My Struggle With Anxiety and Depression Continued

Lately, I have struggled with anxiety and depression more than I care to admit. I often have to pray and pray a lot to simply just get through the day. For anyone who has followed my testimony, I have dealt with a lot of demonic oppression. Satan has stolen entire years from me in the past. Years.

Last night, I decided to watch a video on YouTube by Derek Prince. It was about the power of fasting and prayer. In the video, Derek says that fasting is a way of humbling ourselves before God. The Word says that God resists the proud, but exalts the humble. He then gave numerous examples of fasting in the Bible where lives were changed through fasting and prayer. When Jesus gave the sermon on the mount, He tells us how to fast and how to pray, leading Derek to believe that fasting should be a part of our Christian walk, even though we often neglect it.

After I watched this video, I humbled myself in prayer and I realized some things about myself.
For the past several weeks, I have been making my own plans (things that I want to do for Jesus). I planned on going where I want to go and doing what I want to do. Last night, I realized something simple and yet profound. I was trying to lead Jesus around, but what He actually wanted was for me to simply follow Him. He wants me to trust in His Plan. He wants to lead me. I've been putting my own will before God, and it has been causing me anxiety, defeat, and depression.

I've been afraid of following Jesus. Last night, I asked Him, "Lord where will you lead me?"
And a verse rang out in my mind as clear as day, "I will lead you beside the still waters. I will lead you in green pastures. I will restore your soul. And even in dark places, there will be nothing to fear.

I've been so peaceful since then. Every day, I wake up fighting anxiety, but today I woke up for the first time in a long time, with peace. Do you want to know where God is leading me today? - to the park. with my kids. I haven't left the house much because I had been so down, but today, Jesus is leading me to laugh and have a fun and beautiful day with my children.

If there is a lesson in this, let it be this. Trust the Lord. Trust His Will. Don't make your own plans. Trust in His. Ask Him to lead you. Don't be afraid to follow.

Last night, Jesus led me to these verses....

The Glory of Zion

60 “Arise, shine, for your light has come,
    and the glory of the Lord rises upon you.
2 See, darkness covers the earth
    and thick darkness is over the peoples,
but the Lord rises upon you
    and his glory appears over you.
3 Nations will come to your light,
    and kings to the brightness of your dawn.

4 “Lift up your eyes and look about you:
    All assemble and come to you;
your sons come from afar,
    and your daughters are carried on the hip.
5 Then you will look and be radiant,
    your heart will throb and swell with joy;
the wealth on the seas will be brought to you,
    to you the riches of the nations will come.
6 Herds of camels will cover your land,
    young camels of Midian and Ephah.
And all from Sheba will come,
    bearing gold and incense
    and proclaiming the praise of the Lord.
7 All Kedar’s flocks will be gathered to you,
    the rams of Nebaioth will serve you;
they will be accepted as offerings on my altar,
    and I will adorn my glorious temple.

8 “Who are these that fly along like clouds,
    like doves to their nests?
9 Surely the islands look to me;
    in the lead are the ships of Tarshish,[a]
bringing your children from afar,
    with their silver and gold,
to the honor of the Lord your God,
    the Holy One of Israel,
    for he has endowed you with splendor.

10 “Foreigners will rebuild your walls,
    and their kings will serve you.
Though in anger I struck you,
    in favor I will show you compassion.
11 Your gates will always stand open,
    they will never be shut, day or night,
so that people may bring you the wealth of the nations—
    their kings led in triumphal procession.
12 For the nation or kingdom that will not serve you will perish;
    it will be utterly ruined.

13 “The glory of Lebanon will come to you,
    the juniper, the fir and the cypress together,
to adorn my sanctuary;
    and I will glorify the place for my feet.
14 The children of your oppressors will come bowing before you;
    all who despise you will bow down at your feet
and will call you the City of the Lord,
    Zion of the Holy One of Israel.

15 “Although you have been forsaken and hated,
    with no one traveling through,
I will make you the everlasting pride
    and the joy of all generations.
16 You will drink the milk of nations
    and be nursed at royal breasts.
Then you will know that I, the Lord, am your Savior,
    your Redeemer, the Mighty One of Jacob.
17 Instead of bronze I will bring you gold,
    and silver in place of iron.
Instead of wood I will bring you bronze,
    and iron in place of stones.
I will make peace your governor
    and well-being your ruler.
18 No longer will violence be heard in your land,
    nor ruin or destruction within your borders,
but you will call your walls Salvation
    and your gates Praise.
19 The sun will no more be your light by day,
    nor will the brightness of the moon shine on you,
for the Lord will be your everlasting light,
    and your God will be your glory.
20 Your sun will never set again,
    and your moon will wane no more;
the Lord will be your everlasting light,
    and your days of sorrow will end.
21 Then all your people will be righteous
    and they will possess the land forever.
They are the shoot I have planted,
    the work of my hands,
    for the display of my splendor.
22 The least of you will become a thousand,
    the smallest a mighty nation.
I am the Lord;
    in its time I will do this swiftly.”

The Year of the Lord’s Favor

61 The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
    because the Lord has anointed me
    to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
    to proclaim freedom for the captives
    and release from darkness for the prisoners,[a]
2 to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
    and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
3     and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
    instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
    instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
    instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
    a planting of the Lord
    for the display of his splendor.

4 They will rebuild the ancient ruins
    and restore the places long devastated;
they will renew the ruined cities
    that have been devastated for generations.
5 Strangers will shepherd your flocks;
    foreigners will work your fields and vineyards.
6 And you will be called priests of the Lord,
    you will be named ministers of our God.
You will feed on the wealth of nations,
    and in their riches you will boast.

7 Instead of your shame
    you will receive a double portion,
and instead of disgrace
    you will rejoice in your inheritance.
And so you will inherit a double portion in your land,
    and everlasting joy will be yours.

8 “For I, the Lord, love justice;
    I hate robbery and wrongdoing.
In my faithfulness I will reward my people
    and make an everlasting covenant with them.
9 Their descendants will be known among the nations
    and their offspring among the peoples.
All who see them will acknowledge
    that they are a people the Lord has blessed.”

10 I delight greatly in the Lord;
    my soul rejoices in my God.
For he has clothed me with garments of salvation
    and arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness,
as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest,
    and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.
11 For as the soil makes the sprout come up
    and a garden causes seeds to grow,
so the Sovereign Lord will make righteousness
    and praise spring up before all nations.