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Friday, November 18, 2011

Riding the roller coaster

So where do I begin? This past week has been very emotional. I feel as if I am riding the roller coaster of life once again. One minute I'm smiling and embracing life. The next moment I am in tears. I guess that is part of my way of dealing with death.

There is a part of me that feels very reassured and peaceful. I can feel God behind everything that has happened recently. I can feel His healing Hand even when I am crying my eyes out. Even now, my tears aren't even tears of despair. They are tears of loss. I will miss gran deeply. I loved her so much.

It seems that this week I have focused heavily on my "situation." My "situation" is less than perfect.  There are days when I find myself calling out to God, "This isn't the way things are supposed to be." "Things are meant to be different." There are days when I crave "normalcy."
But then again, what is normal? Especially, these days. The beauty of this life is that Christ can take something that doesn't even look "normal" and turn it around so that is virtually unrecognizeable.

And Once again, I come to the conclusion that....Even though my situation isn't perfect...MY GOD still is...

I have food. I am warm. I have much to be thankful for...

Yesterday, I was running some errands and it seemed that I encountered so many rude people. I noticed people darting in line in front of me at the checkout counter and I almost let it  get to me. 
I noticed people pulling out in front of me...and just plain rude behavior. Yesterday, I felt like I should be exempt from it all...because of the things that I am facing.

There is a verse in the Bible that I remembered about how people's wickedness will be so abundant in the last days that the love of many will grow cold.

Yesterday, I had to hold my tongue a few times and all I could say was, "Jesus, please never let my love grow cold. Never. 
I know that there will always be rude, mean, and inconsiderate people...but never ever ever let my love grow cold

For the one hundred people that would walk all over me, there is still the one out there that needs to see the love of Jesus.
sometimes, people are rude because they too have been walked on one too many times.
This life is a test. Never let another person's "rudeness" keep you from seeking God.

As I was driving home I remembered a prayer that I once saw. I went with a friend to adoration at her church. My best friend had just died. I thought the words of the prayer were beautiful and I recalled them yesterday as I was driving home after a long day.

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness, light.
Where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
It's one of those prayers that remind us, once again, that no matter what we are facing...
the walk still isn't about us. No matter how much we seek love, our ultimate purpose is not to seek it, but to give it...

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