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Friday, November 25, 2011

7 Days of Heaven, Day 4, and going through the storm part 2

This month has been very difficult. My stomach has been in knots for the past few days.
The other night, I was sorting through my mail. I noticed a bevy of credit card offers, bills, and promotions.  I sadly observed that there was no personal mail. I felt like I could've used a good old-fashioned hand written letter.
So I began to think of what I could do for Day 4 of my 7 Days in Heaven series. I pondered on how we all need deliberate acts of love.  So I took out a pen and paper and wrote a hand written letter to a complete stranger. I mentioned that no matter what we are going through, everything is going to be ok. I told them how beautiful and special they are, and how they have a very unique purpose. I am going to find a random name in the phone book and mail it to them with no return address.

I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't completely heartbroken. But I know that sometimes our hearts break so that they can be put together in a new and better way.

I spoke with my husband last night. We cried together on the phone. I am thankful that I can move past the anger. I am thankful that I can still love him. I still want him to thrive.

I have still chosen to move on with my life. I have to.
But I pray that others can forgive also.
It's easy to cast our stones at bad behaviour.  But I've walked down the aisle of bad behaviour. I've been there. I've done many things that I deeply regret. Many things were done out of complete brokeness. Some were down out of selfishness. And some were just downright wicked.

Even now, I am forced to examine my own heart. Dear God, is there anything in me that is wicked?
I can't help but a small amount of blame on myself for the way that things turned out.

Last month, something beautiful transpired. I was looking at my ten year old son, Cade. Jesus spoke to me and said, "Rachelle, wash his feet."
So I did. I said, "Cade, this is going to sound silly, but do you mind if I wash your feet?"

There is a story in the Bible.. a prostitute washed the feet of Jesus. It was a very deliberate act of love. She took his feet in her hands. She rubbed them with oil, and dried them with her hair. One day I asked Jesus, "Lord, how can I wash your feet?" He told me that by washing the feet of others, I would wash His feet.  So I have tried to wash the feet of others ever since. We wash each others feet with acts of kindness and deliberate acts of love.

After I washed Cade's feet, he started to cry. I could see that something inside his little ten year old heart, broke.  He began to tell me that he didn't want me to go to work the next day. I think I cried too.

Even in my marriage, I wonder....What if we had washed each others feet every day? What if?
What if I had washed his feet despite all of the pain that I endured?
Would things have turned out differently if we washed each others feet?  If we had both taken the time for deliberate acts of love? Of course, things would have turned out differently.

Deliberate acts of love redeem us. Deliberate acts of love break down walls.
If anyone could learn anything from my heartbreak,
learn to forgive
Husbands wash the feet of your wife. Wives wash the feet of your husbands.
Mothers. Fathers. Wash the feet of your children. Children, wash your parent's feet.

we only have a short time on earth. Lets try to get it right. Take time to wash the feet of others and wash the feet of Christ.

even despite the immense pain that I feel, one day, I am going to see David and I am going to ask him if I can wash his feet. He is broken and I still love him.

Even though I feel I have to move on, I am still going to wash his feet.

In my letter to the random stranger I wrote, "even though we are hurt, love relentlessly anyway."
Love redeems. Love has face that looks like Christ.
What would the world look like is we loved relentlessly?
The world would look like heaven.

1 comment:

  1. Thank you for posting this on your blog. My former husband and I divorced 12 years ago - and we spent 4 years after that trying to reconcile the marriage. However, infidelity was always with us. It never left. The pain of that has never really left me. It fades - but it leaves a deep scar.

    I hope to one day be able to wash his feet..but for now, I am content to pray for him. For me. For our girls.