Sometimes I can't help but wonder what it would be like to have a normal, healthy relationship.
I don't want this post to sound cynical, but I have always wanted to experience mutual, shared love, respect, and trust.
I have always fallen for the typical "bad guy." I guess my naive heart thought that things would always change. I wasn't truly following the Word back then and there are some serious scars from previous relationships that I am trusting God to heal.
The past month of my marriage has been a rollercoaster. There have been arguments, bitterness, and strife. But through it all, I have turned to God for counsel and guidance.
Each time He brings me out of my quandary and shows me something else about myself that needs to be mended and brought to light.
He has humbled me in many ways. I think many of the marriage problems that I was having are simply a result of my failure to get over the past. I have caused myself unnecessary worry over very trivial things. Sometimes I wonder if maybe my husband did change...only I am willing to not get over the things that were done.
God is teaching me how to handle my emotions with grace and dignity. I am learning how to truly forgive and speak words of life into the lives of those who have hurt me.
But I am still having trust issues. My theory is that once trust is broken, it is so hard to get back. That is why God commanded us not to lie.
I know that God is the only hope for this marriage. I am slowly learning to place everything in His hands. The hurt, the situation, everything.
But I have also learned through this process...that people will continually let us down. There is only one Man we can truly trust in this Life. ...
Please say some prayers that God will continue to work in this situation.
on another note, I realize that this issue isn't really that huge. Nothing is too big for God to handle. I mourn for the people in Africa who are dying by the thousands due to drought and famine. I mourn for the loss of lives due to hurricane Irene. And I mourn for the thousands of abused children that I constantly read about in the news.
I guess that puts things in perspective. Our problems are small and trite compared the trials of many.
Please pray that God will strengthen me.
Today I was at the grocery store and I saw an elderly lady pushing her buggy through the aisle.
I felt like maybe I should approach her and offer to say a prayer with her. A prayer in the middle of the grocery store? I know, it's not something that is "done in our society"...
I felt a true, genuine compassion for this little old lady that I have never met. I am so thankful for compassion. It is how I know that He is with me.
I wasn't sure if God was telling me to approach this lady or if it was"my idea." But, in retrospect, God writes on our Hearts and Minds....
Jesus wanted me to pray with her.
I want to come to a place where I have no fear of stepping out in greater ways. I read the verse, "perfect love casts out all fear."
I have been praying that God not only abolish my fear.... I pray that He perfect my love.
Today, ask Him to perfect your love.