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Tuesday, March 22, 2011

The pain of the wrong relationship

If i could turn back the hands of time, I would like to think that I would have done many things differently. But I can see how, from my many wrongs, I can teach others to do what is right. My one weakness has always been in the relationship department. I haven't had many serious relationships, but the ones that I have had, left scars that have only closed recently. I once thought that I could find true happiness in another person. And I believe that a right relationship can be very fulfilling..but it's so easy to get caught in a trap and think that you have found THE ONE.

I remember my first relationship. I was very lonely and allowed myself to become close friends with a man I met at a coffee shop. I happened to work with his sister. He would often invite me to dinner at his apartment. I was very innocent when we met. I was a Christian but I was a bit naive. I thought that everyone was essentially a good person. Don't get me wrong, I believe that Jesus loves everyone and everyone has the potential for great and wonderful things, but I believed that I could change this man by being an example.

There were a few warning signs that things weren't right. I had this feeling in my gut. I couldn't quite explain it, but I knew that something didn't quite sit well. A long time ago I had gone to a church retreat and a man came out of the blue and told me that I would one day meet a man with dark hair. He said when I was with this man, I wouldn't have to wear a mask anymore.

I remember sitting on the couch with my friend one day, and he looked at me and started talking about this mask- the same mask that the guy at the retreat told me about. He told me that I didn't have to wear a mask. He then began to speak of God and Love and I ignored all of those gut feelings and took this as some sort of sign that we were "meant to be together."

I ended up compromising many of the things I believed in, however. I thought we were going to be together forever. We had discussed marriage and children so I thought that I could justify sleeping with him. Shortly after we were engaged, I conceived his child. Shortly after that, I began to discover things that he was doing. I'm not even going to post it. But it was so horrible. There was so much darkness in our apartment. I pleaded with him to stop doing what he was doing, but he refused. So I was forced to leave.

I have a beautiful ten year old boy now. He is a tremendous blessing to my life. But there is a void in his life of not knowing his father. It wasn't until recently that I truly truly forgave my son's dad. Horrible things happened to him when he was younger. Things that no child should ever have to face. Even now, I am praying for him and believing that his life will be transformed.

But I just want to warn everyone to be careful who they date. That gut feeling that I described was God, trying to tell me something. I ignored it and have faced much pain because of it. Even when it seemed right, it wasn't. Men can talk about God until they are blue in the face. Many will use Jesus as a way to manipulate. But girls, you will know a true Christian by his Light. If he is pressuring you into a sexual relationship, then He isn't light. His light will be known by the words from his mouth, by his deeds.

I know in the times we live in, it is sooooo easy to fall into the trap of premarital sex. It is a tempation that is everywhere. But I will tell you this. Wait, and you will be blessed. I have friends that waited and I can honestly say that I have more respect for them than any Hollywood figure, any Lady Gaga, symbols are a dime a dozen, but a woman or a man that can stay pure until marriage is a rare treasure.

If a parent is reading this,,,, it says to train your child in the ways that he should go. To me, that means instruction on such matters as these. Matters that we often don't discuss. I know in my own personal life, I could have avoided so much pain if I had "those" discussions......

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