I suppose there was a time in my life when I could relate to that. I understand it. I had no true understanding of God..no desire to find out or explore what the whole Christian thing was about.
I had seen a lot of Christians that cheered on too many wars, while all I could think about were all of the babies and the children that would be devastated.
I saw too many Christians with lying lips ..some with subtle hints of racism...
I had seen "Christians" who professed to know Christ but whose lives seemed completely void of love...
Today, I exchanged a few words in the comment section of a yahoo forum.
I read an article about a mother who couldn't understand why her son had been shot even though he was unarmed.
Apparently, her 19 year old son was smuggling marijuana across the border. He was unarmed and climbing a fence while he was gunned down in the back...
She didn't think it was fair that her son's life was taken.
I was reading the comments and people were saying that the use of force was justified. They were saying all sorts of vicious things about how "he had it coming" and then saying that the mother was probably "just as bad... Basically, the majority of commenters tore these people apart.
Well, I couldn't let it go. I felt I had to say something.
I was amazed by the lack of compassion that I saw.. have we become so legalistic and self righteous that we don't have compassion. I don't defend the man's crime, but I refuse to demean or belittle his life because of a bad choice. I don't know what he has faced and I refuse to cow down to judging him.
I see too much judgement these days and simply not enough compassion. It seems like every self professing Christian wants to play the role of executioner when very few actually march toward a cross. Judgement is easy. we mask it in the form of our opinions. But how often do we do the hard thing and lay down the stones at someone who has bruised our egos..or hurt our feelings? Christ forgave those who spit in His face and placed nails on His head. ..If you can't do the same, quit calling yourself "Christ like.." It's a turnoff and it turns away people in pain who genuinely need a refuge..
Quit showing them an image of Christ with a gavel..and show them a Christ with a cross.
but, I digress..
I once understood anger at God because I didn't really know Him.. all I knew was that I knew pain and that I was comfortable in it..
I used to write about it..I wrote poetry about pain because it was something that I understood.
I still understand it..
But now, I have a whole new depth of understanding about God too.
I don't question His goodness anymore. I have seen too much of evil to know that God is separate from it..
And that God doesn't cause pain...He only heals it..
I am no longer comfortable with pain..or depression.. or any of those things..
I fight it. I pray against it. I choose to be grateful for what I have and I choose to see beauty in the moment.
I choose life.
I choose to fight for thngs that are good and real and pure and true.
I choose love and I choose God.
The darkness has stolen too many beautiful moments that I will never get back. I refuse to sit and think about all of the the things that I wish were differnt..things that I can't control. I choose to trust.
God is living and He is alive.
He is real.
Call upon Him and He will answer you.
Choose life because God chose you.
I want to thank God for the simple things.. ...
I'm not criticizing depression, I simply want people to know that there is a way out of it. It doesn't have to define you.
I thank God for flowers with fields and bright eyed boys..Cade picked this bouquet of flowers for me. I love you, Cade
|I thank God for tiny feet trolloping through thick grass..This angel also picked flowers for me.. Mothers, quit being discontent. Enjoy you children. They are your greatest gift.|
|I'm thankful for neices and puppy dogs|
|Cade swinging in the hammock that my mom set up..|
|My beautiful niece, jadah|
|Cade found a vase for my flowers|