The other day, I was experiencing major spiritual warfare. In addition, I feel like I am continually "tried and tested" by certain people in my life.
Through the tests, I am learning many things about myself that need to be changed.
I am learning that I do not handle anger appropriately.
Sometimes, when angered, I say things that I shouldn't say in the midst of all of the red.
I am praying that through these angry "situations" that I can learn to develop patience in a much greater way.
I have learned to largely stay away from people that deliberately anger me. But I realize each time that I get angry a part of me still holds onto the past.
Many hurtful things were done and I am struggling to find complete forgiveness. Or it seems that when I come to a place of forgiveness, something, even trivial, brings me to places of anger all over again.
I am praying that God change my heart in a greater way. Anger only hurts the people who carry it around.
On another note, some pretty amazing things happened in the midst of all of the cacophany.
Lately, I have been writing songs. Lately, I have had a lot of confusion over which musician to help me with them. One charges too much. Another has very little free time. So, the music endeavor has been a source of joy and frustration.
The other day, I said a very sincere prayer, "Jesus, please speak to me about the songs. I am writing them to bring others closer to you."
Less than a week later, I was at church. My pastor said, "Rachelle, Jesus told me to tell you will be writing songs." There was more, but I can't remember. Jesus spoke to me about the songs just like I asked Him too! Now, I will no longer wonder if it is God's will for me to pursue songwriting. I know that it is.
Jesus spoke something else to me that day. Lately, when I pray, I ask Jesus to make straight my paths... It seems that I am always tried and tested. I feel as if I am always coming against "mountains" in my life. They come in the form of spiritual warfare, my marital situation, and so many other sources of discontent that I sometimes struggle with.
In church, my pastor also said, "Rachelle, Jesus wants you to know that all of the mountains that are in front of you are soon going to come down. Jesus wants you to know that He is proud of you for the stand you have taken and that He loves you.
I was crying as I was being told all of these things. There are days when I feel the mountains are so high. And there are day that I feel as if I make no difference to anyone. But Jesus says otherwise. The mountains are coming down and He is proud. Those words bring comfort to my heart and hope for my sorrow.
There was a day several weeks ago, when I asked Jesus, "Jesus, where do I stand with you? Am I making a difference? Are you proud of me?
Well, He answered. He is faithful to those that seek HIm.
On another note, I am going to sponsor a child through Back2Back ministires. He lives in an orphanage in Cancun. His name is Abisai, and he is adorable. I think B2B is a pretty legitimate charity. I have done research as of late on charities, in hopes that I don't get scammed.
Sadly, there are charities out there that look to take advantage of those with helping hearts.
I'll get to write him and even visit on occassion. How cool!
Anyway, I hope everyone's day goes great.
Keep me in your prayers, and I will keep you in mine.
Your mountains can come down too. Ask Him.