Friday, April 8, 2011
I have been putting this blog off for a while now. I guess when you experience something like what I have experienced, there is a tendency to want to keep the knowledge to yourself. There is a fear lurking that asks, "what will others think?" Will they believe what I have to say? I can't convince anyone that doesn't believe that there is a Heaven or that there is a Hell. But I can tell my story of the things that I have seen. That realm of darkness that is everywhere. I haven't always realized the power of the Bible. But through my experiences with darkness, I came to believe, wholeheartedly in Jesus and in power of His Word. My prayer is that anyone that reads this will know that they didn't stumble upon this by accident. One day my experiences will touch lives. My prayer is that anyone who reads this will begin to see things in a different way. To see that there are forces working around us in ways that we cannot see, in ways that we can't always understand. The Bible states that there are demonic spirits that roam the earth. The devil himself is a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour. It states that we battle not against flesh and blood , but against the unseen. I will proceed to tell you my experience with these destructive and dangerous forces. My experiences began when I was a child, probably around 6 or 7 although I can't be exact. I didn't recognize my supernatural experiences for what they were. I was too young to understand. There were times when I would be lying down in my bed. I could feel a prescence enter the room. Only then, I didn't know it was a "Presence." All I knew is that my headboard would rattle for no reason but I always "KNEW" it would happen before it actually did. It wasn't a rattle brought on by the wind. Or movement in the house. There were times when I was all alone in the house and this sensation would come over me. I didn't know what it was and I just KNEW what was about to happen. I didn't know about demonic forces and I didn't know that I was one of the people that Jesus allowed to be aware of thier prescence. My tiny brain investigated every possible logical explanation for these occassional occurences. I asked my mom many times. She gave me a few possible explanations. But there were none. No cars. No movement. No machines running. No people in the house. No tiny tremors in the earth. Nothing. I would have these very very disturbing nightmares as a child, as well. I remember there were nights when I would feel very afraid. It would feel as if something were breathing down my neck. But I was still too young to understand. I thought that I was just afraid. I wasn't aware of the existence of supernatural beings. I believed in angels, and had heard about the devil, but couldn't fathom many things at that young age. When I was about 20 years old, I moved to Baton Rouge. I, for the most part, had almost forgotten about these childhood experiences. But I was talking to my friend and neighbor one day, and decided to tell him about the strange things that would happend to me as a child. That night I went back to my apartment. I was lying in my bed. My back was to the door. All of a sudden, I could feel a presence standing in my door. I could feel immense HATRED. I KNEW that whatever was there wanted to kill me. It hated me that much. It wanted my life. My smoke alarm began to go off for no reason. Then my headboard began to shake with intensity. (Note: there was no one living in the apartment next to me.) I was very afraid. I had experienced this before but never with such intensity. I frantically called my friend, also my neighbor, over to my apartment because I wanted him to see what I was experiencing for himself. After a minute or so, the rattling ceased, but the prescence was still there. My friend arrived and I told him what had happened. I was crying at this point and very afraid. I told him that I wanted him to experince what I experienced so that he wouldn't think I was crazy. So that he would know that this was REAL. He sat on the edge of my bed. I began to try to get whatever was in the room with us, to do something...because I wanted him to see. I hit one part of the bed with my fist. The part of the bed that I would hit, would move. Before I knew it, we were involved in a game with, what I didn't know at the time, a demonic spirt. Before I knew it we were laughing. It was as if the thing that wanted to kill me only moments before, disguised itself as something good. Something pleasureable. That is a sad fact. The devil can disguise himself. His forces can disguise themselves. That is why sin feels so good. It is rooted in that lie. It's true nature is hatred and lies. A few moments later, the "thing" got angry again. The bed began to shake. My friend ran out of the apartment terrified. The next few months were a living hell for me. My only hope was the fact that I believed in Jesus. I didn't know him personally, but I believed in Him. I began to seek. There were times when I wanted to move out of my apartment. Whatever was there, wasn't leaving. But I knew that if I could face these dark spirits, then I would be stronger in the end. As a person, I have no power or control over demonic forces. But I have learned that through Jesus all things are possible. For the next few months, I went into a severe state of depression. I began to question my sanity. I felt tired and exhausted continally. I felt a heaviness. I could continally feel the prescence of darkness all around me. Not in a metaphorical way. In a literal way. For me, God allowed me to see things in such as way that I KNOW that there is an unseen world because I have experienced it for myself. Maybe He allowed me to see these things so I could tell others about it. Maybe because He knew it would increase my faith. Because He has a plan for my life. Not a small plan. A very very large one. A Beautiful and Perfect Plan. I went to churches late at night. I turned off my television. Everything to me at this point in my life was cloaked in futility. For I was seeing the supernatural. Everything else became mute. Everything else became nonsense. All that mattered at this point, was the fact that I Knew that Jesus was real and that Hell and demonic forces were real. One night in particular I was very afraid. I called my Aunt Cheryl to come and pray for me. She lived over two and half hours away, but GOD BLESS her she came. Thank you Aunt Cheryl. I needed someone so bad during this time of my life and you were there for me. I love you! That night we read the Bible. She showed me a verse that, previously, I don't think I had ever read. Psalms 91. Oh, what a beautiful verse. Psalms 91 is a prayer of protection. That night we read that verse over and over and over. There was a darkness around us that was so thick and so heavy that our bodies were sore the next day. But the more I read that beautiful verse, the more faith I received. I began to feel confident in the words of the Bible. Before I knew it, all fear has disappered. The darkness was still there but it was if God had literally put a shield around me. It was that moment that I KNEW that everything written in the Bible is real. Everything. I saw it's power. I saw it's strength. I saw how it strengthens us. It is our tool for defeating an unseen enemy. One of the biggest deceptions that the world faces right now is the fact that many people don't believe that the devil exists. Many don't believe in Hell. Many people do, but continue down the same paths maybe hoping that they will get spared. I've seen so many Christians or people that claim to be Christians, continue with lies, deception. Walking down dark paths as if there is no heaven. As if there is no hell. But Know that it is real. It is more real than you can imagine. It seeks to destroy lives and the lie is that you don't even know your life is being destroyed until you are utterly and completely broken. My story with darkness didn't end in that apartment in Baton Rouge. I drifted in and out of Christianity. Many times I would begin to get close to Jesus and then pull away because an overwhelming sense of depression would come against me. It was easier to drown it out with noise. To forget about it. There were times when I walked in sin and truly thought I would make it to heaven. I look back now and think, ???? What was I thinking? I was believing the lie. I know that anyone who reads this will form an opinion one way or another. Some will read and continue along down some dark road thinking, I'll be OK. With tears in my eyes, I encourage anyone and everyone who reads this to know that Jesus is there for you. That Hell is Real. I have a responsibility as someone who KNOWS to share what I have experienced so that you can accept Jesus into your life. So that you can Know that He loves you and cares for you. So that you can Know that life is short and very precarious. I'm an educated woman. I have two degrees. I was raised in church but I am the type of person that needs to SEE something to believe it. I have seen. I have experienced. If you don't have faith, ask Him for it. Ask Him to show you some things. He is faithful to those who seek Him. Get rid of the sin in your life. It took me a while and some hard life lessons, but now I Know Jesus. There is a peace in my life that is unmeasureable. Please let him into your life. This is the first of two segments on my experiences with darkness. If anyone would like me to pray with them, I'm here. Email me.