingdoms, and servants. They probably half expected Him use His power for greatness. But Christ came as a servant to teach us the upside down economics of the Kingdom of the God.. He showed us the one who is willing to lower Himself, is the one who is the greatest in Heaven.
He came to teach us humility by sacrificing His very life and dying a sinners death upon a Cross, so that we might gain eternal life through His innocent Bloodshed.
It is through Him, that we learn that is not more power, more money, (contrary to today's church teachings) that we need..but more of Himself. We need humility, considering others as Better than ourselves and NOT the other way around.

And it is in and through Him that we can see that none of the reasons that we hurt one another even matter. Nothing is worth the cost of hurting another human living being. Not money. Not power. Nothing.

Christ came to show us that there are forces that long to destroy us, but He came that we might have life and have it in abundance. Does this mean an abundance of wealth?

No, it means He came to teach us that a full life is a life of sacrifice and there is beauty to be found in the relinquishing..in the giving up.. in the laying down of a life, so that we can learn the meaning of FREEDOM. and  that freedom comes, not through sin, but through service to one another and loving one another with great depth and treating one another with great dignity... even and especially the least of these...the ones we often exploit...


all too often, i hear the cry of the lost. they refuse a relationship with Christ because they have been exploited for money in a church or they turn on their televisons, only to see men in business suits, selling miracles and salvation for a cost...
Exploitation is not a function of Christ. It is not who He was.

IT is what happens when walk in the flesh. It is a function of greed and selfish ambition. It is a function of envy and lustful pleasures. 

Here's a question that I would like to throw out and correct me if I am wrong..
I often see very wealthy pastors begging for money. Money is not evil in itself, but, if we are forsaking the needs of those around us in order to appeal to our own comfort, then are we just as guilty? When we buy the million dollar mansion or the outrageous new fountain for the foyer, are we walking in selfish ambition? or envy because we want to compete with the church down the street? Is this representative of self denial or the taking up of a Cross?

Christ said we fulfull the law when we bear one another's burdens..  Jesus wants us to take care of one another...not exploit one another.


one final thought and this is the most important one:

Pssst.. hey you. sitting behind your computer screen or your iphone or whatever....

Jesus loves you. He longs to take you in and show you the upside down nature of love. He longs to lavish His love upon you. He longs to take away the sins of the world and wash them in something pure and clean and good and white. He longs to take away the pain that you are feeling, and give you something new. He sees you.

2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!

See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. Isaiah 43:19

Jesus will not exploit and he can change you so that you will not ever want to exploit others...

Christ said that the fruits of the flesh are obvious. They are sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, ²⁰ idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, ²¹ envy, and drunkeness, to name a few..

for when you start to unravel

Yesterday took a turn for the worst. Truthfully, I had been having a good day, but then, some "unexpected developments" truly caused me to unravel.
Do you know what I learned through all of this..? When circumstances around us unravel, we are faced with a true test of our character.
When things are fine and smooth, it is easy to be kind, BUT, when things go south, it's hard.
Yesterday, I fought back some things that have been bothering me for weeks. I cried. I tried not to let my emotions get the best of me. I let a few things slip out of mouth that should'nt have.

The truth is that I am a very sensitive person, and sometimes I expect the people around me to be kind. I really don't ask for much. At least I don't think I do..
Anyhow, yesterday, after the wheels were set in motion by a particular event, my mind kept reeling and replaying all of the negative and hurtful things that someone said to me over the course of the past few weeks.

The other day it was brought to my attention that this someone called my three year old an "idiot." I'm sure it was a "joke" and "harmless" Truthfully, I wasn't even supposed to know that these words were spoken..but, as it turns out, they were.
All I can say is that I am hurt. I will never understand why people vie for unkindness when eternity stares them in the face.
I started thinking about how it can take years and years to build relationships, and it is the goal of the enemy to tear them down in a single sentence. An unkind word. A haughty look.
The enemy uses us to work against one another, and when we are ugly to one another, every demon in hell cheers for the life he has hurt and the trust he has destroyed.

I remember something that my grandmother told me years ago. She and her mother had a huge fight. She was angry. I don't think they were on speaking terms. Truthfully, I guess the reason for the fight doesn't matter. some time after, her mom was riding in a car with some friends. They had passed an intersection and her mom was killed. My grandmother told me never to be angry with the people you love because you never know which day will be their last.

I agree with my grandmother, but I have to admit.. There are days when I feel as if I am always the one extending the olive branch.

Negative words, I have found, cause us to focus inward. When someone is rude, our first reaction is to nurse our wounds. and it seems that while we are tending our own hurts and bleeding hearts, our Light is misdirected.
How can we focus on Christ and on others when we are swimming in a sea of words?

