For the past few days, I found myself slipping into depression. Once again, I find myself looking at my situation with 'human eyes." When I look at my life, through human eyes, I get very depressed.
I listened to the lies that things will never change. People will never change.
I found myself slipping into the mindset of "hopelessness."
As I was beginning to become aware that I was slipping into negative thought mode, my aunt sent me a text:
The text read, "It takes the power of God to release us from negative, locked in thinking. It takes true guts to leave the ruts that you are living in" from PJ
It's strange how my aunt rarely sends me texts, but when she does, the message is "dead on."
Sometimes, it's hard to release the "negative thoughts, " but, like all things, I find that when I let them go, there is a true peace.
Someone spoke some hurtful words to me the other day, and I let it get me down. I let it define me. I even began to find myself feeling extra sensitive to the words of others, letting even the slightest thing or word, affect me negatively.
My mom spoke something and, even though she meant no harm, I took it with an attitude of extreme sensitivity. I responded inappropiately. I was kindof ashamed the next day because I realized how much my mom does. She relentlessly works in the garden to provide food for her family. She tirelessy works. She homeschools my oldest boy, Cade while I work to pay off student loans. She is a true hero. We haven't always seen eye to eye, but maybe I never tell her that I do appreciate the things that she does. Mom, if you are reading this, I do appreciate you...and love you.
I guess we all respond differently to things. The altercation with my husband from earlier in the day, caused me to put up a wall. I guess I thought I was protecting myself by defending myself from other's words. Words can do so much harm.
I am friends with a girl on facebook. Her husband recently left her for another woman. He carried on for quite a while, leading her through a maze of lies. I get so angry when I read her posts. Not at her, of course. I sympathize with her...I am angry at her husband. I am angry at lies. I am angry at selfishness and adultery. When I read her posts, my first instinct is to lash out at my husband. Lash out for the lost trust. Lash out for the lies. So much in this life doesn't seem right or fair sometimes. So so much.
So for the past few days, my heart had been a little heavy. Not overwhelming heavy, but I found that I had to continually lean on him and offer my tears in prayer. As I was in the midst of all of this "heaviness.."........
I delivered some of my specially ordered bears to the children at Harbour House. I had 12 bears in my car. I wasn't sure how many bears I would need to bring, but I found that they had 12 children at Harbor House that day....
When I was there, I knew that the children inside had faced some form of abuse and neglect. I knew that the children inside Harbour House had endured things that children shouldn't have to endure. Immediately, my own problems seemed pale in comparison. I knew that by deliving my little bears, I was making a difference. No matter how small, I was spreading some Light. I wrote the kids some letters telling them how much they are loved and cared for. I wanted them to have the same Hope that I have.
After I left Harbour House, I circled the city for a while looking for a place called, ABC Pregnancy Resource Center....in hopes of bringing some baby booties.
I finally found the place. I went inside armed with 20 pairs of baby booties, 20 letters from Fathersloveletter.com, and 20 letters that I wrote to mom's considering abortion.
When I was talking to the women who ran the clinic, I knew that I was supposed to be there. I was touched by the stories that they shared. They were so thankful for the baby booties. They know, how even the smallest act of love, can have a huge impact on a single life. They told me that baby booties can have a huge impact. I know they do, from experience. Ten years earlier, I sat in ABC Pregnacy Resource Center. I took a free pregnancy test. A lady came in a little room and handed me a pair of baby booties and told me that I was going to have a baby. I remembered how hard I cried when she handed me those baby booties. I was so afraid at that time. I wondered how I was going to tell my family. I had so much fear, but somehow those little baby booties helped me...
The ladies at the clinic said they often can change a mother's mind about abortion. Baby booties remind them that their babies have feet.
They showed me a picture on the wall. A beautiful, tiny baby girl smiled back with perfect innocence. They shared that the picture was of a girl whose mother was planning on aborting, but changed her mind. I nearly cried as I looked into the eyes of this baby girl. I was so thankful that her mother chose life.
We talked statistics. I learned that so many women in my area opt for abortion. Many do not even consider adoption because they have a negative perception of adoption. They simply don't want to hand thier child over to a "stranger." I guess abortion seems like an easy route.
They showed me a little room with baby clothes. Expecting parents and new moms can go to recieve parenting classes and, in turn, get to pick out some new clothes.
I nearly cried when I saw the dedication and commitmment of the women who worked there. They tirelessly work to give hope to expecting moms. They tirelessly work to change the minds and hearts of those considering abortion. They share the hope that have. They share Jesus with the women that come into thier clinic. They said that they led 3 women to Jesus the previous day alone. How amazing!
They showed me some little dolls. Each doll is modeled to look like an exact replica of a baby in the various stages of development. They say that so many women change thier minds about abortion when looking at and holding these little dolls.
After I conversed with the women who worked at the center, I ran back to car and grabbed 20 more pairs of booties, 21 more letters from Fathersloveletter.com, and 20 more personal letters.
There is such a great need! Over 800 women have gone through the doors of the clinic since January. Of the 800 women, 150 women have opted for abortion.
If my baby booties, or letters could affect one life, then my mission would have been worth it...One child. Just one saved child is worth so much.
I know that my efforts are futile. All that I do is for Him. He can change hearts. He can change minds. He can change lives. Only He and He alone. My prayer is that when women read my letter, they will see Him there. They will find a Hope in Him.
As I carried out these acts of love, something rose up within me...
This beautiful purpose and calling
His love pales everything else in comparison
by doing these small and simple things, I remembered that,
This life is not about me. This walk is not about me. It's about Him. It's about acting on the word and building the house upon the rock,
the house that is essentially "rooted" in good things.
When my heart is rooted to His very own,
my spirit is then free to soar....
Tonight, pray for a woman considering abortion. Pray for the unborn children that will never walk in the sunlight, or feel the wind across thier backs...
but will inevitably walk with their Creator and Master...