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Saturday, June 30, 2012

These past two insane and crazy, crazy weeks.. madness and calm

Today, I closed the door of my two week vacation.  I vowed to do nothing but enjoy still and quiet. I thought that every minute of every day was going to be spent "reeling in beauty".

The tone of the week was set with my encounter with a giant rat.  It was in the kitchen..flailing on a sticky glue trap. It scared me senseless..and it escaped... 
The rest of the week was characterized by a house full of children with fevers. ..

and then there was the fall. One night little Brendan, my two year old, was horseplaying and hopping on the bed..He tumbled off and fell head first on the linoleum floor. I heard what sounded like a crack. He cried for about five minutes. I kept checking his pupils for signs of a concussion. I googled head injuries and called the Emergency room. They infomed me that this sort of thing happens all of the time.  I prayed for him and settled down for the night.

Then there was the Ratatouille incident.  I went to a friend's house.. She offered me some homemade Ratatouille..Having seen the cartoon, I was excited to try it..I thought that eating ratatouille would somehow make me seem more interesting...
After eating it, my throat began to itch.. then, my tongue swoll up..
before I knew it, I was having trouble speaking.
I have severe allergies to certain foods..Seafood is one of them..and wheatgrass. I thought that I might be allergic to some of the herbs in the concoction.
I later found out that the ratatouille had been cooked in the same pan as a filet of fish.

The week was filled with angry Wal Mart people..the kind that cut in line and then look at you like you are stupid.
It was filled with complaining kids. The whining had gotten so bad at one point with my oldest son that I felt bad that I literally wanted to get away from it all.
It was filled me questioning my parenting skills. (or lack thereof)

It was filled with people who were just "picking.." 
On a side note..Columbine was shot to death by kids who were "picked" on..

Half the time, I felt like I was yelling and trying to "discipline" 
Oh, and did I mention the feelings of rejection that accompany such a week.
Being unfriended by someone on facebook....and then the feeling of not being included..
 It was filled with thanklessness..
and capable people with their hands outstreched..waiting for a handout.

I continually felt the need to find God's grace in the sea of turmoil..
The weeks felt busy. Words felt mean. Words given and words recieved.
I kept looking for the still waters and seeking out the green pastures. I continually realized my imperfections..felt my humanity..and realized just how much I needed God.
Tonight, I am still in desperate need of God's grace..
and I'm relieved to know that it is still there.

I have tasted of the still waters and know that the quiet pastures are still right where God left them.
I only have to seek them out.

One night, during this crazy week, I looked up at the moon and marveled at the wonderous sky. It looked like a peaceful place to escape. I thought I could get lost in it. 
I started daydreaming about beach houses and thinking about all of the things that would make me happy and comfortable and cozy..
I thought about Jesus in the desert..without food and water..roughing it.. spending time with His Father, gaining strength in His weakness so that He could begin His ministry...and then I remembered that I don't need comfort and cozy to find grace.
God reveals Himself in the desert.

Angels came to Jesus in the desert and minsistered to Him..
Jesus knows the hard times. He understands them and He is there to minister to us through the rough patches.

Even through these past two crazy weeks, I have nothing to complain about.... I am so grateful.
All of these little things are petty..that's the small stuff..
Even when we feel down, we pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off..
We have a race to finish.

Some highlights of the week:

Playing badminton with my beautiful sister
holding my handsome, feverish baby, kissing his forehead, and watching his chug down his giant glass of chocolate milk..
Listening to Cade tell me that I am the greatest mom in the world, even though I sometimes don't feel like I am..
Picking out a hammock for my yard!
Finally getting to bond with my niece, the tiny Mrs. Ruth.
Watching Brendan and Olivia jam to Adele in the backseat of my sister's car..
being hugged by Rebecca, my brother's girl..
...and the list goes on...

life is sweet..
yes, there are the light and momentary troubles that we are promised..but God is still good..
and the still waters are right where He left them.

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