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Wednesday, September 26, 2012

3 AM rants and musings.....Thoughts on escaping "THE MACHINE"

I usually don't like to complain. I realize in my heart that I am blessed beyond words and reason. Especially when I see people going through tough trials. So, I won't complain..

I will, however, express my thoughts on shiftwork. In all honesty, I am grateful to be able to pay off the debt that I accrued through student loans..but I think I have come to a place where I hate shiftwork.

All too often, I work 12 hour shifts on as little as 3 to 4 hours of sleep. My body has a hard time adjusting because we switch from nights to days so often. Last night, at work, I was so tired I was tempted to tell my boss to just send me to the house.  We don't sit around at a desk all night, we do hard work....We sweat.

Don't get me wrong, we have some laid back and easy nights, but for the most part, it's a lot of work.

I always think it's funny when I hear people complaining about doing small, menial tasks.. My son, for instance, complains about going out in the heat for 30 minutes a day to tend to the chickens. Somedays I want to toughen him up because I know that he couldn't handle doing what I do.

So many people tell me that I am fortunate to have my job..and it's true, I am. I worked hard to get it..but I also tell the same people that they are fortunate to have the opportunity to stay at home with their kids.

Right now, it's close to 3 AM..My baby Brendan is running a seriously high fever. He is sleeping. Soon, the house is going to be crawling with kids.. The crack of dawn will be peeping her head and I"ll be awake, completely worthless as a mother.

Maybe not completely worthless, but I won't be at my best. Ok, I'll strive to be my best, but I'll be dead tired doing it.

Right now, I long for the simple life. I've found myself craving it a lot here lately. I want to raise bees and buy a food truck and drive around the country with my family both selling and giving away free food to hungry people. I want to be a full time mother and wife.

Do you know what I heard? that when people are on their deathbed, the one thing they regret the most, is working too much.

I am finding this to be true. Work is important, but it should never trumph the precious time that we are given with our families. So many memories and moments are gone.. I can't even count how many birthday parties I've missed and how many Christmas mornings that I had to miss with my family and my kids because of shift work..

It's not easy for me. It's not easy to watch my 11 year old cry when I go to work. Does anyone have a food truck that they would like to sell?  Seriously. maybe there is nothing glamorous about selling tacos or meats on a stick...but to me..there is glamor is a simple kind of life that would allow me to be with my children..

What's funny is that a lot of people have jokingly called me a hippie throughout the course of my life...what's so hippie about wanting to make my own rules and enjoy my own time with my own family?
What's hippie about wanting to grow things from the ground and live simply?

If that is hippie, then throw me a pair of door beads and roll out the ganja...( ok, I'll pass on the ganja, I'm not sure how Jesus feels about that) but am I making sense here?

The irony of our lives is that we work and work to get things and then we die and we can't take any of the things that we worked for with us..

I"ve always admired the life of the missionary. It kind of reminds me of my life now, only with family and the fact that instead of working for a company, missionaries actually work for God. They do work that doesn't fade at the end of the day. They do work that somehow extends into forever. They work the long hard hours and I hear it's not easy...but then again, does anything good come easy?
No, I don't think it does...

Want to hear something cool? God put it in my heart to order a cotton candy machine. It was this small little vision to use it to serve Him in some way. I'm going to be letting people use it for fundraisers, and we are going to use it at family birthday parties. Tonight, I was put in contact with a family who is in need of a double lung transplant. They are going to use the cotton candy machine at their fund raiser.
I am in awe of how God uses our simple visions to bring people together. I am in awe of how wonderful God is..

Tonight, I kept thinking about so many of us think the grass is greener on the other side of something. The only grass that I am content to lay in right now is the one that says, "He makes me to lie down in green pastures." Right now that is the only grass I need. It is my only source of comfort and rest. When it blows, it says trust in Me...The walk isn't always easy, but it's so very worth it.  THe winds of change are blowing.

I don't want anyone, especially family, to think that I'm just going to up and quit my job. But I have come to a place where I am grateful for options...I have come to a place where my mind feels free to explore other ways of life..without feeling trapped in "the machine."

all of these thoughts, force me to question the beauty of "the American Dream.."  The American dream tells us that we should strive to have more...get more..... We often aquire huge debts buying things that we can't afford to maintain a lifestyle and keep up with the Joneses...
The God Dream, the Bible, tells us not to covet what our neighbors love on them, instead..
To be a light...
The Bible  tells us to be content with what we have and that God will provide our needs.
I am one who believes in hard work.  I am with the rest of the nation when I see able bodied people freeloading and refusing to give or contribute anything to society.  Even God tells us that if we don't work, we don't eat...and in His word He tells us to work with our hands so that we aren't dependent on anyone... I'm not promoting laziness on this post...
I simply believe that sometimes God puts dreams and visions in our hearts. I am learning that it is ok to pursue those dreams and visions.. I am learning that I don't have to be trapped "in the machine."
There are other ways of doing  things, and for that, I am truly happy.
I am praying and looking forward to the day when I have more freedom to be with my family in the way that God calls us to be... I look forward to serving... and doing things like beekeeping...
I look forward to using my talents to serve..singing, writing, taking photographs...
and maybe, I will make it a goal to add flair and romance to the greasy foodtruck idea...
Maybe, I will serve French food..and have a little wrought iron tables with huge bouquets of flowers sitting on top...maybe, I will serve chocolate croissants  to the rich and the middle class and feed the hungry at the very same time... Maybe, I will hire an accoridan player to play a French ballad...
A girl can dream can't she?

Does anyone have a food truck that they would like to sell?

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