I woke up this morning, and on only four hours of sleep on a 20 hour day, I was in complete awe of God. I had to drop to my knees because for the first time in a long time I felt complete freedom, joy, and peace on a level that I haven't felt in a while.
I'm tired right now. Dead tired. I secretly want to roll over, but I want to share some things. Too many good testimonies die when don't share them.
Lately, I have been praying for spiritual discernment. I used to think that meant being able to defend oneself against the Accuser. But today, I saw that discernment is more than that. Discernment is also there in order to clearly receive the thoughts from God. I woke up this morning and my mind was filled with a clarity that I haven't experienced in a very long time. I began to see myself the way that God saw me. He began to show me things about parenting, discipline, marriage, and about myself.
Today, I saw myself through the eyes of God.
Last week I was crying profusely. I didn't want to get out of bed. The Accuser came at with such force that I was left mentally crippled..
But, as Christians, we realize that we don't fight against flesh and blood, we keep going, we press on because we realize that we have a race to finish and we can see the beauty of the prize...
Today, I saw victory.
I saw God's love for me and, even though, that might sound trite or trivial to someone, ..
It is the most magnificent thing that one could ever imagine. Ever..
His love for us is relentless.
First, I will share a few things that God showed me about marriage..
I know that many people know that I have walked a hard road. It has been so extraordinarily difficult. Even today, I was tempted toward anger but my husband greeted me with kind words and told me how much he loved me. We communicated.
The thing about God is sometimes He doesn't always want us to try to change other people. He wants to change us. He wants us to look like He does.
I have held on to anger in marriage for a very long time. But something that Jesus showed me was the role that I played. I have always played the role of Accuser in my marriage. I have relentlessly brought up the past. I have milked it and brought it up on numerous occasions. But the thing that God showed me.... is that through Grace..there is a forgetting.
Grace forgets the Past.
The same Grace that forgot about my sins and forgot about them while the Accuser threw them up in my pretty little face, is the same Grace that wanted me to forgive and forget.
In Grace, there is a Forgetting. A letting go...
Grace says, I forgive you as far as the east is from the west. Drop it. and Let it Go...
It was my natural human tendancy to want to dwell on the hurts, but Grace bid me to lay it down.
Today, I saw that for a large part of my marriage, I played the role of the victim. But the truth is that I wasn't without sin. Yesterday, I confessed to my husband of something underhanded I did while we were dating. I told him that I was sorry and that while I knew that God forgave me for it...I wanted my husband to know that I was sorry for playing the role of the saint.
A verse that came to mind today was this: 2 Corinthians verse 9:6 Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously.
To me, this says..what you put into something is what you are going to get out of it....by playing the role of Accuser, I was failing to show grace and love and true forgiveness.
I'm not going into the whole scenario, but I will say this.. God longs to show us things. Everyone's situation is different. Pray for discernment.
Today, God showed me something about parenting. Lately, as I have grown closer to Christ, I can more easily spot sin. I am more aware of my own sinful nature. I am able to discern it and am learning to see it more clearly and for what it is...
As a parent, I realize that I cannot make provisions for sin in my children. God gave me an illustration today. When we make provision for sin in our children's lives, it is like trying to build a house with rotten wood. It will collapse. It's kind of like verses that talk about building your house upon the rock..
If we make provision for sin in our children's lives, it is sort of like enabling that and encouraging it..by doing nothing, we do immense harm....but when we do what the word says in raising our children, raising them in the way that they should go, we build strong men and women. Strong houses.
I'm sad because I have seen "Christian" parents literally abuse their children all under the guise of correction. To me, correction should be firm and stern..unwavering, but also gentle and loving..seeking to build up and encourage at the same time. It should speak with more than just words. We should live as Christ so that we may set the example.
Words can be meaningless when action and example are not present. If you don't want your children to drink and drive for example..don't be that kind of example. Don't do it. If you want them to speak kindly, don't just tell them to do it...Show them what it looks like...