I keep thinking of the verse that says that hearing the word and doing what it says..is like building your house upon the rock. When the storm comes, the windows may rattle, the words may seek to tear down, but, if the foundation is strong, the house is unscathed. It may have a few scratches, but it emerges strong and stately.. from having won a battle with the wind.

I guess the purpose of this post is to let people know that the most beautiful promise of falling is that sometimes, it is only an illusion. Sometimes, you have merely closed your eyes from the sound of the waves, and when you open them back up, you are still in the exact same place that you were before..only this time, you have learned to look up.

I guess the best advice I can give anyone today is to simply learn to let things go..
When people are mean and angry towards  you..when they hurt you with their mouth, simply close your eyes and walk away. Say a prayer for them because, in the end, we should long to see everyone standing firmly, untouched by waves.

One more thought: One of the fruits of the Spirit is self control. If we can't control the words that we are speaking to others, perhaps that is like the engine light coming on in a car.. It is an indicator that perhaps we aren't as spiritually strong as we think. Yesterday, was a test. I need work..but I'm glad I know the Potter. Lord, make me a willing clay. Sometimes bending and breaking is the hardest thing, but something that shifts our gaze toward the Maker Himself.
Remember these words..

It only takes a spark, remember, to set off a forest fire. A careless or wrongly placed word out of your mouth can do that. By our speech we can ruin the world, turn harmony to chaos, throw mud on a reputation, send the whole world up in smoke and go up in smoke with it, smoke right from the pit of hell.
^7-10 This is scary: You can tame a tiger, but you can’t tame a tongue—it’s never been done. The tongue runs wild, a wanton killer. With our tongues we bless God our Father; with the same tongues we curse the very men and women he made in his image. Curses and blessings out of the same mouth!
^10-12 My friends, this can’t go on. A spring doesn’t gush fresh water one day and brackish the next, does it? Apple trees don’t bear strawberries, do they? Raspberry bushes don’t bear apples, do they? You’re not going to dip into a polluted mud hole and get a cup of clear, cool water, are you?

How to Find Your Life

the other day, I kept thinking of all that we do in the name of Christianity. How much of what we are doing is truly Spirit led?
How much is excess and waste? For instance, and I mean to offend no one.. but can anyone really see Jesus going to get a theology degree? or spending thousands of dollars flying from conference to conference? or passing around a collection plate so that a new fountain can be put in church courtyard?

sigh.. I truly don't mean to offend anyone. I'm sure that there has been knowlege from theology degrees that have helped someone in some way or another. I'm sure that the information that you have received at one of the thousands of conferences you have attended all across the globe, have benefited you in some way, shape, or form..perhaps, what you have learned has even trickled down to someone else..

I guess the point that I am trying to make is that Jesus never needed to do any of these things. What would he have to say about the billions of dollars that we waste every year in the name of Christianity..all the while, while we ignore the needs of suffering people. suffering children. suffering anyone, for that matter.

I truthfully have no one in mind as I write this..I have no particular religion in mind..i just simply want others to see how the life of Jesus seemed so different than the way He is often represented.

Before Jesus began His ministry, he didn't need to obtain a degree. He didn't rally for support. He simply laid down His will and gave Himself wholly to His Father. He went to the desert, and while He was there..He learned hunger. He learned thirst. He was tormented and tempted by demons. Jesus learned humility long before He ever marched to the Cross. Jesus became Humility so that we would have a clear example of the very nature of Love. I started thinking..Jesus could have gone anywhere. Why did He choose the harshest environment known to man? He puposely chose to give up every creature comfort so that he could could suffer for 40 days and nights without food, nor drink, nor companionship. Why?
 Perhaps, He knew that the will of the Father was to lead Him to the Cross, and the desert was a way to prepare for a life of total surrender and self sacrifice.

When He emerged from the desert, we can see compassion for sinners. We can see anger at hypocracy. We can see wisdom. We can see power. We can look into His life and see beauty and ultimately, we can find an example.


I guess the entire purpose of this post, is to say...that, in order to find Jesus, you don't always have to spend the thousands of dollars. Sometimes, you can find Him in the desert.

Be willing to lay your life down..He says that when you do, you find it.. are you willing to walk in the desert? are you willing to walk to narrow path that leads to life?

The Bible talks about being led by the Spirit. Haven't we yet learned that the Spirit will always take us down the same path of Jesus, the way of love, and self sacrifice..ultimately, the way of the Cross.
Can't people see how a lot of today's teachings lead us away from that?
More on that later.


Matthew 10:39

Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.



For what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses or forfeits himself? - from Luke



For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live,because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. Romans 8: 13-14