Today was a day of learning and seeing. Today, I went to the Kmart and I saw a young girl walking with someone I believe to be her brother. I have seen them before but I don't recall where.
The brother is very severely handicapped.
Today, I felt God's immense love for them. Lately, I haven't felt as if I wanted to post about my good deeds. I don't want to be a Pharisee blowing trumpets in the street, saying "look at me! Look what I did." ...but I felt that God wanted me to do something nice for them. I bought them two chocolate bars, but what I really wanted was to them how God saw them.. I wanted to say them, "God Sees You."
He sees You and He loves you with a love that is unending. He sees your love for one another and it like an aroma." God Sees You. I wanted them to know how wonderful and how beautiful they both are...
In a world that shuns the mentally handicapped...God sees them.
I walked around the store and I couldn't find them. Little bear and Dave were waiting in the car.
I gave up after about 5 minutes. Truthfully, maybe a part of me realizes that I should've walked around for longer...why?
Because love never gives up. It endures. It burns with a fire that can never be put out.
Do you know that enemy did to me last week?
He made me feel like TRASH...but do you know what God showed me about TRASH?
Have you ever heard of the fire triangle? There are three elements that are needed for fires to burn...Light, Oxygen, and an ignition source...
Maybe I was trash..but when God shined His Light upon me and blew His wind my way...It ignited a spark...and even something, that was once trash, can be set on fire. It can burn with an everlasting Light and a love and a fire that can never be quenched or put out.
I was once Trash, but through Grace, now I burn..I am on fire for the Light and the love that I believe in. I am a new creation... I am no longer trash, but fire.
May God put His fire in your heart, you are NOT trash!
There is one more thing I wanted to talk about..
Recently, I read a book by Bob Goff, entitled, "Love Does." The book is filled with poignant and inspring stories about love..but as I have been praying for discernment... I came across something today. I opened up the book and my eyes fell upon these words.
Faith is not about following a list of rules. This statement was tucked away in a beautiful little story.. but in one stroke of a pen, Bob dismissed the entire set of God's Commandments. I never caught this before. I know better, but to an undiscerning reader..that dismissal could have serious consequences. Discernment is important because it allows you to spot the one detrimental and destructive lie in what seems to be a sea of truth and poignancy. It's not something to be shunned or taken lightly.
Pray for discerment. Last week I was trash..but this week, through discernment, I am fire.
Tonight, I leave you with a verse...
37 And, behold, a woman in the city, which was a sinner, when she knew that Jesus sat at meat in the Pharisee's house, brought an alabaster box of ointment,
38 And stood at his feet behind him weeping, and began to wash his feet with tears, and did wipe them with the hairs of her head, and kissed his feet, and anointed them with the ointment.
39 Now when the Pharisee which had bidden him saw it, he spake within himself, saying, This man, if he were a prophet, would have known who and what manner of woman this is that toucheth him: for she is a sinner.
40 And Jesus answering said unto him, Simon, I have somewhat to say unto thee. And he saith, Master, say on.
41 There was a certain creditor which had two debtors: the one owed five hundred pence, and the other fifty.
42 And when they had nothing to pay, he frankly forgave them both. Tell me therefore, which of them will love him most?
43 Simon answered and said, I suppose that he, to whom he forgave most. And he said unto him, Thou hast rightly judged.
44 And he turned to the woman, and said unto Simon, Seest thou this woman? I entered into thine house, thou gavest me no water for my feet: but she hath washed my feet with tears, and wiped them with the hairs of her head.
45 Thou gavest me no kiss: but this woman since the time I came in hath not ceased to kiss my feet.
46 My head with oil thou didst not anoint: but this woman hath anointed my feet with ointment.
47 Wherefore I say unto thee, Her sins, which are many, are forgiven; for she loved much: but to whom little is forgiven, the same loveth little.
48 And he said unto her, Thy sins are forgiven.
49 And they that sat at meat with him began to say within themselves, Who is this that forgiveth sins also?
50 And he said to the woman, Thy faith hath saved thee; go in peace.